My Only 1 (Njomziana)

13

"Good morning," I said to Courtney as I entered the kitchen, making myself a cup of coffee and a plate of breakfast.

"G'morning," she mumbled back, not looking up from her phone. "How'd you sleep?"

"Eh, pretty well." That was a lie. Sleeping here made me miss being with Ariana even more. All it did was bring back all the good memories we had, the moments I could never relive again. It took me hours to fall asleep, and when I finally did, my dreams were filled nightmares of Ariana kissing Mikey, and then running off with him.

"That's great," Courtney replied, not sarcastically. 

After I finished my food, I threw the dirty dishes into the sink and went back up to my room, clueless about what I was going to do for the day. I guess getting out of the house would be nice, but I don't exactly have anywhere to go. Maybe a walk. Yes, a walk. I threw on some daywear and headed back downstairs, grabbing a jacket before heading towards the front door, as it was a chilly morning. 

"Hey, where are you going?" I heard Ariana ask from down the hallway. I was halfway through the door, and I debated whether I should just ignore her and make a run for it. 

"A walk," I answered briskly. 

"Oh- can I come?"

Well this is awkward. Why does she still try to talk to me, even though I've made it clear that I didn't want anything to do with her? But then, I guess it wouldn't hurt to let her come with me. If things go badly, I can always just run off somewhere until I lose her. 

"Sure, if you really want to." I stepped outside and waited for her as she put on a coat and some sneakers. She looked nervous, her hands clearly fidgeting in her pockets. I looked at her, waiting for her to say something, but she only gives me a shy smile. Wordlessly, I walked down the driveway and turned right at the sidewalk, slowing down to let Ariana catch up. Then we walked side by side, passing by the familiar sights of our neighborhood.

This reminded me of the first time I realized that our love was beyond platonic. Same place, same people (minus the dogs), except maybe with a little less love, or maybe more? It was only about a week ago, but with everything that has happened, it might as well have been years ago.  

So many years ahead of us, yet I'm wasting my time grieving over a stupid mistake. I was surprised by my own thoughts, yet everything seemed to make sense in that moment, and for the first time in days, I felt ready to move on. Move on from that incident, or from this relationship altogether ? I don't know. I love Ariana, and I'll never stop loving her, but maybe we should leave this fling, whatever it was that we had, behind us. 

"Is it ok that I still love you?" Ariana suddenly blurted out, stopping in her tracks.

"What?" I replied before I could stop myself.

"Is it ok that I still l-love you?" She repeated herself, the tremble in her voice giving her fear away. Her eyes deliberately avoided mine, but I placed a finger under her chin and lifted her head, forcing her to look at me. 

"I love you too."

And then I kissed her. For the last time, or for the first time in this new chapter of our lives. 

Not all happily ever afters have happy beginnings, and not all happily ever afters turn out the way you expect them to. But in this moment, I loved her. 

And in this moment, I was her only one.