Her Heavy Cross

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Authors Note: Sex again, but this time a little different.

Liam helped me get ready for bed. I was nearly asleep standing up by this stage. He undressed me and got my nightgown out of my bag. The white satin shift was far too sexy for how I felt, but it was all I had brought with me for bed. Liam said nothing about it. He didn't try to touch me inappropriately either as he undressed me, even when he took my bra off. I was thankful for that. He looked, though. A lot.

"Do you want to sleep here with me, or would you rather sleep alone?" He asked.

I was hurt for a minute and then thinking about all the horrible things I said to him, I understood why he asked. "I didn't mean those things I said to you."

"Yeah, you did. I deserved most of it."

"Yeah. I suppose you aren't that attractive." I joked.

"That's my girl." He said chuckling. Then he stopped, realising what he had said. "You were right. I am pushing too hard. I keep calling you my girlfriend and ignore how you feel about it."

"I am, though. Your girlfriend." Liam looked surprised at my admission. "You were right about that. If I didn't want to be, I shouldn't have acted like I was." I took his hand and said, "I acted like I was because I wanted it too. I didn't want to admit it to myself." I tried to smile at him but yawned instead. "Come to bed with me?" I asked.

He raised my hand to his lips and kissed it. "Always, Sweetheart."

We got into bed, and I laid down in Liam's arms. I don't even think I said goodnight to him before I fell into a dreamless sleep.

I woke up feeling stiff. It seemed like it was barely dawn. The room had only a faint glow of warm light. I stretched out, my muscles were tired. Liam was still in bed, and his hand was resting on my hip. I rolled over to look at him and found him looking back at me, a lazy smile on his lips.

"Good morning." His voice was gentle.

"Morning," I said, reaching out to caress his cheek, enjoying the feeling of his sharp beard against my skin.

"How do you feel this morning?"

"I'm glad I stayed." I was. Waking with Liam felt good. I felt stupid acting like I had last night. I had fought so hard against getting too close to him despite how natural it felt, how good. I had to stop punishing myself. But it was hard to turn off three years of carefully built barriers around my heart.

"Me too." He said. I thought he would hug me, but he didn't. So I hugged him. I pulled myself in closer until our bellies touched, and I wrapped a leg around his hip. I felt his sex hard against me, and I tightened my leg pulling him closer. He made a face of pain and moved his hips away.

"Sorry," I said. "Are you still upset about last night?" He shook his head, giving me no more than that. "Tired?" I tried again. Another shake of the head. "Does my breath smell?" He chuckled and shook his head a third time. "You don't want to?"

"I do. I really do."

"So what's the problem?"

"I don't know if you'll want what I want."

"It can't be that bad."

"It's not bad at all."

I was getting frustrated, "just tell me!"

"I don't want to fuck you. I don't want to hurt you, or smack you or bite you or any of those things." His lip twitched, "Well, I do, but not right now. Right now, I want to hold you and kiss you. I want to be slow, take my time, make love to you. But I don't want to scare you off." I looked away. "See, you don't want to. And that's ok. I'm not going to push you anymore. I'll wait." He did hug me back then. Just gently, keeping his hand on my back, away from anywhere sexual. "I'm happy, just like this."