Red Vs Blue, & there's Magenta: Season Two

Chapter 4 The Joy of Toggling

Doc stood in front of the Red's Base.

Doc: So he got shot in the head.

Grif: Right.

Doc: And you gave him CPR for a bullet wound in the head?

Grif: Exactly.

Doc: Yeah, I think that's perfectly acceptable treatment.

Ruby: How did this guy become a certified medic?

Grif: That's what I said.

Doc: Oh yeah, people often overlook alternative methods of care. Like that blue guy that was shot in the foot during the battle? All I did was rub his neck with some Aloe Vera, he was fine.

Grif: Yeah, I don't know about all that, but I'm glad sarge is wrong.

Sarge: Grif, you're supposed to be watching the prisoner, not playing lookie-loo with him all day long!

Grif: Come on Sarge, he doesn't even have a gun.

Ruby: I'm with Grif on this. The medic seems harmless.

Simmons: Oh, well him and Grif will be great friends. He doesn't have a gun, and Grif didn't bring any ammo!

Ruby: He kinda has you there.

Grif: Hey, thanks kissass! If I wanna take guarding tips from the guy that lost our last second prisoner, I'll be sure to ask you.

Ruby: He kinda has you there.

Donut: Oh man that is a burn! Dude, you just got burned. Burned dude, burned.

Simmons: Oh shut up, your armor's pink.

Doc: Uh, hey guys? I-I just want everybody to know that Grif and I aren't technically friends. Uh, we were just talking. That's it.

Grif turned towards DuFresne and glared at him.

Doc: Sorry man, but it's pretty obvious that you're really unpopular, and if I'm gonna make any progress around here at all, I can't be directly associated with you. I'm sure you understand, it's only because no one likes you.

An SMG pressed to the medic's back, making him freeze.

Ruby: I'd appreciate if you stopped insulting my friends.

Grif glanced at the two.

Grif: Thank you Ruby.

Ruby: Anytime buddy!

*With the Blues*

The Blues stood behind their base.

Tucker: Church, if your body is the Red Team's old droid, and droids usually fix stuff, can't you just activate your repair sequence and fix Sheila?

Church: Huh? Well, yeah it's worth a shot, I guess. *clears throat* Alright, stand back. Huhrr! Heeeengh! Hoom!

Tucker: Anything?

Church: Yeah, it's not as easy as you'd think it would be.

Tucker: Maybe there's a button on you somewhere?

Church: See what you can find, I'll keep trying from here. Hurrr! Oh hey!

Tucker: Found it?

Church: Nah, no wait. All I found was the time and temperature function. It is currently twenty-six degrees, by the way.

Tucker: What? It's not twenty-six degrees, that's freezing.

Church: Celsius, Tucker. 

Tucker: Oh come on dude, Celsius sucks.

Tucker then crouched down in front of Church.

Tucker: Hey, I found something.

Church: Oh yeah, you found a button?

Tucker: No dude, it's more like a- switch. . . .

After realizing the switch was right on the robot's crouch, the cyan soldier stood.

Church: Well, give it a flip.

Tucker: I don't wanna flip it.

Church: What's the problem.

Tucker: It's in a weird place.

Church: Oh, you've gotta be kidding me.

Tucker: You flip it.

Church: These arms aren't that flexible, I can't even reach down there.

Tucker: What about Caboose?

Church: Oh man, he's so stupid I don't even know if he knows how to operate a switch.

Tucker: Oh man.

Church: Tucker, come on, we'll laugh about it later. I'll buy you dinner.

His teammate sighed before crouching down again.

Tucker: It won't move, it's stuck.

Church: Did you try wiggling it?

Tucker: No way, I'm not wiggling your donger.

Church: Oh stop being a baby. Just wiggle it.

Tucker just stayed quiet and did it.

Church: So. . . you from around here baby?

Tucker: Okay, look! If you want me to do this, you can't talk like that!

Church: Alright, alright, I-I-I'm sorry. I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding.

Tucker: I wish Tex was here, she wouldn't have a problem flipping it.

Church: You obviously did not know Tex very well.

The switch finally moved!

Tucker: There!

A few beeps came out of Church's body.

Tucker: Anything?

Church: Nope, nothin'. That's weird, do you hear some beeping?

*With the Reds*

Sarge stood near the Warthog.

Sarge: Are there any ideas on what to do with the prisoner?

Simmons: Well, we have to get him away from Grif, because it's kinda cruel and unusual to talk to him. And also away from Ruby, because she might kill him.

The Warthog began to beep.

Donut: How 'bout we. . . Let him trade armor with, uh, one of us? That would show him.

The Warthog's headlights turned on.

Warthog: Warthog online. Homing beacon activated.

Donut: S-Sarge, d-did the car just talk?!

Sarge: Uh-oh.