Russian Roulette: Family secrets [2021 version]

Ch. 38: Two halves of a whole

"You want me to what?"

Jace sat in the bed supported by pillows, feeling a little like Jabba the Hutt, whereas Phoenix sat on a chair next to the bed like a servant, helping him eat.

Not a situation he wanted them to live out every day.

They had moved into their new home a week prior and settled well within their new surroundings. It was heaven to not be in a room that constantly smelled like a clinic and was decorated like a birthday party at McDonald's. Not that Jace could ever hate on Cloud for making his room festive for him and Phoenix.

Mackenzie had done well with their rooms.

They all had.

Even Cloud had reined in her powers and helped make a home that fit his and Phoenix's tastes. She was the best in-law Jace could have ever wished for. With her, it was like having a mother again, somebody who cared and loved unconditionally. Cloud filled a hole Jace had had in his life for a long time.

Her help was invaluable.

Mackenzie's too.

Jace loved the color scheme; the way Mackenzie had made it soft with the off-white walls and given it some masculinity with blue and darker tones of grey. He was happy there, though he would be happy anywhere with Phoenix...

Just not twenty-four fucking seven.

"Babe, I need to learn how to be alone, and you need to see more than these walls and my handicapped ass." Jace sighed at the face Phoenix put up. Like a kicked puppy. His eyes got sad, and his mouth practically quivered.

It was not Jace's intention to hurt Phoenix, he just wanted more for Phoenix than to end up reduced to his personal nursemaid; not for Phoenix to feel unappreciated. Phoenix was a wonderful man, with a life, job, and interests. He needed to be the Phoenix Jace loved. The one who had fascinated Jace and made him want to know more about him.

The one who was independent and raw in his way of living.

With all the time Phoenix had devoted to Jace's care, he deserved to go see a movie, eat at a proper table with some friends, or just go to the gym or the mall.

Or home.

Phoenix had not slept in his own bed for over a month and a half.

They needed to become what they were before, free and independent individuals who wanted to share their time. Their relationship was not supposed to be that unequally balanced. Though Jace could never thank Phoenix enough for everything he did and had done since the attack, he wanted a proper relationship, one where he contributed too.

Giving Phoenix space to be himself was part of that. It was what Jace could do to maybe help Phoenix connect with the man he used to be.

"I'm not asking you to move out. All I'm asking is you do something for yourself. I'm sure there's a sandbag at the gym just calling for you to show it how badass you are at kickboxing?" Jace smiled. Phoenix at the gym always made him hot, he loved watching the man move gracefully while he trained. "Or some papers and shit Gareth needs you to go through. Phoenix, I can be alone for an hour or two."

Phoenix sat there, not sure what he should do. Jace had directly asked him to go away.

He felt completely deflated and unneeded.

Out of sheer reflex, he picked up some hash browns Jace dropped from his fork while eating. Jace had gotten a lot better at the smaller things, but sometimes his muscles spasmed a little, and he dropped things. It had become a habit for Phoenix to just pick up whatever he dropped. To wipe his chin if drinking went wrong, and find clean shirts if it went totally downhill.