This is Real

The Head Wants What the Heart Doesn't

Shay's eyebrows rose at the same time that she felt her stomach drop. There was also this curious sensation of her chest constricting painfully. She thought of all the things she could say to dissuade Sasha from going into the relationship. She knew she could probably write a book on it. She could probably list down so many reason she wouldn't be done in a day. She could probably give Sasha so many Sasha would have to avoid Ian forever, probably never even consider friendship. Shay knew she could probably do it.

But Shay was nothing but silent.

They were silent for a long time. Sasha was once again avoiding Shay's gaze while Shay stared at Sasha, not really seeing her. She was just looking, not comprehending whatever information her eyes were receiving. Shay didn't know how to react, didn't know how Sasha wanted her to react. Was she supposed to be against it? Did Sasha expect that?

Shay was still deep in her contemplation, forcing the constricting feeling down so she wouldn't focus on it. She focused on what her reaction should be as a friend. She tried to breathe against the force that was squeezing her lungs, heart. Fuck. Her heart. That was it. That's where this squeezing thing is coming from. She was pretty sure she was too young to experience a heart attack. It couldn't be that. She's never been asthmatic, either. It couldn't be here lungs. It couldn't be a panic attack, right? She was sure she'd read somewhere that that was accompanied by increased heart rate. Cold sweat. Tremors. Well, she was still. And instead of an increased heart rate, she felt like her heart had stopped. Had dropped, actually. Maybe shattered?

But neither was she heart broken. That couldn't be it.

"Shay?" Sasha's voice was quiet, unsure. She was looking at Shay cautiously, not really knowing what to expect. Now that she found herself telling her friend, she realized she'd held off on telling the taller girl for a few hours because she was worried about Shay's reaction. From the silence she was getting, it feels like she was right to be worried.

"Yeah?" Shay heard herself say, not entirely conscious that she was already replying.

Sasha shifted in her seat, feeling fidgety about what they were talking about. "Can you say something?"

Shay finally shook herself from whatever trance she'd been put, and she tried to bring herself to this moment. "Oh. Well... What do you want me to say?"

Sasha shrugged, then she let her shoulders slump. "I thought you'd have some kind of opinion on this. You asked me a lot of questions a few days ago about me going out with him."

"So you are going out with him?"

Sasha shrugged. "No. Not really. I think I'm just-" She shrugged again, and it was becoming increasingly clear that Sasha was unsure about the whole thing almost to the point that she would have rather that it didn't happen.

"It doesn't matter what I think about it, Sash. You're the one in this... What is it anyway?" Shay felt like something was pulling her down, deeper into something that wasn't the happiest of places. For the first time in a while, she wanted to go home and just curl up in her bed for a few days. She had always been someone who would choose to overwork than to take an extended break. She would choose something adventurous over spending the weekend at home. At the moment, she only wanted to not be around anyone.

"I don't know, yet. I kind of- I kind of need help figuring it out. I mean he- he explained why he did it-"

"There's no good enough excuse to cheat on anyone, Sash." Shay's voice hardened, despite the progressively sinking feeling that was overcoming her. "You deserve more than that."

Sasha shrugged. This was the most uncomfortable she's been in Shay's presence and she didn't like it one bit. She didn't even realize she'd ducked her head to avoid Shay's gave, yet again, until she had to look up at the brunette who seemed too deep in thought for something that didn't really feel needed that much attention. Sighing because she'd imagined her day with Shay a lott differently, she shifted in her seat again and mumbled something under her breath.