Chapter 3

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*From now on, I want to write chapters that aren't just sex, chapters that talk about their relationship and that sort of thing. There will still be sex every chapter, but there will other things as well.*

If seen a series of tiktoks about how a (celebrity/character name) would react to (something). I really like that idea and want to bring it to my writing. Fell free to comment/dm me things you want me to write.

I've been feeling really down lately, which is why I haven't been writing. I hope you understand.

This chapter is about Helena reacting to you being depressed.

*This chapter does talk about self-harm. If you don't want to read this chapter because of the topic, I understand and I hope you have a great rest of your day/night :)*

I had a long day at work. I wasn't necessarily feeling down, just numb. I felt like I couldn't experience feelings, like some part of my brain wasn't allowing me to feel things. I had become more aware of this over that past couple weeks and I know Helena could sense it too.

I walked up to her house, seeing her little plants in the front garden that always made me smile. I noticed that she added more plants outside her house, since she knew they made me happy. I don't deserve someone like her. I don't deserve love from anyone, let alone her.

I knocked on her door, since I didn't have a key to her house. She slowly opened the door, her eyes slowly meeting mine and she beamed with excitement.

"Oh my gosh! Baby I missed you. How was your day?" She said while drowning me in her warm hug, softly kissing my forehead.

I loved coming home to her, she was like an excited, clingy puppy whenever she saw me. She always seemed happy to see me, that made me feel seen.

I melted into her hug, just allowing myself to snuggle into her arms and feel the sunlight protruding from her every crevice.

"So? How was your day?" She said, still holding me in her arms.

"Better now that I'm with you." I felt her smile against my forehead, her cheeks blushing slightly.

"Aww, thanks angel." She said as she let me out of her hug. I whimpered from the loss of contact.

She looked back at me with her puppy dog eyes, opening her arms. "Do you want another huggle?" She knew that when I'm down, I get super clingy.

I didn't even answer, I just re-entered her warm embrace.

As I wrapped my forearms around her back, I winced in pain. I had slid an open wound against the fabric of her dress. That really stung for a moment.

"Whats wrong?" She asked in her innocent voice, that was such turn on.

"Nothing, I'm fine." I said with my chin resting on her shoulder. I knew I wasn't fine, and she knew it too.

A few hours later, I sauntered up to our bedroom for some alone time. She always respected my alone time, that's something I really admire about her. She doesn't pressure me to be around her when I don't want to and vice versa.

I left the door open and laid down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. I closed my eyes and lifted up the sleeve on my left arm. I let my right fingers softly caress the scarred indentations on my left forearm, noticing how some scars (the fresher ones) were warmer than the others.

In that moment, I truly felt worthless. I knew my boss hated me, my parents hate me because of my sexuality. They disowned me as a teenager. After they disowned me, I moved from California to London and started a new life. I don't have many friends of my own, all my friends are Helena's friends. No matter what she says, no matter how many times she says she loves me, I'm still convinced that she doesn't like me. I have trust issues and sometimes when she leaves the house, I get worried that she'll never return, that she'll leave me alone in her massive home. I know she would never do that, but my paranoia never lets me rest from these thoughts.

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