Three Years Old

Chapter Thirty-Two

Wow. Okay. No. Can't do this. I just can't believe that I've finished this. There's gonna be an author's note that's actually pretty looooonnnnggg explaining how I feel about this and what's next, so yeah, I hope you'll read that too. I'm not sure if this ending is good enough. Since it's ending the whole trilogy it sort of seems not enough, but I don't know what else to do :S This one's dedicated to writingyearsaway, for all of her wonderful comments throughout this book!

Tell me what you think though :) and I hope you have a wonderful Christmas!

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     After that I went downstairs and joined Blake and Flick for breakfast. About half an hour later her parents appeared, and they joined us too. We ate more than I’d ever eaten before for breakfast, and Blake and I were in high spirits, happy to have Flick back after our little drama of the night before. We didn’t tell Elaine and Ernie what had happened, because we didn’t want them to worry.

     By the time we left a couple of hours later, Blake was dying to hear what had happened between Debby and me. As Flick trotted in front of us, leading the way, already knowing her way around St. David’s, I told Blake about our conversation. As we walked, I talked and Blake listened intently. The sky had lightened a bit, though it was still not clear, but we didn’t care what the weather was, we were too happy.

     ‘It sounds pretty intense,’ she commented when I was done. I nodded in agreement, brushing a strand of hair out of my face.

     ‘She’s pretty messed up at the moment,’ I told her. ‘But she’ll be okay. It may take a little bit, but I know she and Michael can be happy.’ Blake didn’t say anything to this, just stared after Flick blissfully. I watched her as she watched our daughter, admiring her beauty, just as breathtaking to me as the first time I’d met her. Her hair was tied in a long ponytail, dangling far down her back. I was on her right side, so I could see her beauty spot, just under her right eye. Everything about her was perfect to me, and there was not one thing I’d ever want to change.

     ‘There’s something else I need to tell you,’ I said after a long pause.

     ‘Mmm?’ she responded, breaking her gaze on Flick to look at me.

      I stopped walking, needing to look at her while I said this, and she copied me. ‘Flick,’ I called out. ‘Can you wait there for a minute?’ We both watched as Flick stopped abruptly and sat down in the middle of the pavement where she’d been, just far enough in front of us that she wouldn’t hear.

     ‘Okay, please don’t be mad,’ I started. ‘Basically, last night I never got around to telling you why Debby was at ours in the first place. Thing is, she was really drunk, and upset about Michael and she came to… to tell me she loved me.’

     Blake nodded and shrugged in one movement. ‘Yeah, that seems like something she’d do,’ she told me.

      ‘Well, she meant really loved me,’ I continued. ‘I think she was just drunk, but either way. She kissed me Blake.’ I made a face as I spat these words out, desperately wanting Blake to react, but she didn’t. After a pause, in which she said nothing, I had to continue. ‘I feel so awful about it, because I didn’t stop her – well, not immediately and I should have. And I hate myself for it, because I love you so much, and I don’t want anyone else, I don’t want Debby, and I can’t bear the thought that I kissed her back for a moment and it’s just so awful. I hate my –‘

     ‘Beth,’ Blake interrupted me. ‘I’m not mad.’

      I froze, staring at her in amazement. ‘You’re not?’ I asked.

      ‘No, I’m not,’ she repeated. ‘I’m a little hurt. I can’t pretend it doesn’t hurt me that you kissed someone else, but I know she’s going away, and I know it didn’t mean anything for you and I know you love me.’

     ‘Really?’ I asked, letting out a breath. ‘Because Flick said something the other day, that made me wonder if I tell you how I feel about you often enough. When you’re close to someone it’s easy just to presume that they get how you feel, but it is nice to hear it sometimes and –‘ Suddenly Blake’s lips were on mine, stopping the flow of words. They felt so right, it all felt so right. I’d never had a doubt for a moment that I was supposed to be with her, but when I kissed her I just knew it with absolute certainty. She tried to pull away, but I pulled her back in, my hands tight around her neck now.

      Eventually I let her pull away, but we kept our faces close, breathing in each other’s smell. ‘I know you love me Beth,’ she whispered. ‘I’ve always known, even before we were together. You were never very good at hiding it.’

     I smiled at this and let go of her neck, turning back to Flick. I ran over to her, scooping her off the ground and hugging her tight. ‘You hear that Flick?’ I asked her. ‘I love your mummy lots and lots and don’t you ever doubt that.’

      Flick put her little arms around my neck and hugged me as tight as she could. ‘That’s nice,’ she muttered. This just made me laugh, and I put her down again, as Blake appeared at my side. We began walking again, hand in hand this time, Flick just in front of us.

     ‘You know, Debby will always be in our life,’ she pointed out.

     I nodded at her. ‘It’s inevitable really,’ I agreed. ‘But we’ll deal with it.’ There was a pause, as the two of us continued walking, watching Flick, still in her dress from yesterday.

      ‘Blake, I want you to know, that no matter what she does,’ I started again. ‘No matter what crazy stuff Debby pulls, no matter how many times she turns up here being herself, I promise that I’ll always love you more than anything. She’s not going to get in the way of that, not now, not ever.’

     Blake looked at me with a smile. ‘And Flick.’

     I grinned back at her. ‘And our daughter. I’ll never let Debby get in the way of my love for her ever. Not our little three year old.’