Hold On To Me

Chapter 7

It must have been months since the last time Beyoncé slept as good as last night. Even in the last weeks of her pregnancy, she couldn't rest like she wanted to, because the baby was always kicking like crazy and keeping her awake. Then when she wasn't pregnant anymore, there were way too many things on her mind and she only fell asleep when she was exhausted. But last night was different, she was so relieved to have her husband by her side, she was finally able to sleep through the night and get some rest.

When Beyoncé woke up, she could still feel Shawn's arms holding her tight. She slowly turned around, making sure not to wake him up. For some reason, she had this urge to see his face. He was still sleeping and looking so peaceful. Maybe this was his first night in a while of getting some sleep as well.

Beyoncé looked at her sleeping husband for a little longer, before she got up and went to the bathroom in her room to take a shower.

*******

When Shawn woke up, he could still smell Beyoncé in his bed, but as soon as he opened his eyes, he realized that she wasn't there anymore. Maybe it was too much to ask to wake up next to her. Still, he was happy that he fell asleep with his arms wrapped around her body, especially after spending the last months in the guest room.

"Morning." Shawn said entering the kitchen to eat breakfast after taking his morning shower.

"Morning. Are you hungry?" Beyoncé said smiling a little when she saw her husband.

"Yes, a little."

"Here you go." She placed a plate with food in front of him.

"Thank you."

Even with the good mood they both were in, Shawn and Beyoncé didn't talk much during breakfast. Beyoncé still didn't know what to say to him, or how to say it, and Shawn was scared that she would tell him that last night didn't change anything between them. They needed to believe things were better today, even if it wasn't.

"I have to go to work now. I don't know when I'll be back, though." Shawn said getting up.

"I know. It's your mother's birthday. I'm gonna call her later."

"Okay, have a nice day." Shawn said before leaving.

He wanted to ask her to come with him to his mother's birthday, but he was sure that her answer would be that she wasn't in the mood for a birthday dinner, so he preferred to say nothing. He couldn't bear to hear another no from her.

******

Beyoncé's P.O.V.

After Shawn left, I started to clean up the kitchen. As usual, I didn't plan anything for the day. Most of the time I cleaned up and then went out just to walk for hours. It felt like that was the only way I could clear my mind, but today I wasn't in the mood for it. Instead, I looked for my wedding footage and decided to watch it. It had been years since the last time I saw it.

I wasn't really surprised that after only two minutes, I was already crying. Not every person was lucky enough to meet their soulmates, but I found mine. Shawn was everything I could ask for, and I should have never forgotten that, or taken it for granted. I also should have known how much he needed me all this time.

"Mom? What are you doing here?" I asked answering to my front door.

"Are you crying?" My mother frowned.

"What are you doing here, mom?" I said again without answering the question.

"Since you stopped visiting me, I thought I should come over. Can I come in?"

"Actually I was about to go out."

"To go where?" My mother asked, obviously not believing it.

I guess I can't blame her. In the last months, I kept my whole family away from me, and used every excuse possible to not let them come over.

"It's Gloria's birthday. I need to buy a gift for her. We were invited to have dinner with Shawn's family tonight."

"So you're visiting them, but you won't even pick up the phone to talk to me?" My mother asked clearly hurt.

"No. I wasn't invited. I mean, I was invited, but Shawn thinks I'm not going. I want to be there though, so first I need to buy a gift for Gloria." I said taking my car keys and purse so I could leave.

"Look mom, I know that I haven't been the daughter you're used to, and I have no idea if I'll ever be that daughter again. I can only take one step at a time, and right now I need to be the wife that Shawn deserves."

"I just want to hear from you every now and then, and maybe see you sometimes."

"If you want you can come with me and help me get Gloria something."

"Really?" My mother asked surprised.

"Yes." I said smiling a little.

Spending time with my mother made me realize even more how much I missed from my family's life. I stopped living, but everyone went on with their lives. My mother was now officially in annuity, and she even had a big party to celebrate, which I never knew about. I also didn't know what was going on in my sister's lives either. But for now, there were other, more important things I needed to focus on, like my marriage.

******

Shawn's P.O.V

"Hello Son." My mother said smiling when I entered the house I grew up in. It had been a while since the last time I saw my family. I was happy that for a few hours, I would be able to take a break and free my mind from all the problems that were waiting for me at home.

"Hi mom. Happy Birthday." I said hugging her. "Those are for you." I handed her the bouquet of flowers I bought on the way there.

"Thank you. Beyoncé is already here. She's in the living room."

"Bey is here?" I asked a little confused.

"Of course she is. Tina dropped her off like an hour ago."

"Her mother?"

"Yes, her mother."

I was still confused, but walked to the living room to see if Beyoncé was really there or if my mother started her birthday celebration a little too early. She did come out of the kitchen with a glass of wine in hand. But to my surprise, my wife was really sitting on the couch, listening to my brother and father going back and forth about the Yankees.

"Hi everyone." I said getting their attention.

