On the Run - A HermitCraft Fanfic

Chapter 18

Suddenly I felt lips being pushed against my own. My eyes went wide as Mumbo's closed. He pulled away and looked me in the eyes again. It felt...

Wrong...

I pushed away from Mumbo and sat as far away on the sofa as I could. His eyes were filled with confusion and pain as I did so. I clutched my hands to my head and gripped my hair. What happened? Everything was going so well.

My stomach felt weird... no. It churned. I felt uncomfortable. All those times had explanations. None of it was love.

In my dreams, I was flying through a field of flowers with Mumbo.
I was dreaming of being free and Mumbo had freed me. Of course he was going to be there.

I lay on my stomach and cuddled into Mumbo. Not too much because I didn't want it to be weird but enough so that I didn't feel alone.
I didn't want to be alone. I wanted to cuddle someone. It wasn't anything more than loneliness.

It made me feel alone again, and just like at Mumbo's, I would always go into his room and fall asleep there.
Once again I was lonely. I needed someone and the person I was most comfortable with was Mumbo.

He can't like her because I like him. I mean it's stupid really. Am I not good enough for him? Am I just...
Am I in love with Mumbo?
No, I'm not. I was overthinking. I was jealous that he was spending time with her and not me but that doesn't mean I like him.

All the other times flashed through my head. They all had reasons. The weird feeling in my stomach was it churning. The strange feeling I had never felt before was uncomfortable. I'd never been this close to a person before.

A hand on my shoulder brought me out of my thought but I pushed it away. I needed time to think. I stood up and walked around to behind the sofa. Mumbo sat staring at me with his eyes still filled with confusion but there was a hint of sadness now.

I stopped thinking about Mumbo for a second and the image of X still being in the forest came back. Without even looking to Mumbo for a yes or no I stood back up and walked to the door of our room. I opened it quickly and slammed it behind me as I walked out.

Finding X was an excuse. I knew that. I just needed space to collect my thought. I kept walking out of the inn, earning a weird look from the receptionist, through the front door and out back to the forest.

I kept glancing behind me to see if Mumbo was following me but he never was. The fresh air was a relief compared to the stuffiness of the room. I let my wings go out and the fluttered quickly before falling still.

There was a slight breeze that came through the trees and it made my wings sway slightly. I pulled my wings apart so they were flat out and pushed my back against a tree. 

In the lift, I wanted Mumbo there because he's closest to me and he's helped me before.

Earlier in the forest, he could make me feel happy no matter what because he's my friends.

He was trying to get back to fight the men in hard hats because he loves me.

He loves me.

I replayed the sentence over in my mind. Each time it cut deeper and hurt more. He had the guts to kiss me and I ran away. I'm a horrible friend. I'm a horrible person. If it wasn't for me then none of this would have happened. Mumbo could've helped someone else at the AHA. Then he wouldn't be sitting alone in the inn. Then we wouldn't have had to come and save me and lost his best friend. Then he wouldn't have to put up with the burden that is clinging onto him because it needs him to feel happy. Because without him I descend into a pit of loneliness and sadness and all the emotions I bottled up at various institutions. I'm nothing without him. I'm nothing without anyone. Now it look like there's no one around. Iskall is probably dead. Stress and everyone else might be as well. X is gone and Mumbo probably hates me. They all probably hate me. I've done nothing but hurt them and I wouldn't blame them if they do hate me.

Maybe they'd be better off without me...