Philza Oneshots

Gray Lanterns

hihihihihihi

Okay, so, I'm really happy people are competing in last chapter's Wattpad contest. We have 11 contestants currently, and they're all really good writers. I'm sure they'll be great :)

Anyway, i'M GEttINg mArrIEd-
You heard me, I'm married to Sellumae 😌👌

(she calls me her philly pls i cant- 🥺💕)

Anyway this oneshot was requested by her because I told her to as a marriage gift :)

Prompt: Just some depression angst :)

I will call everyone out right now when I say that reading and writing depression angst is fun. Get called out, angst cult.

Trigger Warnings (TW): Depression, insomnia, slight eating disorder, sleep deprived author :D

picture above fron twitter at:
https://twitter.com/cosmicguts/status/1355337085654343683?s=19

link also in comments :)
twitter user:
Leroy
@cosmicguts ↰↰↰↰
show some love to that artist!

--------------------------------------------------

Why was he like this?

Of course, a surrounded person can always be happy. And he had friends, he was never lonely, and he was loved. Sure he had his moments of doubt and despair, but a normal person should get better, right?

...

So why did he feel so down all the time?

It was a constant battle. A battle to figure out how he'd fallen into this deep pit, a battle to pull himself out. It scares him because he doesn't even know what's wrong with him.

You do know. You just don't want to acknowledge it.

No, he didn't know. He couldn't know. But he just felt so sorrowful. Sometimes his mind would be cluttered with useless shit, but other times he'd catch some suggestive thoughts..

But he pushed them away everytime they resurfaced. And he would keep drowning them.

What happens if you give up?

...

That was a problem for future Phil. Right now, present Phil is still fighting to breathe. And he wasn't gonna stop, but that didn't mean it wasn't hard. It was very, very difficult.

He worried, not for himself. He worried for his friends, worried for their safety, and it didn't help him. The constant worry and fuss combined with mass amounts of stress from all the conflict took its toll, and is still taking effect. He worried, and wanted them to not worry. But would they even care if he disappeared? So he kept his mouth shut. To spare them the pain of worry. He wasn't worth the worry. He was the center of comfort, a father figure for those who need it, a brother and a friend. He'll fix it himself.

But he knew he couldn't. He couldn't bring himself to do so, what's worse him not knowing what was his defective mind. His mind filled with-

Three loud knocks sounded at the door, most likely Techno. "Hey, Phil? We've got a little something to discuss."

He looked up from the chest he had been looking through; well, not really looking through, more of staring into it trying to burn the image into his mind and distract himself from the horrible thoughts that'd been forming.

"I'm coming," he replied, walking to the front doors and clicking the doorknob. The pig with a crown stood at the doorway, holding a notebook.

"What's up?"