The Beautiful Life Of A Misfit (BxM) (Poly)

Chapter Five

Jamie~

The week finally ends along with my heat, I glance over to the pile of dirty panties. I totally didn't catch Richard and the twins poking around in my dirty clothes basket. Totally. I run a hand through my hair glancing at Rain smiling softly, pulling my kitten into my arms. I feel oddly happy here, Julians ignoring me, he won't eat my food and last night he shoved the plate of nachos into my favorite dress and spilt the smoothie I made on my head. It wasn't the first time, he always does, usually he includes the silverware and cuts me up, or bruises me with how hard he presses it or even breaks the dishes on me. I just cried when I got alone, I got the stains out though, luckily. I shower, giving Rain a bath and cleaning the house while they are gone. It's the weekend so per usual they are gone and I'm home alone with nobody to ask for help with my loneliness. Even if I wasn't I wouldn't ask. I pull out my suit case from under my bed, looking around pulling out a wine bottle mom gave me a while ago. When we first met I asked for it, I haven't drank it. I grab it and my only picture of mom along with my cigarettes climbing out and onto the roof sitting on it opening the bottle sipping the bitter drink. I don't drink to get drunk, I enjoy the taste of wine. I don't enjoy being drunk, I don't act much different I'm a bit flirty, or sad, but it's okay. I look at the picture lighting a cigarette looking at the small 5 year old boy curled up in the small females arms, the happy smile on her face so deceiving. I climb out of my window onto my roof with a sad sigh.

You can almost belive she was, if it wasn't for the sadness look in her eyes, the small boys hands bruised and cut, her neck bandaged but both them seem so happy smiling together as they hug. Mommy's so pretty.. I run my finger over the face of the female in the picture, why is mommy so sad always.. the small child's voice rings out in my head, the image of my mother infront of me as I tug on her robe her stomach round, I'm an only child the baby didn't make it. Weeks later she gave birth, the baby didn't do anything it was alive for five fucking minutes before it died. The doctors could've saved it, but they didn't. They didn't do anything to help her either, she was dying and she delivered it on her own, I stayed there and she showed me where to cut the cord so I did. I tried clearing its lungs, but the baby's nose was clogged and neither of us could do anything she was torn open and almost died.

The doctor pushed me away slamming me into the wall, they ignored the small child terrified, his hands red and stained, thick tears rolling down his cheeks snatching his only sibling away from him and it was to late. They said I covered the babies mouth and killed it, even if my mother said I didn't. The small boy, he sobbed and sobbed, telling them it wasn't true begging them to help his mommy and baby sister, but his sister was gone, my sister was gone. My mommy almost was. But it didn't matter, they wanted to blame someone so it wouldn't come back on them, they found out it wasn't me but nothing happened to the doctor only me and mommy suffered. I wipe my red eyes, sniffling as I look up at the night sky, a quarter of the bottle gone. It's my fault she's gone, it's my fault they both are. I couldn't save either of them, mom was abused cause of me. I couldn't be strong for her, I couldn't even help my sister just cause I was strong doesn't mean I should've known how to unclog someone's fucking nose. I look at my bloody hand, the bottle was crushed and glass was digging into my hand as I clench my fist.

Honestly, the little boy, I'm still him. I can't do anything to help even myself. I clean my hand out, sighing as I walk along the roof, looking at the ground slowly climbing down, and into my room cleaning my hand out wrapping it as I sit in bed rain curled up asleep purring. I pet her gently with my now wrapped hand smiling softly, my mom was prone to miscarriages but they wouldn't tie the poor women's tubes, and my father beat her till the next child passed before forcing another in her, I'm the same as any of them. I was in the same position as my sister, but my mom was able to save me, I wasn't born in a hospital, I was born in a closet when she was hiding from him. I was bruised and weak, below even an omega babies weight, I didn't make a single noise, even after she cleaned out my nose and throat, they rushed me but nothing was wrong other than me not having proper blood flow to my legs, but if I got them massaged it worked perfectly fine. I was a perfect baby, silent and calm, I only made noises for my mother even if I was jabbed and poked, pricked and slapped, I stayed silent and took it. As a child I did till the.. that fucking bastard laid his hands on my pregnant mother. I was weak, I knew it, so I got his pocket knife and dug it deep between his legs. I missed his genitals sadly, but luckily he was stuck in the hospital for a few months. I didn't care if I got in trouble, I was glad to of helped mommy. Then my little sister came out, and died.

I blame my 'father' and the doctor, cause she was born injured, she wasn't developed properly due to abuse, and she was ill. Mommy went through that due to that sick fuck. I let out a shaky sigh rubbing my red eyes walking to the bathroom letting my clothes drop, I look so thin.. I enjoy it.. I rub my finger along my slightly caving in stomach, I need to start keeping food down. I look at my thighs and hips, they were wide and plump. Wide hips for childbirth.. I scowl at the thought looking at my thin arms. I have small hands, and if I wrap my hand around my wrist I have spare room. Am I to thin again? I look at myself, my eyes seem caved in, my chest pushed out and slowly my thin frame became wider, and wider till it looked like I couldn't even move my head and I had trouble even moving. I frown closing my eyes, looking at myself again sighing as I see my normal appearance, getting dressed walking out. Mommy and her seem to be crossing my mind a lot more. I look at rain pulling on a hoodie and thick leggings leaving my room walking outside wandering the stresses in the night, letting myself get lost finding a 24-hour library sitting in it, pulling out a book reading it till I dose off. I wake up a hour later, picking another and continuing my cycle. It's scary being alone, I think of things I don't like thinking of.

Was I worth it? To be born? It must've been so nice for my mom... to finally have a healthy baby. I just feel terrible, maybe I could've helped save them. I take in a puff from a cigarette I barley remember lighting looking at a local restaurant noticing the boys together at a table, mom and dad there. A family. I don't have one. I walk away, looking at the morning sky shuddering as I let out a breath going inside packing my bags leaving Rain in Richards room walking out with my duffle bag leaving the house. I wander around, going into the woods curling up in a tree breathing softly as I relax. I look at my phone, an unknown number calling me, "H-Hello..? Jamie? Baby you weren't at the orphanage... I came back for you did you find a nice home?" Tears prick my eyes as I begin to shake, letting out a soft sob covering my mouth as I clench my eyes closed. Is this really her? "M-mommy..?"