E L I X I R | L.T.

𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐯𝐞 | 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐩𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐞

georgia ku - lighthouse

clean bandit - symphony (feat. zara larsson)

hozier - jackie and wilson (live perfomance)

As soon as these seven words have slipped off my mouth, the whole world stops. In this moment of deep confession, my fear is mixed with the words that escaped from his mouth. The process of overthinking rushes through my mind assuming different things, but part of me, and the most rational and narcissistic one believes that his words mean the same as mine. The tension inside the room becomes unbearable. Louis's body seems to be filled with concrete because every muscle tenses under my touch.

No one hasn't said a word yet and I'm scared to raise my head off his lap to face him. His hand which has been running through my hair stops as well as my breath. Both of us haven't expected these words to leave my mouth, and this scares me the most. The peaceful atmosphere has affected my mind, which leads to the moment of my greatest confession. Being the coward I am, I'm scared to be the one who breaks the silence.

All this time, since I have realized that I'm in love with this man, I have been overthinking if is it right to feel such a strong connection with him after barely a few weeks being together and after a couple of months knowing each other. In my mind are replaying Louis's words about us not being a usual couple, more rebellious one, which breaks the rules of relationship setting new ones, which are comfortable only for both of us.

My personal meaning of "love" has been distorted and uglified, and in comparison with what I feel now can't be named as "love", more like blind devotion and obsession. But Louis unconsciously has made everything to change it to the roots. The jokes we make, the sweet gestures we share, the comfort we look for in each other, the bubble that creates every time we're together.

The room has gone silent for a minute or five, I've absolutely lost the count, even voices of Harry Potter characters seem to fade. I sit up on the bed crossing my legs, but I'm still afraid of looking into his eyes. Being a nervous wreck I am, I can't stop fidgeting my fingers and my thoughts jump from one to another. My head is spinning and it seems that the air in the room is rarefied as at the highest peak in the world, and the overwhelming feeling pushing me out of the room, but I jump slightly when Louis's hand lands on mine. His hand cups my cheek making me look at him. Slowly and hesitantly I tear my gaze from my hands and lift my head to look at Louis.

I lift my head, my eyes are closed. I'm afraid, however, I'm not sure what I'm scared about. Rejection? Telling the truth? Consequences? Future?

"Vivian, baby," his thumb rubs my cheek when I'm fighting with tears. "Open your eyes, please." I shake my head in disagreement. "Please, Vi. Please," Louis connects his forehead with mine and his breath is dancing on my lips.

When I finally lift my eyelids, the gaze of electric blue eyes is welcoming me. Neither of us talks for a solid minute trying to fish out the emotions in the depth of our eyes. My mixed feelings are harder to read than his clearly visible tenderness, fondness, and amorousness.

It's funny how I distinguish these emotions in him with a lack of my personal experience, but being observant these all years, watching the development of Connor and Alice's relationship has taught me more than I imagined.

"What a plot twist you are, Vi," Louis cups my cheeks with his hands. "Why do you always have more courage? Why did you have more courage than I to say these words first?"

"What, what do you mean?" I stutter.

"You have more courage, but not logic," Louis chuckles, and his gaze falls to my lips and returns to my confused eyes. "I'm truly, madly, deeply in love with you, but being the brave little bird you are, you took away a chance of mine to tell you this first. I persuaded that it was evident from miles away." The whisper leaves his mouth with such ease like he's been rehearsing it all his life on a daily basis.