The story of Feyoncé(chayley/chadley) [discontinued]

3 When you swear it's all my fault

I close the door of the bus. Thinking that I am alone. I walk to my bunk, take my things and go into the bathroom. I strip myself down and step into the shower. It feels good just letting the warm water run down my skin. I just need that now- even though I just got ready to go on stage and only have like 30 minutes left before the show starts.

I stay in the shower for a few minutes longer to calm me down. I then turn the water off and step out, wrapping a towel around me. After noticing, that I forgot my underwear, I leave the bathroom and walk over to my bunk. As soon as the towel hits the ground I hear a noise which sound like:" Dammit! Now I know what they were talking about!" It was just a whisper. "What the heck Hayley? Do you want to upset him even more? Am I your next victim?" Taylor almost screams. He is turned around to not be facing me, but still has his hands above his eyes. Great. Another boy who has seen me naked and which actually is NOT my boyfriend. I quickly dress myself to don't make all of this even more awkward and check my self in the mirror, to be serious that I really am dressed. I am, so I turn to Tay:" You can look now. I am dressed." "Promise?" He still sounds shocked."pinky promise!" With that he turns around, looking up and down on me. I blush so now I must have the shade of a tomato but also the blood pumps through my head and makes my hangover even worse."so do you want to talk about it?" Taylor asks awkwardly after a long break. It was totally clear that he didn't know what to say.

"I'm fine" i lie. He knows I'm lying. He knows me too well. After another awkward silence I admin:"I just wonder what's going to happen next and-" at that moment the door opens and Jeremy comes in. Of course he's already making out with some random chick. Typically him. I wonder if he'll ever grow up. Like having a wife or kids... just the thought of it is strange so I quickly find back to reality.

He's so busy with that chick that he doesn't even notice me and Taylor standing there awkwardly. We exchange a look and slowly walk out of the bus to not interrupt jer. He wouldn't have noticed anyways. After walking out and closing the door we slowly make our way back to the backstage area. After a few seconds I see my friend sherri standing there, probably watching the set on stage. Oh shit hayley. Just smile and wave at her so she doesn't come over- dammit she's coming. Now stay cool. "Hi Sherri"I greet her. By now she looks happy and not like she's going to slap me. So maybe she doesn't know yet... now play along hayley."Hi Hayley honey! How are you?" She hugs me like we're still best friends. Now that's a good sign right? "I'm fine" I lie. And she doesn't seem to notice that I'm lying... or she just doesn't care."Oh that's great honey!" Aren't you on in like 15 minutes?" "Yes we are. And that's why we have to go now. Bye sherri see you soon!" Did I already say that I love Taylor? He just counts 1 and 1 together and always saves my ass. Just like he did now. We quickly walk back to our dressing room, trying to ignore everyone on our way and actually we made it just in time. Josh and Zac are already there. Jeremy probably still is with that chick... "Hi guys" Zac only looks up a second, he still is to sunk in his drumming. "Sooner or later your problems will get you..."it's just a whisper but I still can hear it. And there is the little dirty smirk I meant. That douchebag. That is enough! I can't do that anymore. I try to calm down but it just doesn't work. Slowly but surely the anger is making its way up. Taylor seems to notice cause his hand was laid on my arm and he slowly starts counting to ten-but it's already to late. I was totally loosing it. "JOSH JUST LISTEN TO ME! I DIDN'T WANT THIS WHOLE THING TO HAPPEN BUT IT JUST DID! THERE IS NO REASON BESIDES THAT YOU MADE ME DRUNK! I regret every single second of it and believe me I really didn't want to loose my best friend." At this point the tears just flood out of my eyes. And I really don't care right now, because it feels good to just let all those thoughts out. The whole day they had eaten me up and now I finally can spill everything out." She's in this too now and totally is going to hate me. But you really really have to believe me that the thing I regret the most is doing that to you. I love you with all of my heart and seeing you hating me breaks me. I just need you- but if you can't forgive me for something I did because you kind of made me... then I don't know... I think... I don't know... I just want..." " MY fault? From one to the other second you were gone! We all were sick because of that! And then I find you on the bus! Like THIS! Don't you know how horrible that is? You're so heartbreaking Hayley! What ever you do you only hurt people! So don't tell me it's my fault! In general it always is my fault! Even if I haven't done anything!" "You haven't done anything? Just lie to yourself like you said that I do! At least I know it when I'm lying. And I know that it's bad! And I don't tell my girlfriend that she's heartbreaking" the last sentence was only a whisper. And with that my hand collapses with his cheek. Hard. And it hurts but I still wish I would have hit him even harder. "Hey hayles! Everything is fine" before I could only think about hitting him again, I am in a tight grip between Jeremy muscular arms. And that is the point I realize that I am crying. And I only start crying harder as it echoes through my head. Keep me save inside your arms like towers. Tower over me. Cause we are broken. I wrote it for Josh. A long time ago. Now my sobbing becomes uncontrollably. At the same time as Jeremy opens his mouth to speak, the door opens and Andrew our tour manager comes in. "Guys what's up? Your on in 5 and... What the hell happened in here? Is everybody alright?" Now he looks worried. His look moves from one face to the other. "We're fine" I lie drying my eyes with the sleeves of my jacket." Are you sure? Otherwise we can canc-" "Yes yes! We're sure!" I interrupt him before he can end that terrible word."Just give me two minutes...I bet I look horrible" I don't know if they heard that wisper but now it's to late cause I'm already into the bathroom. And this time it's the GIRLS bathoom. My reflection in the mirror looks as horrible as I feel. My white shirt is wet from crying and my black skirt and white and yellow tights are too... great! but the show must go on right? The door opens and sherri walks in. "Oh sweetie what happened?" Why her of all people? Now stay calm hayley... everything's fine. "I'm alright" note to self: learn how to lie."it's okay if you don't wanna talk about it. But here take this. Then people won't notice because of your look" she winks at me and lays her make up bag next to me on the sink. I quickly apply it. A bit of eyeshadow, rouge, mascara and a bit of lip gloss. And I do have to say: for the little time I had it looks pretty good. "Hayley come out there" so he's making out with random chicks but too scared to open the door to the girls bathroom? Confusing... Leaving the room he's casually standing next to the door. "There you are! Now we really have to hurry" and with that we start running. Just in time we reach the stage. I pass the bag to sherri who's already standing there backstage, grab my Mic and run up on stage behind the other boys. Jeremy grabs his bass and runs in front of me, cause the boys should show up first on stage .