Red Vs Blue, & there's Magenta: Season Two

Chapter 7 Nobody Likes You

Tucker: Aw crap, the Reds are here.

Grif and Simmons stood with Doc.

Church: What? Caboose, why didn't you say anything? Wait hey! *whispers* One of you guys turn me around, I can't move my legs.

Grif: What were you doing down there?

Tucker: Nothing, what're you talking about?

Caboose: We were just playing a game!

Church: Hey Caboose, we'll handle this.

Grif: What in the hell is going on in at this base?

Doc: I told you these guys are weeeird.

Church: What do you want Reds?

The cobalt soldier was still unable to face them.

Church: Get outta here or we'll start shootin' at ya!

Grif: Oh yeah? You care to make that threat to my face?

Church tried to turn and groaned.

Church: No.

Grif: Yeah, I didn't think so. Punk.

Simmons: Woah, woah, woah! Calm down guys. We didn't come here to fight. We just came to give back the prisoner.

Tucker: Give him back? You can't give him back, you just took him. A deal's a deal.

Grif: Yeah, well forget it. We don't want him. We also kinda have to stop Ruby from killing him.

Church: Well sorry, you can't have another prisoner! That was our last one!

Grif: Hey dude, what's your problem?

Simmons: Didn't your mama ever tell you it's impolite not to look at someone when you're talking to them?

Caboose: He's shy!

Church: Shut up. Look, we don't want him back, and we don't care what you do with him! Now if you don't mind, I'd appreciate if you left us alone! We're in the middle of somethin' kinda private over here.

Grif: That's sad, he is shy.

Simmons: Fine, but don't come asking for him back later.

Tucker: We won't.

The Reds began to leave, but Grif turned and faced them.

Grif: Last chance.

Church: Beat it Reds!

Grif: Alright, we're going, we're going!

The Reds left.

Grif: Man, I thought our team was obnoxious, but those guys are really rude.

Doc was about to head back to Red Base, but Simmons stopped him.

Simmons: Hey, woah, woah! Where do you think you're going?

Doc: Back to base with you guys. They don't want me over there.

Grif: Yeah, I don't think so.

Doc: What? You're not just gonna leave me out here in the middle of nowhere. By myself?

Simmons: Yeah, that's kinda the general idea.

Doc: Not you too, right Grif? Old buddy? Huh?

Grif: Sorry, it's clear that you're not very popular around here and I wanna make any progress at all, I can't be directly associated with you. . . I'm sure you understand.

*With the Blues*

Church: What's going on? Are they there? Did they leave? Hey, somebody tell me what's happening!

Tucker: I don't know, I can't see too clearly. I bet I could see better if I had that sniper rifle.

Church: Hey, Tucker. You might wanna look behind you.

The cyan soldier turned around to Caboose wielding the sacred sniper.

Tucker: Motherfucker!

Caboose: Ah! Ooh! Church! Church! Okay I-I see something! Okay, uh, the two Red ones are walking away. Uhhh, but the purple one is. . . .

Once again, his voice deepened.

Caboose: I think he's going to attack.

Church: Purple? Wait, the purple guy's that worthless medic.

Tucker: He's not gonna attack, he's a pussy fest.

Church: Pacifist.

Tucker: Ahhh, whatever. Let's time him up and roll him through the teleporter.

Church: Wait a second, wait a second, think about this for a minute. Why would the Reds leave him out there by himself? This has to be some kind of trick.

Caboose: I'll bet they've used some kind of brainwashing technique on him! They're- They're probably planning to have him do all their dirty plans. . . and also the schemes!

Tucker: Caboose, that's ridiculous.

Caboose: Is it?

The blue aimed the sniper at Tucker.

Caboose: Or is it so ridiculous? It's the most ridiculously perfect idea that you've never thought of?

Tucker: No, it's just the regular ridiculous.

Church: Well keep your eye on him. We'll know it's a trick if he tries to get into our base.

Doc then appeared on the hill.

Doc: Hey guys! Do you think I could hang out at your base for a while?!

Caboose: I knew it. We're all gonna die! *deep voice* Starting with you.

He aimed at Tucker again.

Tucker: Sorry, but we're kinda busy here. So go away or something.

Doc: Normally I wouldn't impose. It's just that I don't know the neighborhood too well and-

Church: Listen Doc, you're not fooling anyone with your innocent victim routine.

Doc: Hey, I could help! I know more than just medicine! I have training in psychology too! Maybe I could help you with your problem facing people!

Church: Just get outta here! And tell your buddies the Reds that their little plan failed!

Doc just sighed before beginning to wander around the canyon.