"Shawn, don't disappoint me. Tell me that the Yankees are the best baseball team in America."

"Dad, the Yankees are the best baseball team in the world." I said, sitting down.

"See, that's why you are my favorite son." My father joked.

"I didn't know you would be here." I said to Beyoncé.

"I didn't want to be home alone. I haven't seen your family in a while. I thought it would be nice to be here."

I nodded. "I would have asked you if you wanted to come with me, but I thought you wouldn't want to."

"It's okay. I didn't say anything, because I still had to buy a birthday gift. I spent the day with my mom at the mall, getting it."

"You got my mom a gift?"

"Yeah, it's nothing special, but I'm sure she'll like it." She smiled.

"What.?" She asked because I couldn't take my eyes off her.

"Nothing. I'm happy you are here." I smiled.

*****

Shawn actually couldn't take his eyes off his wife all night. He interacted with his family and joked with the men while catching up on all the news he missed, but every now and then, he would scan the room, looking for Beyoncé.

Part of him was just enjoying seeing her there, but another part of him was worried about her. The last time she was around so many people, she didn't feel well.

"So, can I sue him?" Kerry, one of Shawn's cousins asked Beyoncé animatedly.

"Of course, and you definitely should." Beyoncé advised. "I'm going to give you the phone number of a colleague of mine. He loves this type of cases."

"You're not taking my case?" Kerry said pretending to be hurt.

"No, I'm sorry, I've been off work for a while, but I promise you, you'll be in good hands." Beyoncé smiled, and then glanced across the room to see her husband looking at her.

She noticed him checking on her all night, probably afraid she would panic at any moment, but she was having a good time. She had actually promised herself she would. She couldn't come to his family's house just to ruin his night. Fortunately, though, she didn't even need to make much effort to enjoy herself. She was able to make conversation with most of the people, and gladly, everybody kept the subject very light and happy. Kerry was the first one to make the conversation a little more stressful after she told everybody about the neighbor's dog peeing on her flowers and ruining it, which everybody laughed about, but Beyoncé still enjoyed talking about the case she could build.

"Okay, how about we go sit down to eat now?" Gloria asked getting everybody's attention.

"Finally!" James, her youngest son said, sounding really serious.

Shawn let everybody go ahead and approached his wife as people emptied the room.

"Having fun?" He asked smiling.

"I am." She nodded. "Everybody is being very nice."

"Good." Shawn smiled down at her again as they started walking. He was about to place a kiss on her lips for the first time in weeks, but one of his uncle's voice stopped him.

"So, you two are going to start working on another kid or what?" He smiled, like he said something funny, but the entire room froze at the question.

Shawn could clearly see that his uncle was drunk, but that didn't stop him from feeling angry at the comment. Fortunately, he didn't have to give a reply.

"Joe, shut your mouth and sit." Gloria said to her brother, and then looked at her daughter-in-law apologetically.

Beyoncé would be lying if she said her heart didn't skip a beat at the comment, but she promised she wouldn't ruin the night for Shawn, and she wouldn't.

She brought her husband's hand to her lips and kissed it to let him know she was okay, and then both took their seats. The mood in the room lighten a little bit when Joe's wife smacked him upside the head and everybody laughed. Then Shawn's father got up to say a few words before they could finally eat.

*****

"It was a good night." Shawn smiled when he stepped into his home, right behind his wife.

"It was." Bey smiled, even though she was feeling a little nervous.

"Are you really okay?" Shawn asked, referring to the comment his uncle made.

"Yes, I just. I don't want to think about it." She shook her head. She wanted to be thinking about her husband at the moment. The last thing she needed were thoughts of getting pregnant again, and all the emotions that came with it.

"Alright." Shawn nodded. "I'm kind of tired. I think I'm going to bed."

Beyoncé watched her husband walk away, until she was alone in the room. She didn't want him to leave, but she didn't want him to know she wasn't as okay as she made him believe. She was going to take some time to be alone and get herself together then go to bed, and hopefully tomorrow she was going to start new again.

Except that being alone didn't help her, and going to bed didn't either. She was still tossing and turning, and there were still too much in her mind.

Finally, after an hour of that, she got out of bed and went to do the only thing she did in the last weeks that actually helped.

"Beyoncé?" Shawn called in the dark when he heard someone in the room.

Beyoncé slid under the covers with him and got comfortable.

"I couldn't sleep." She whispered.

Shawn couldn't help, but smile at that. For an hour or so, he laid on his bed, hoping she would knock on the door to his room again and he would get to sleep beside her. He didn't even know how he didn't notice her coming in, but he actually liked that she didn't bother knocking this time.

He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her head lightly before closing his eyes. He could finally sleep now.

*****

Beyoncé opened her eyes in the morning only to meet her husband's fixed on her.

"What?" She said starting to smile under his stare.

"Nothing." He shrugged. "I just really had a good night."

Shawn was so happy to wake up next to his wife he couldn't even hide it. One would think he'd be used to waking up alone after so many days, but it still felt wrong to him.

