{19} Because of you

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n i n e t e e n . o n e
A v e r l y n
b o r d e r

I keep my hands firmly on the wheel, my eyes never leaving the road. I can see from the corner of my eye, Joshua next to me, tapping his fingers in rhythm to the music playing from the radio. Every so often he'll tug at the handcuffs in hopes they'll break, I can't do him those favours. My fingers start nervously tapping against the wheel, hard. It grabs Joshua's attention as he reaches for my hand. "Dont fucking touch me." I snap, moving my hand away from him. He laughs lowly, resting his head on the headrest as he thinks.

"I bet you want Spencer to touch you, am I right? I am, aren't I?" He chuckles, turning to look at me, "you, sweetheart, are in love." He laughs and his smile catches me off guard. Guys like him aren't meant to smile. Their lives are meant to be hell. "Disgusting feeling. Love, how fucking pathetic." I take deep breaths, steadying my breathing in a few minutes.

"I'm not in love." I stammer, because I've only known Spencer a couple of weeks.

"Good. It's not good for you baby-."

"Stop...stop calling me pet names. I'm doing what you ask and then I'm getting out of here." I shake my head and put my eyes back to the road, fixated.

"Oh, no you're not. You aren't getting away again, baby. Trust me, I won't let anything happen to you." He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, my first instinct is to lean away from his touch. Joshua made me steal one of the SUV's, as I had the keys anyway, and now we're heading towards the border. "Now listen, we can end this whenever we want...you just have to step one foot out of line. You don't wanna do that sweetheart, do you?" I shake my head as tears burn in my eyes, "good. My little girl has come back to me, I couldn't be happier."

"There's police surveying the border. They'll recognise you." I whisper, my voice faltering.

"We'll be okay. You know what to tell them." His fingers trace circles on my thigh once he manages to pick the lock on his handcuffs, freeing his hands. There's nothing that can save me now. I start to feel weak, knowing there is nothing that can hold him off me. I had the advantage with his handcuffs on, but now they're off, we could get far away from this place. I don't want that. We get in the line of cars waiting to be aloud off the borders, my heart starting to race. "So, what was it like? Giving yourself to somebody. I'm not one for that sickly lovey dovey shit." He says, fanning his face from the heat in the car. We move forward a few cars, each car that moves across the border makes my heart race faster.

Make small talk. Live to tell your story. "It was nice. He made me feel like I had a choice." My voice shakes as I talk, I don't want to tell him this.

"Robbing bastard. He was never worth your time. He gave you up, remember? He told everyone. He doesn't even like you, it was obvious what was in it for him. He just wanted to get off." Joshua whines, "I'll take care of you." He mumbles.

"Spencer did take care of me." The memories of Spencer cleaning me up after sex filled my head, him cuddling me afterwards, our silent conversations that speak a thousand words. "More than you and Thomas ever could." That is something I've learnt, his partner is called Thomas Bridley.

"Hmm, yeah I bet he did. Did he kiss you goodnight and whisper sweet nothings in your ear until you fall asleep in his arms?" Joshua rolls his eyes, letting out another bitter laugh. "This is why I didn't want you to go out. You'd be mesmerised by these people and you'd let them have you. They can't have you, Averlyn."

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