Save Me From Myself | Gay BxB |

4. Pathetic

-Theo-

I woke up coughing my lungs out the next morning. Every single cough made my beaten-up body tremble in pain. My wish of not being in pain didn't come true, no matter how many times I'd cried it out loud during the night.

I ate an apple on my way to school, trying to ignore how sick I was. I had to stop for a moment and lean against a tree when I started coughing and kept going when it calmed down. I couldn't stop. I feared that if I stopped, it would be the end of me.

I was that close to giving up for good.

Half an hour later, when I walked through the silent schoolyard, I felt like I had just accomplished something great just by making it there. I hid behind the bushes near the back entrance to wait for the first period to start. I had almost an hour to waste, but it was better for me to arrive early than be seen by my bullies.

How pathetic was that?

I opened my bag and grabbed my black notebook. I glanced at the first page, the one with the word, stupid, written all over it before opening the next blank page.

"Pathetic," I muttered out loud.

It was pathetic how I had to hide from others all the time. I was pathetic for not standing up for myself. I was pathetic for getting so shaken up by a stupid prank. I was pathetic when I cried, and when I wished for things that would never happen. I was pathetic at school, pathetic at home, and too pathetic to kill myself. Even my cuts were pathetic. Sometimes they didn't even bleed.

No one would love someone as pathetic as me.

I had written the word 'pathetic' a few dozen times on the second page. I kept staring at the words, savoring them, memorizing each curve of each letter, so I'd never forget how pathetic I was.

Then I closed the book and put it back in my bag, letting out a deep sigh while I closed it. It was a mistake. I started coughing again, and soon I got dizzy since I couldn't get enough air into my burning lungs. I tried to be quiet, fearing I was giving out my hiding place, but it was too late already. When the fit finally ended, and I was able to breathe, I heard a voice from the other side of the thick bushes.

"So this is where you're hiding."

My heart froze. I froze. Even my mind froze when I recognized that voice.

It was Deon. Of all people, it was he who had heard me.

"Come out," he spoke with a neutral voice.

It was clear he was talking to me, so there was no point in staying in my hiding place anymore. Deon would drag me out if I didn't come out on my own. So, I crawled under the branches, and as soon as he saw me, he grabbed me by my hood and pulled me up on my feet.

"That's a pretty nasty cough you have," he said with a smirk.

He didn't release me, not even when I found my balance. I wanted to ask what he wanted from me, but when I looked up at him, I lost my voice. He was truly intimidating, and the look in his eyes was menacing.