Fake Turns Real

End of Plan

“John,” I managed to push him away and looked at him, “I’m sorry for everything, but it’s not fair to you.”
“But this is what I want,” he said and grabbed my shoulders before crushing his lips onto mine again, “And you didn’t say no when I asked if you love me straight away, so there’s a chance between us, why don’t you give it a try and let your feelings out?” he whispered between kisses as I could not fight him off.
“John, stop this,” I said but he kept planting short kisses on my lips, “We can’t.”
“Don’t you feel anything right now?” he questioned and kissed me passionately.
I did not respond then, but I did feel something. My stomach was flipping and my hair was standing on end. I had never expected such vigorous feelings but I was experiencing them now. I was drowning in his passion and love.
“I love you,” John pulled back slightly and stared at me lovingly for a brief moment before diving back for my lips.
And I instinctively reached up my arms to wrap them around his neck and kissed him back. I could feel him smile against my lips but I knew I would regret this. I knew I would still divorce with him because I was no good for him. I had ruined his life for long enough. But I could not help but respond to his touches right now, as my instinct was too strong to be ignored.
He slid his hands down along the sides of my body and rested them on my hips, pulling me closer. I ran my fingers through his blond hair, messing it up and he moaned into my lips. He pulled back for a moment and I was about to pull him back to me when he snuggled his head into my neck, gently sucking, licking and biting. Now I could not hold it in anymore, I had to let my moans out. His hair was tickling me and he came up to look at me again.
“I love you,” he whispered.
But I could not say it back. I just could not. I could not say it. I did not want to ruin his life. I did not deserve his love when our levels of love were not the same. So I kissed him instead.
John smiled again against my lips and threw me over his shoulders before flashing me a sly grin. I let out a small scream and he marched upstairs to his bedroom.
He threw me onto his bed and jumped on me. I giggled and he kissed my nose.
“Let’s take a shower,” he said, “I’ve wanted it for so long and now let’s do it.”
I laughed at the memory of him always wanting a shower with me, and let him take my hand.
John lifted me up and sat me next to the sink. He took of his T-shirt and threw it onto the floor. He then grabbed my hands and put them on his stomach.
“You’ve wanted this for a long time, haven’t you?” he winked at me.
“Hmmm,” I replied, stroking his abs making him shiver, “Not really…”
“Stop lying, you naughty girl,” he said before kissing me again. He slowly unbuttoned my shirt and threw it onto his T-shirt on the floor, and he also took of my skirt. He stood in between my thighs and I reached down to unzip his pants. He pulled them down and now we were only in our underwear.
“This is heaven,” John grinned, staring at my semi-naked body. I hit his arm and kissed me forcefully in return. He trailed his lips down to my neck again as he chucked the remaining of my clothes onto the floor.
He pulled back and took in my appearance once again. I felt kind of embarrassed and blushed.
“Aww,” he said, “Cute.”
He stripped off completely and he picked me up from the counter so we were both standing in the shower. He turned it on and we kissed under the hot water, our hands all over each other.
John was now teasing me and I was squirming under his touch on my sensitive spot. I pressed our lower bodies together, begging him.
“No, not here,” John mumbled against my neck as he realized what I was doing, “It’s going to be hot to do it here, but I want it to be special and I want to be able to look at you properly when doing it. We’ll get to the bed.”
“I need you,” I breathed, and moaned again as his hand was still working, “Now.”
John chuckled and turned off the shower. I could see he also needed me as much as I needed him but he managed to get a towel to dry ourselves. He then picked me up and like what he did before, he chucked me on the bed.
“It’s play time,” he grinned before getting on top of me. He got between my legs, but did not do anything other than teasing me with his hands. He was touching me everywhere and I thought I was going to explode.
At one point I could not stand it anymore, “John,” I panted, “Now.”
“If you say so…” he smiled, “I don’t think I can wait any longer too.”
That was it. He had claimed me as his. And I did not regret my choice, but at the same time I regretted it. I should not have done this to him. It would not help with him starting over.

We were now lying naked in the bed under the cover, and John had his arms around me. I snuggled closer to him, wanting to remember this moment forever.
John was lightly snoring and he looked like an angel. He looked so happy, so peaceful, so content. I wished this moment could last forever.
But it would not happen. I had to do this now, before he woke up.
I would have to do as planned. We could not go on anymore. It was not fair to him. I had occupied him for long enough, and he deserved freedom. He had not really got the chance to find the right girl as I had been pulling him back. He needed the freedom. I could not possibly wait until Richard finally got married, as the coming month together would not help anything. I needed to do this now, all because of my weak determination. I should not have given myself up to him.
I carefully unhooked his arms around me and got out of bed. I went to the bathroom to retrieve my clothes and put them on. I stared at my reflection in the mirror, and cleaned up myself quietly. As I was washing my hands, I noticed my wedding ring.
I did not know how long I had been staring at it, as I had been thinking of all the great times we had had. Our “honeymoon” and everything.
I eventually shook my head and slipped it off my finger. I searched for a paper and wrote down a note for John, and put the ring next to it.
“Dear John, I’m very sorry for what I’ve done. I promise I won’t do this anymore. There won’t be a chance for me to hurt you and ruin everything in the future. Thanks for everything. Love, (Yn)” I read the note one last time before going to my room to grab some essentials. I thought I would come back after everything was settled to retrieve my other belongings.
I looked at the house, taking in everything before leaving. I would miss staying at this place; this place had become my home in the past few months.
I sighed, and called a taxi.

I found a hotel to stay at as I knew John could easily find me if I went to my old home. I went to file a divorce, and as I signed the paper, I did not even know why, but tears just dropped helplessly. Then the papers would be sent to John for him to sign. My heart started to ache so I went back to the hotel immediately when my part was done.
I fell down onto the bed. I did not know why we even came up with this plan of faking a marriage. I was so selfish. So so so selfish. I should have known it would hurt John. And now it ended up hurting me too.
I had received endless calls and texts from John and even my parents, but I ignored them all as I needed my time. I only texted my parents once telling them I was okay. I knew John was hurting badly especially what we had done before I left but I could not answer him; it would simply destroy him further as there would not be a chance anymore.
A few days later, I received another text from John but this message was different. The previous ones were all asking me where I was and if I was okay and what was happening and why I had to leave. But this one told me he had received the paper and he had signed them.
“I received the papers this morning. I’ve signed them; this is what you want. But do we really have to do this? No matter what the answer is, (Yn), I’ll forever love you.”
That was when I broke down and cried my eyes out. I was a rotten individual and I did not deserve John’s love. I was a selfish being.
As I was crying, my phone vibrated. I thought it was either John or my parents calling, but no, it was Liam. Did he also know now?
I was hurting so bad right now that I could not help but answer his call. I needed someone to talk to.
“(Yn),” Liam said urgently once I answered the call, “Are you okay?”
“I guess so,” I lied and sobbed into the phone.
“Don’t lie, you’re crying,” he said, “Did John hurt you? Why did you file a divorce?”
“No, he didn’t, it’s me, I’m bad,” I said.
“Seriously, you can’t be, John must have done something wrong… I’m going to hunt him down now, don’t worry (Yn),” Liam said and the image of him chasing the boy who hurt me once flashed across my mind. I froze.
“No, Liam, no,” I quickly said, “Don’t.”
“I’m going to find him now, don’t worry, I’ll talk to you later, bye,” he said and hanged up.
Shoot. Liam would act before they talked and I did not want John to be hurt. Especially when it was a serious matter like this. Liam would totally hurt him. I needed to go find John now. Right now.