E L I X I R | L.T.

𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐯𝐞 | 𝐢 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐧𝐨 𝐨𝐧𝐞

renforshort - tastefully depressed

astrid s - such a boy 

kayden - one more year

I hate Mondays. It can be good day only when it is the start of next chapter in your life. New one. Better one. However, for people whose life is filled with different difficulties, it's just one more day of searching a right solution. But what if not all of them have an answer? What if there is not an exit?

I did my best to fence off my anger and fear on the weekend and give my mind a few days of rest. Focusing on simple human things like series, endless amount of tea and laying on the couch all day long should help me to find a mental balance at least for a couple of hours.

Picking a restaurant for Connor and Alice's wedding put me in different dimension. Pre-wedding fuss is remedy against being swallowed by my own apprehensions. It was funny how I was able to help people when I couldn't help myself.

I felt myself like I was a wedding consultant or manager. During the meeting I seemed to be quite distant, but nothing bad was behind it. Their little touches, which they didn't even notice, brought me to days when they met for the first time. It reminded me how questionable Connor was, his behaviour back then was like a ping-pong game. He was so uncertain towards Alice, that he asked me for advice, but person who was in one relationship which ended up chaos, is not the best advisor.

But I tried to be as helpful as I could be, because I believed in them. My greatest suggestion was 'talk as much as you can'. You can follow your heart, but it's not the best compass. Communication is the key, but you should know how to use it right. You don't need these sweeping gestures, just remember what they are talking about, simple things. It can be mesmerizing how people talk, what's doing inside their head, what influence moral attitudes and beliefs have on how they speak and express their thoughts.

I remembered how jealous Alice was. There were acts of passive aggression towards me, because she thought that I could steal her boy. But when I calmed her down with couple of facts about Connor's life, what a pig he could be at home and I'd never agree to live with him ever again, we became best friends.

Observing the development of their feeling towards each other was like following the first steps of a child. Timid and discreet. Their feelings were pure, were like they were like bare wires, one touch and they could light a room.

They are the prove that true love exists. Connor can be arrogant towards me and I'm good with it, because I do the same, but with Alice he is sweeter than cotton candy. The way he cherishes her isn't described in any love story.

It was pleasure for me to help them or advise something. I really consider this couple as my family here, in London. They probably think that I'm their younger naughty sister and 'problem' is my middle name. We've been through a lot, and we're a backup of each other. Taking them down with me is the worst I could do in my life and I'll do everything to fix my mistakes.

They with all our conflicts in the past are one of the most significant people for me. Despite our not too big age difference, they gave me a lot of life lessons and one of them is that family is not always people related by blood.

The more often I think about my problems, the more often I catch myself on a thought me being a drama queen. There a lot of people who are suffering not only mentally, but physically too, and my problems are nothing compared to theirs.

My life transformed into entanglement, because of my past. The more I am pondering, the further in corners of my mind I am getting into and the scarier it becomes. Considerable number of things happened during past few weeks which give me food for thoughts. My conclusions are gathering inside my mind like lava inside the volcano.