The Blues finally tore their eyes away from the tank. Church faced his two subordinates.
Church: Hey, I'll let you all in a little secret. I've uh. . . I've actually got a girl back home.
Tucker: Oh yeah? Girlfriend or wife?
Church: No, man, she's just my girlfriend. . . . We were gonna get married, but. . . I got shipped out, and. . . ah, you know how it works.
Tucker: Oh, well, are you gonna marry her when you get back?
Caboose: I'm not gonna get married.
Tucker and Church looked at the Blue rookie with raised brows.
Caboose: My dad always said, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"
Church: Hey rookie!
He approached threateningly.
Church: Did you just call my girlfriend a cow?
Tucker: No, I think he called her a slut.
Church: I'll tell you what noob. I could sit out here and listen to you insult my girlfriend all day long. But as it turns out, I got a lot more important job for you to do.
Caboose: Great.
Church: See, we've got this general. . . .
Tucker: Right, the. . . general guy.
Church: He likes to come by and make random inspections of bases. So what I'm gonna have you do is, I'm gonna have you go into the base and stand right next to the flag at attention. Just in case he decides to come by.
Caboose: When will the general come by?
Tucker: We never know, could be a day, could be a week from now.
Caboose was confused.
Caboose: You want me to stand at attention for a week?
Church: You know, you don't sound very grateful. This is the most important job of the whole base! You're gonna be right there with the flag!
Caboose: What's so important about the flag?
Church: Oh come on! Didn't they teach you guys anything in training?
Caboose: They didn't tell us anything about a flag. Why is it so important?
Tucker: Well. . . it's complicated!
The cyan soldier struggled to find words.
Tucker: Uh, it's blue, we're blue. . . .
Church: It's just important, okay? Trust us. So when the general comes by, the first thing he's gonna want to do is inspect the flag.
Tucker: Right.
Church: So just go in there, you know, far away from us, and wait for him.
The plain blue soldier turned to the base and was about to enter but paused.
Caboose: Uh, how will I know when I see him?
Tucker: There's only three of us out here rookie. It's going to be the guy that doesn't look like one of us.
Church: Now get in there and don't come out! Man, that guy is dumber than you are.
Tucker: You mean he's dumber than you are.
Church: Wow Tucker, that was a great comeback.
Caboose then came out of the base.
Caboose: Hey, Mr. Church? Sir?
Church: Oh my god. WHAT?!?!? Tucker, I swear, I'm gonna kill him!
Caboose: Sorry about calling your girl a slut!
Church: ROOKIE!!!!!!! SHUT UP!!!!!!!! JUST SHUT UP, YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!! GET IN THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!
The cobalt soldier finished venting his fumes while Tucker laughed. Church then faced him.
Church: Tucker? Are you laughin' at me?
Suddenly, a soldier in red armor appeared behind them.
Donut: Excuse me, sir? Can I ask you a question?
Church: Dear god in Heaven, rookie, if I turn around and you are not inside, I-I can't be held responsible for what I'm gonna do to you!
Donut: What did I do?
Church: ONE!
Donut: Aw, give me a break.
Church: TWO!
Donut: Fine!
The red soldier walked right into the Blue's base. Once he entered, he saw Caboose standing next to a blue flag.
Caboose: Woah, you got here fast!
Donut: Why is everyone so freakin' rude in this canyon?
Caboose: I'm not, sir! What can I do for ya?
Donut: Finally, someone with a little respect around here!
Caboose: Yes sir! I assume you're here for this.
The blue motioned towards the flag.
Donut: Is that all you have?
The red was disappointed.
Caboose: Uh, yes sir. That's it.
Donut: Aw man! Shit, what about elbow grease?
Caboose: Um. . . .
Donut: Headlight fluid?
Caboose: Nope, all we have is the flag.
Donut: Well, I can't go back empty handed. I guess I'll take that.
Caboose: Sure, that makes sense. I guess. . . .
The red picked up the flag and sighed.
Donut: They're going to give me so much shit for coming back with just this stupid flag.
He left without another word while Caboose watched blankly.
*With Church and Tucker*
The two looked towards the tank.
Church: Well, enough gabbering out of us. Let's take this bad boy out for a spin. Go ahead and hop in Tucker.
Tucker: Me? I can't drive that thing!
Church: You're telling me you aren't armor-certified?
Tucker: I ca- I don't even know how to use the fuckin' sniper rifle! Don't you know how to drive that?
Church: NO! Holy crap! Who is running this army?!
Caboose came out of the base.
Caboose: Hey! Just wanted to let you know that the general stopped by and picked up the flag!
Church: YEAH, OKAY, WHATEVER, MORON!!!!!! Why would they give us a tank if nobody knew how to drive the damn thing?!
Realization donned on him. . . .
Church: Wait a second. . . . What did he just say?
YOU ARE READING
Red Vs Blue, & there's Magenta: Season One
FanfictionRed Vs Blue, but with a twist! A drop pod crash lands into Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha, and within it is an unconscious girl with very few memories. . . . The OC Ruby belongs to me. (This is NOT Ruby Rose from RWBY) Red Vs Blue is owned by "Rooster...
