dreamer | karlnap

twenty-three

"you're going to texas with us."

karl rubbed his eyes, confused. he wasn't sure how or when she got the idea, but somehow she believed it was a fantastic time to go on a small vacation.

"why?"

"karl, you need to get out of your home. look at yourself."

he fights back a groan. he knows that. but why a vacation? karl barely has it in him to go to work or get necessities, let alone go to texas and be forced to be around family for a week. being miserable would be an understatement. his mother was testing the waters with her luck by trying to get her son to go with them. apparently, him speaking to her wasn't enough.

"mom why are we even going?"

"your aunt wants to see you and we're staying at the campground they're at for the summer. it has a lake great for skipping rocks."

karl's mouth grew dry as he tried to speak, "like, to the woods?"

"yes honey, they've offered for us to stay in the guest camper!"

karl got hit with a huge wave of multiple emotions that seemed to overwhelm him. he didn't know which one to express.

he felt sad at the thought that he was going to a wooded area with his family, and not sapnap. he doesn't know if it will comfort him, having the familiar breeze brush against him once again, or will it make him even more upset, knowing he would be on his own. karl just wanted to be with him again.

he felt hopeful at the thought that he was going south. texas may be a big state, but that means he could be closer to sapnap. it would be so unlikely, but karl can't help but believe if by some stroke of luck, they would end up finding each other. he didn't even know if his lover even lived in texas, but he had a gut feeling.

he also felt anger and bitterness towards his mother. she was the cause of all the grief karl was feeling. now she expects him to get better by going to his aunt's camper? to the woods? when she knows well that the woods had a deep impact on karl's whole relationship with sapnap? karl wondered if she was really inconsiderate, or was just oblivious to the situation she was trying to put her son in. it was most likely the second choice.

"mom, i don't know if this is a good idea. i have work-"

"karl, honey, you need to get out. you can't stay home forever. plus, your brother is worried sick about you."

karl wanted to snap. he wouldn't even be in this situation if it wasn't for his mother. when karl didn't respond, his mother pleaded, "sweetie, please. just consider it." and he did.

on one hand, he could stay home, stay in raleigh, and give up on himself in his home. he knew that it would take him a while, probably a long, long time, until he got over sapnap. that's what he needed to do, was to get over sapnap. it was too unlikely that that karl would ever see sapnap again.

unlikely didn't mean impossible in karl's book. if he joined his family on this getaway, that means he would likely be closer to sapnap. even if it was in the same region. if he goes to texas and doesn't find sapnap, which will probably be the case, it would just shove the knife deeper into the wound he had. just knowing he was so close. the spark of hope for karl seemed so dim, but he could still vaguely see it. the one that he still had to see sapnap again, but he couldn't. he needed to find him. if this stupid vacation was the only chance he got, he needed to take it. no matter the hurt he would receive if he never saw sapnap again, he couldn't pass up the opportunity that this gave him.

if fate could bring them together once, he believed that it would work a second time.

"fine, i'll go with you guys."