Defenceless l.s

Sixty Six

LIFE IS GREEEAT!!!!!! WOOOOO!!!!!! 🥳🥳🥳 *KILL ME PLEASE!?* ALSO I WANT LOUIS' MERCH :(

Harry rubbed his eyes as he climbed out of his bed. "Louis?" No answer. "Lou?" He put on a pair of sweats and went out to the living room looking for his boyfriend, but he wasn't there, nor was he in the kitchen, or the bathroom but his jacket was still hanging in the hall. He picked up his phone and called him, worry slowly settling in his stomach. Silence. Silence. Silence. Why wasn't he picking up? He figured Louis would be a bit upset after last night, but he didn't expect him to just disappear. Then he heard it. She asked me what does it mean, the Gaelic ink on your arm? It was one of my friend's songs, do you want to drink it? She took Jamie as a chaser- Harry hung up the phone and rushed to his bedroom to find Louis' phone lying there on his nightstand. Great! Now what? 

He decided to send Zayn a little text, asking if he had gone home. He really shouldn't be this worried, and quite frankly he wouldn't be if it was anyone but Louis. He tended to get a bit in his head and overthink everything there is to think about, then go crawling back into his shell. Harry would have to gently coax him out again and it wasn't always easy but after a bit of poking and prodding he would see his Louis slowly coming back out again, and those times he didn't succeed, well then he would just start a movie or just talk about his day until the clouds in his eyes would disappear and he would crawl into Harry's arms, finally letting him stroke his hair until every last bit of uncertainty was gone. At Least for a little while. They would repeat this same pattern until Harry was sure that Louis wasn't going anywhere, and even after that he would never stop.

From Zayn: No, why? 

Harry cursed under his breath.

From Styles: No reason

He got a few confused texts from Zayn that he didn't have time to answer as he was very busy throwing on a shirt and grabbing his car keys all the while trying to tie his shoes. He grabbed Louis' coat and ran out the front door. 

Louis had found himself wondering down a little path in some meadow where apparently a lot of people like to walk their dogs despite the cold weather and Louis could simply not fathom why people would walk this far to walk a dog. He's not sure how he ended up there, all he knows is that he is fucking freezing yet he doesnt feel like going back. His mind was a bit fuzzy and he wasn't sure if it was because of the lack of sleep or if his brain just decided to shut off like it does sometimes. He wouldn't mind, it was actually quite peaceful and he savored the moments his mind wasn't sworns with a million thoughts, but it became a problem when he started drifting off whenever he was the slightest bit stressed. Or maybe it was the cold, who knows? 

He could see the sun far behind the treetops and briefly wondered if he should be heading back and searched his pockets for his phone just to realize that he left it at Harrys. Great. Whatever. He'll just walk around a little bit longer until everything was clear cause he wasn't quite sure what to say to Harry right now. 

I love you. Love. He loves Louis. These three words had been stuck in Louis' head ever since they left Harry's lips that day and yet he couldn't comprehend the meaning of it. Sometimes he thought he might sink into the ground right under his feet with the gravity off it all. Like the ground would open up and devour him into its darkness like quicksand. Now that he thinks about it, that wouldn't be all that bad, then he wouldn't have to deal with all this. Because Harry doesn't love him. He can't let Harry love him. Even though there was nothing he wanted more than that, everyone knew it would just end badly. Then came the question, did he love Harry? He wasn't quite sure about that either and the guilt that came with not saying it back did not help with figuring it out. He had talked about it in therapy but Jane had just told him to take time and figure it out because apparently they could have different definitions of love, whatever that meant. If that was true, maybe Harry did love him, with his definition. It was a stupid defenition but Harry was a bit stupid sometimes.