Royally Interested

Chapter 23

Adjusting back to my life within the palace , wasn't as easy as I had anticipated.

It's funny how quickly you can get used to a certain life style and the moment you no longer have it , it just...feels like you've never had it in the first place. Rysand of course thought that I was being silly and that I was born for this type of thing , but I could tell he was seeing it too. He was just trying to be supportive of me. My first week back I spilled coffee all over his desk filled with important papers , I tried to 'give the staff instructions ' as he put it , and ended up giving his advisor the task of fetching his morning coffee. I was awful at my job. I had no idea what I was doing or how I was supposed to do it. I knew I couldn't expect Rysand to just drop everything and help me with such frivolous and mundane tasks , but I also couldn't do everything by myself either.

Luckily for me ; Evander was what brought me joy in the morning and comfort after a long day. I never thought I would utter these words but , I loved being a mother. It's the most difficult and time consuming job in the world , but it was also the most rewarding and important place to fill. Everyday I would wake up and he would find a new way of making my heart melt . It wasn't as much the big things he did , but the smaller more insignificant details that caught my attention.

"Who loves you the most ? " I said in a high pitched voice as I picked Evander up from his crib making him smile.

"Well I would say that would be me , but I also know that a mother's love is far much stronger " Rysand said appearing in the door with a dazzling smile.

"I would argue with that but I think we both know who will win at the end. " I teased handing Evander over to him as I set out his clothes.

"Fair point. " He answered with a laugh "So what are the two of you up to today ? " He asked sitting down on my bed.

"Uhm... well , I have an appointment with the wedding planner later ? But other than that I'm completely free. Why do you ask ? "

"No reason. Are you at least excited ? " He asked in a tone of voice I've come to learn as his nervous or rather careful tone of voice.

"For the wedding or the appointment ? " I asked turning back around towards him.

"Both"

I stayed silent for a while thinking about how to answer that. In a way I guess I was equally as nervous. This was a very big step , not only marriage in itself but becoming a part of what people- like me- views as royalty. I didn't know if I was up to the task or even if I would be capable of for filling such an important role in so many people's lives. And then there was the whole marriage side of things... I've hardly known Rysand. 9 months seems like a lot of time but to me it's not nearly enough. Do I love him ? Of course. Do I regret saying yes ? Not at all. But am I scared of what this is going to mean for me ? An awful lot , yes. But I couldn't possibly tell him that . Can I ?

"Your silence is making me uneasy . " Rysand voiced bringing me back to the conversation.

"hmm ? " I said in realization that I just completely spaced out , seeing him look at me with a puzzled expression.

"Is everything alright ? "

"Oh ! yes , everything is fine. " I quickly answered with a smile , going back to setting out Evander's things.

"Are you sure ? You know you can tell me anything right ? " He asked caring , approaching me and placing his hand on my shoulder.

"Of course. " I tried to answer convincingly as I was all to grateful for his phone cutting our conversation short.

"I have to take this . See you later ? " He asked placing Evander back into his crib.

"Sure. " I said with a trying smile as listened to him walk back down to his office.

Was it wrong of me to have lied to him ? well , it sure wasn't the honourable thing to do. But how can I voice my concerns when he's already so excited ? I couldn't possibly take that from him. I just have to accept that this will be my new life now and that I should just get used to . I guess sooner rather than later.

*****

"Royal blue or Violet ? " Ira - Our wedding planner- asked as she held up another dozen fabric swatches all seeming the same colour to me. I mean , how many different types of blue's and purples do you need ?

"I don't know , you decide. " I said discouraged as I watched her write something down.

"Alright. Now on to the music. Do you prefer smooth jazz or a classical ballot about-"

"Can we pick this up tomorrow ? It's getting late and I -"

"Oh ! of course. How silly of me to have kept you. We'll just pick this all up tomorrow. " She said with a perky smile while packing everything into her bag.

"Thank you Ira . " I said standing up

"You're very welcome miss Avalon. " She called behind me as I made my way to Rysand's office. I don't know why this was the first place I thought of going but somehow... this is where I ended up. I had no idea why I was here or even what I would say , I guess I just needed comfort more than answers right now. I knew he couldn't possibly understand what I was going through , he was born into royalty . But I also knew that ; had I not raised my hand to knock on his door , I wouldn't have received the answers to all of my questions either.

That's it my lovelies ! Thank you so much for reading. Updates are going to start getting a little slow since Uni has started back up again a few weeks ago. This chapter is one of the last pre written drafts I have saved so I'm slow with writing new ones. Please be patient as I try to get to everything. But until next time , Keep howling my wolves ❤🐺