"Well. I need to get up." Beyoncé said stretching. "I need to. see someone."

Shawn smile faded at that. It could be anyone she was supposed to see, but the first thought in his mind, was the lawyer she said she would talk to about the divorce, and when Beyoncé got up without saying more, he took it as a bad sign.

"Right. I have to go to work too." He replied a little annoyed.

He got out of bed, and headed to the bathroom for his shower, even before Beyoncé walked out of the room. If it was about anything else, he would want to sit down and talk to his wife about it, but he didn't even want to hear about divorce again, let alone discuss it with her.

*****

Beyoncé's P.O.V

As soon as Shawn left for work, I headed out of the house too. I was a little nervous about it, but after a talk with my mom yesterday, she actually convinced me that would be a good thing for me.

I walked into the building looking around. It felt like forever since I set foot in a place like that, and it only made me more nervous. I gave the receptionist my name and she confirmed my appointment and told me to wait. Not too long later, the person I was waiting to see came to get me.

I sat down on the chair he directed me to and he looked straight into my eyes.

"So Mrs. Carter, what will it be?"

"I don't know." I said biting my lip. "I just want something new."

"So you want it short?" He said touching my hair and examining the length.

"I guess." I nodded. "I never really used it short before, so that would be different."

"How about a new color?"

"Uh. maybe."

"Can I suggest blonde? I know it would look incredible on you."

"Really?" I smiled, trying to picture it. I had never dyed my hair blonde before.

I looked at the mirror in front of me, examining my long brown hair.

Back in college, I had it black for a while, mainly because people said it made me look older and more serious, and that was exactly what I wanted. I wanted to look like a tough lawyer, and not like a sweet little girl.

The look also made me look mean though, and as much as I liked it in court, guys often acted as if I was going to chew them up and spit them out, so when I changed the color again, I picked red. That was actually around the time I met Shawn. I remember him saying he had never dated a red head before. When I finally went back to my natural color, Shawn didn't like it so much. It took him a while to get used to it.

I wonder if he would like a short haired-blonde wife.?

*****

"God, what was I thinking?" Beyoncé said checking herself in the mirror for the 100th time. She wasn't sure if she really liked her new style. It was so different from the way she looked before. She never thought she would ever dye her hair blonde.

"It's too late now anyway." She said heading back downstairs, checking the table again. Everything was ready. The only thing missing was her husband, and he should actually be there by now.

Beyoncé had not only gotten a makeover today, but she also cooked Shawn's favorite meal, and on top of that, she was wearing the dress that was Shawn's favorite. She wanted the night to be special for both of them. It should represent their new start. She was ready to leave everything that happened to them behind her, or at least, she was ready to try.

******

Shawn's P.O.V

"Bye guys, I'm heading home." Rogers, one of my colleagues said heading to the door. We waved goodbye to him and I slid under the car I was staying late to fix.

There was a time when I wanted nothing more than going home after a long day of work. But now, knowing that Beyoncé probably won't be there or that she'll be locked in her room, it wasn't even worth it leaving on time. I wasn't in the mood to cook dinner and even less to eat it by myself, so there was no point in hurrying home.

"Shawn, your wife is on the phone." Ty said just a minute later.

I quickly got up and went to see what was going on. "Hello?"

I had no idea why she was calling. The only time she would call me at work was to tell me that she needed to work late.

"Hey. When are you coming home?"

"I don't know. Why?"

"Can you come home, please?"

"Why, are you okay?" I asked worried.

"Yes, can you just come home now?"

"Okay. I will be there in 10 minutes." I said hanging up.

"Ty, I need to go." I yelled out then went to the car without even changing first.

I hadn't a clue what was going on or why Bey wanted me to go home. I just hoped that everything was okay. I didn't think I was ready for another of my wife's temper tantrums. I was still worried about the appointment that she had today. What if she just wanted me to go home so she could tell me that she filed for divorce, or that she was moving out.?

"Bey, I am home, wha..." I started to say, but trailed off when I looked around. The lights were dim and there was music playing in the background. It looked like she prepared something. This wasn't what I was expecting when I walked in.

"Hi." Bey said shyly coming out of the kitchen with two glasses of wine.

"Wow... your hair." I said surprised.

"I know, it's short. and blonde. I wanted to change it, and the hairstylist said that the color would look good on me, and the bob too. I know it took you forever to get use to my natural color. If you don't like it blonde, I can change it again. And if the length is bad. I can get extensions until it's long again. I just needed a change." Beyoncé said nervously.

"Bey, you look phenomenal. I love it." I said.

"Really?"

"Yes. You look beautiful. Very different, but still beautiful." I smiled and walked closer to her.

"Thank you. I wasn't sure if you would like it." She said sounding relieved.

"I do. I like it a lot actually."

"I cooked dinner. You should go and take a shower. I put some clothes for you on your bed. Hurry up so we can eat." She said smiling.

"Okay." I nodded, but before I went upstairs, I moved closer and kissed my wife's cheek.

"You really look beautiful. I love your new look." I whispered.