dreamer | karlnap

twenty-two

karl's third pov

– ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ –

the next two months are some of the worst in karl's life. after the first night, karl prayed and begged for the medicine would wear off, that would go to sleep and be with sapnap again. that's not how it worked. it didn't happen. the next night, and the night after that, and every night since, karl has gone to bed and woke up with no woods or lake on his mind.

being unable to see sapnap had sent karl into a deep depression that seemed to only get worse by the day. he felt like he could never crawl out of it. 

it's almost like they had broken up, but one hundred times worse. if it was a break up, both of them would have gotten closure, and even staying in contact was a possibility. this situation was completely different and unlike anything karl has experienced before. the frustration was through the roof. no closure, no goodbye, zero chance of finding each other or even seeing each other again. it hurt him. he just wished that he could see sapnap one more time, just to have a proper goodbye.

karl's mother quickly learned how severe her actions were after she saw how much it was affecting him. 

at first, he refused all contact with his parents after his father began to talk to him about forgiving his mother. the only person he talked to from his family was his brother, and that was very rare in the first place. he locked himself in is home, only leaving when they had to film a video for the main channel. every other recording was done from his home. he had no drive or motivation to do anything except for working on writing stories about him time traveling that he had plans on turning into a series at some point. his mother had called multiple times and left way too many voicemails that had flooded his phone, but karl never listened to them and moved them to the trash. she would come by his home, sometimes with his father whenever he was around, but he never bothered to open it. 

somehow, by some miracle, chandler and chris managed to convince him to talk to his parents. even if it was one call. he could hear the flood of relief pour over the phone from his mother when he picked up one of her calls. she asked if she could come over, and karl hesitantly agreed.

there wasn't anymore harm she could cause.

she apologized and asked karl if there was anything she could do to make the situation right. karl couldn't give her a proper answer. he didn't have one.

he said he would never forgive her, but that doesn't mean that he couldn't be civil with her. that doesn't mean she's automatically forgiven. he doesn't plan to forgive her.

that led to where karl is now. still drowning in depression, self-pity, and loneliness. some days he's so upset he just cries until there are no tears left, some days he's so angry, most of his dishes get thrown, and some days, he's completely emotionless, like the situation turned him numb. karl had never taken any past breakup well, even though his situation wasn't a breakup, it still wasn't easy to handle. 

he missed sapnap. he missed the woods and the lake. he missed skipping rocks, making flower crowns, cloud watching, holding sapnap's hand. he couldn't believe the timing of the whole situation.

feelings were confessed and that was it. the final interaction they had. 

karl wondered how sapnap is handling the situation. sapnap had always been a positive, bright source of energy, it makes karl want to cry at the thought of him being sad. he can't imagine that sapnap is taking this well, maybe better than karl, but still not well. he hoped sapnap didn't think karl did this on purpose. he had mentioned the medication to sapnap in the past, but he knew that karl wouldn't take it. 

karl honestly doesn't know what to do with himself. will he ever see sapnap again? hear his laugh just one more time? the answer to both of those questions was probably not. he believed that it was a sign that he had to get over him. 

he doesn't know if he could get over sapnap, he was special, he made karl feel something he never had with any of his other relationships. they were perfect, meant for each other. it may sound crazy, but maybe chandler was right. soulmates.

but that didn't matter now. the best he could do was to try to get past the situation, and get over sapnap, no matter how impossible it seemed.