The story of Feyoncé(chayley/chadley) [discontinued]

2 We are broken

It feels like my world crashed down on the ground. Like a glass splitting in a million pieces- and my heart does the same behind. I break down, sitting on the fitted carpet of the bus crying because of him - again.

Our last arguments weren't big. Mostly we were just fighting about the same things, like making our relationship official or that I sometimes need my time to calm down after during our shows. I always started crying, but just cause I am a sensitive girl and didn't want to fight with him .I was just to much in love with him. So every argument hurts 3 times more but as soon as he said sorry(or I said sorry because I realized that it was all my fault) everything was fine again and it was like nothing ever happened. We got back to being a couple like we used to be. like nothing had happend. The perfect relationship.

But now, something into my head keeps telling me that this time won't be like this. That this argument is bigger and of more importance. Something keeps screaming that this is final. Like I closed the book to our relationship.

"Hey sponge Bob! Where are you? We gotta get ready for the show which starts in an...." he stops as he sees me sitting on the ground crying, " Oh Hayles! Shhhhhhh. It's okay! Tell me what happened. Did he do something again?" his voice sounds so caring, as usual when something happenes to me. Probably because he is caring. He is like my big brother. And I am like his little sister.

I shake my head. "It's all my fault Jer! This time it was me! I ruined everything!" I cry into his shoulder. Now I can't stand it anymore. I just break down in heavy sobs. Being happy that he's here to help me out of this pain - or at least trying to. It takes a while till I finally caught my breathing back. And til I stop crying this hard. But still I can't stop fully. For that it still hurts to much. All I want is running away and cry my eyes out until I can't cry anymore. I am going away for a while but I'll be back don't try and follow me.

"Hayles? Hayley look at me!" He takes my chin softly with his hands so that I can look into his blue eyes, "whatever happened I'm sure it wasn't your fault! You aren't the kind of people who make mistakes! And even if you did something... he will forgive you!"

That's wrong. That's the person I used to be - until yesterday. After a few moments I whisper:"What if I really did? What if I made the biggest mistake of my whole life?" There is clearly visible bitterness swinging with at the end. And he kind of must have noticed cause the next thing I know he does is looking deep into my eyes and mentioning: "What did you do?" He didn't really say it. There was no need to. He just moved his lips. I look away. I can't talk about it. And I don't want to talk about it. And to be honest: I don't even know exactly what happened. Therefore my hangover is just too bad. And the fact that I still have to remember and talk about it later on, when HE'll be standing there, makes my stomach cramp.

After I didn't answer him he just nods. "it's fine Hayles. I understand that you don't want to talk about it just now. Just know that i'll be there for you when you finally want to talk about it. Im always there." With that he stands up and helds out his hand for me to take." Well then let's go! Cause if I remember correctly are you the one who takes the longest to get ready!" He winkes at me with a halfsmile. There I can't do anything other that laughing too. It was always so easy to forget about everything bad when Jeremy was around. He kind of has this talent to cheer you up in every situation you are. Or at least light your mood a little bit.

We got out of the back room and into the bunk area where my clothes are. I take the ones I want to wear for today's show grab my journal and go into the bathroom to get changed and write down the lyrics that just came up in my mind. As I get out, jer gets in and I start doing my make-up. It's not much. Just a bit of eyeliner. As soon as I've finished, the door opens and Jeremy comes out. Wordless we leave the bus and get into the area where the stage is.

As we get in, Zac and Taylor are walking towards us. When they walk past Zac just mumbles at me: "How dare you?" And shoots me an evil look.

I want to cry again. Why do all people have to remember me that I did a mistake I can't even remember? And even worse: when he knows, Josh told him. And when he knows, he'll tell Taylor. And if Taylor knows Jeremy will know soon too. Everybody will know. But they'll all just know the lies he wants them to hear. To make me down. To let it look like I'm the worst person you could imagine. This must not happen. I also can tell them. And then they'll know the truth and besides does nobody out there like fans or press really know of josh's and my relationship. It's a secret. It.... was a secret.... So this can be a secret too, can't it? Now the only thing i can do is hope. Hope for it to stay a secret.

We walk further into the area,where I see THEM standing. The whole band. They must be playing right after us. Great. As I come in, they all look at me. In a weird way. But still HE's kind of smiling like saying i remember last night... no to be hinest he's smiling like an idiot. I feel my cheeks turn red and a tear escapes my eye. Quickly I wipe it away- but of course Jeremy noticed. "Did THEY do anything?" he whispers. I shake my head just to nod afterwards. You can see the anger growing bigger into his body. Slowly forming in every muscle of his body as they get ready and he storms away. Into THEIR direction "If they hurt my little hayley.... there will be some..." "No! Jer please don't...." I start to Panik. My voice becomes shaky and tears are forming in my eyes. After looking at me and thinking for a bit he relaxes his body again and nods understanding: "I see it's complicated..." I nod and with that he lays his arm around my shoulder to protect me while we are passing them. "Can we talk little girl?" HE asks. He must have walked into our direction while i talked to Jeremy..... dammit"LET HER ALONE! AND DON'T YOU DARE CALLING HER LITTLE GIRL AGAIN!" Jeremy snaps before I could manage to say something. He tightens his grip around me and speeds up his steps til we're in the backstage room which is reserved for us.

There he let go of me to close the door. I sit down in an arm chair slowly and try to not start crying. But that didn't quite work, cause as soon as Jeremy turns around and looks at me with his ice blue eyes I start to cry heavily. He tries to comfort me and surprisingly it works."I know you don't want to talk to me about this, but what did Zac mean by 'how dare you'?" he asks slowly. I close my eyes. Inhale exhale. It calms me down. " I-I-I... I made a mistake" it finally escape my mouth."I know hayles I know." He hugs me tight.

At this moment the door opens up and Josh walks in. As soon as he sees me he just exhaled loudly and visibly annoyed and moves over to the guitar stand, to tune his guitar. After a moment of thinking, collecting and sorting my feelings again I just simply say:" I am going to get ready again. My make up must look horrible" I said it more to Jeremy who nods but as I leave the room I hear Josh mumbling " just try to run away like you always do. But later on stage you won't be able to run away..." at this point I have closed the door. I can see him smiling conniving in my thoughts, but I shake it of and turn around to move to the bus, only to realize that New found glory are still standing there.

As fast as I can I run to the bathroom, not realizing that I am running in the wrong direction and directly into the men's bathroom. I just open the door, run in and lean again the closed door-only to recognize the unfortunately too familiar face in front of me. It takes me a second to finally get that I'm in the mens bathroom. I look around panicking."Hayley..." HE starts off but there I am already squashing myself through the tiny window above one toilet. Ruggedly I land on the cold hard and muddy ground. I stand up and run. Not breathing until I am into the paramore tourbus.