i want to be me not your puppet

chapter 13 this is wrong.

"so you choose me?"her voice shocked and slightly sarcastic as she looked at me with her brow raised. i took a deep breath. 

"yes, your the one i want to be with, forever...jade."i cringed inwardlys as i said her name, for a reason i couldnt understand. 

"forever?..why?" why did you ask me that question i swallow. 

"because..i love you, you have been there with me through everything i need you in my life, your the one i want to be with through everything."i looked her in her eyes an told her that she was the one, but every part of me was telling me i was wrong.

"you really mean that?"she asks i nod yes. "then...marry me."she said, so confidently but so arrogantly at the same time. 

"what?"i whisper not believing the words had come from her mouth 'she cant be serious'

"if you really want to be with me and only me prove it, marry me."

"thats not fair, and you know it. i do love you jay but marrage..thats wow. a massive massive step."i breath out i couldnt do that, i couldnt marry her. 

"its just a peice of paper if you love me, it shouldnt be a massive step it should just be one more way we can show everyone, exactly how much we love each other."jade smiled at me tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.  

"yes, yes i will marry you."i whispered jade grinned at me

"great lets go, we have got a wedding to plan!"she grabbed my hand and dragged me along behind her 'im getting married' i kept thinking over and over in my head. "im getting married."i whispered to myself so low jade didnt hear me. what did i just agree to?

"oh and i never doubted you for a second"jade stopped and pulled something out her jacket pocket. "i got this a couple of weeks ago and i think now i know you want me and only me."she enphasised  the only part. "i want to give you this" she pulled out this diamond ring, an put it on my finger my hand suddenly so much heavier. "i love you alex." 

*Colt's P.O.V*

"she choose her jen, she choose her"i told jenna trying to breath, trying to think. 

"she will realize soon that she made the wrong choice, she will come back"jenna tryed to tell me rubbing my belly as she usually did when im upse, as we laid on my bed 

"you didnt see the look in her eye's jenna. she was so determained that this was what she wants, she wanted jade not me. she looked me in the eye and told me  she loved her. her not me."i told her staring at my ceiling. 

"then go over there and fix things, dont let things end like this. not again, tell her how you feel, tell her you are sorry and that you want her to be happy!"jen told me pushing away from me

"there's no point, she doesn't want me in her life anymore"i groaned as i pushed myself up to look at her. 

"then atleast get the goodbye you both deserve and want."she told me she had a point. 

"fine."i said giving in, i got up off my bed and put my shoes on. "wait here til i get back."i tell her walking out my door. 

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i pulled up outside alex's house, the lights were on which meant someone was home i just hoped it was alex. i got out my car and walked up the path i was about knock on the door when i saw alex and jade through the window. 

they were drinking champagne and laughing together, they looked so happy. and thats when i noticed it,..the ring. 

she was marrying her. 

i felt the pain in my chest, the same pain i felt when alex left five years ago..but it was worse. last time she left and i didnt have to be reminded that she wasn't mine but now, i would see them round town being happy together, then there would be the wedding that everybody would be talking about. 

'what am i even doing here' suddenly the song standing in the dark by lawson popped into my head, guess i finally knows how that feels. i shook my head and walked back down the path this was pointless. 

"colt?"i heard a voice behind me alex. i turned round to look at her. "what are you doing here?"she asked me

"it..doesnt matter, i shouldnt have come."i tell her going to turn back. 

"please colt? i know you wouldnt have come here if it wasnt important, please i'm begging you, tell me?"she begged, it felt like she was begging me to help her, like if i didnt tell her something bad would happen. but something bad was happening already. 

"its nothing, good luck with your wedding. i wish i could say im happy for you, but i'm not."i told her sighing "so i just gonna say, uh..good luck"

"how did you know?"she asks surprised.

"the rock on you finger wasn't that hard to miss"i told her. "i'll see you around."i said turning away getting into my car before she could say anything.

how could i be that stupid. 

Alex's P.O.V 

"please colt? i know you wouldnt have come here if it wasn't important, please i'm begging you, tell me?"i practically begged colt. part of me was worried why she was here and annoyed at her intrusion, another part of me was hoping she would tell me she loved me and that we could run away together just me and her. 

thats what i wanted. me and..colt. but only if she told me she wanted me to right now. if colt told me this second that she loved me, i would leave with her right this second. 

"its nothing, good luck with your wedding. i wish i could say im happy for you, but i'm not."i told her sighing "so i just gonna say, uh..good luck"colt said blowing it off. the dissapointment that washed over me was almost over whelming. 

"how did you know?"i asked her surprised, how the hell did she know it only happened a couple of hours ago, an those hours have been..hell. 

"the rock on you finger wasn't that hard to miss"she said, her voice hard. "i'll see you around."she said turning round stalking away into her car before i could say anything. 

"please dont go.."i whispered to myself as she drove off not looking at me once. 

i turned back going into the house just as jade came down the stairs, making my feeling of guilt worse. 

"you okay babe? why you outside?"she asked me. 

"i thought i heard someone knock on the door but no one was there, just some kids i supposed"i told her quietly 'more lies' 

"awh okay well lets get back to celebrating our wedding"she grinned at me pulling me back into the living room. i didnt want this.

our wedding, jades wedding...my wedding. i wanted none of this, i wanted colt. but now i couldnt have her, i gave her up because i was scared history would repeat it's self now im paying for my mistakes. i lost colt and now im losing myself. 

jade kissed me as my thoughts were consuming me. and all i could think was, i want to kiss colt, i want colt to kiss me, i want to wake up tomorrow, with colt.

this is wrong. all of it. 

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SHORT I KNOW BUT I PROMISE THIS IS LEADING UP TO SOMETHING BIG IN THE NEXT CHAPTER :D