it's inevitable | st berry

CHAPTER 7

He took a deep breath before talking again "I dropped out of college. My parents forced me to go to a stupid school in California even though I told them countless times I did not want to attend but instead  I wanted to start my career right away. I was done with High School and I had no choice but to go. I couldn't handle the pressure of the school so I dropped out. I contacted some friends, moved from California to here, took a lot of different jobs, did some gigs at bars and after a year my parents decided to talk to me again and paid half of the tuition for NYADA. So I now live with Sam, still work at a bar and I'm a sophomore."

I had no idea he went through all of that while I was still in High School. I'm just starting to take into account that I have no idea what his life has been like since he was just a senior at Carmel.

"Wow, that's... awful. I'm glad you got back up and built the life you wanted" I sent a small grin to him.

The coffee and muffins arrived and we made small talk while eating. Favorite teachers, favorite classes... Stuff like that so we were both avoiding what we wanted to say.

I was sipping the last bit of my coffee when Jesse spoke up.

"Rachel I'm sorry," he told me while looking down at his plate. "What I did to you... that has been my one great regret"

"Yeah, it was kind of weird. One day you were telling me that you loved me and then you were inexplicably throwing eggs at my head the next." I replied.

He looked down again before replying "I know, I know. I traded to love for a fourth consecutive championship... dumbest thing I ever did." He paused "At the time I felt like I had no other choice, but I still should never have done that to you."

He sighed, "I really am so incredibly sorry. Letting you go was the hardest thing I've ever had to do and I- I promise to make up for it."

"Sorry doesn't fix everything, Jesse." I felt my eyes start  to water and tried my best to hide it "I trusted you, okay? You were the only person I thought I could trust."

He frowned.

"I- I know but can we talk about it? At least?"

"What's there to talk about? You left me. I'm sorry but I can't do this." I can't. I won't just accept his apology and be back to normal on how things were in a matter of seconds. So I stood up and prepared myself to leave while tears were dripping down my cheeks.

"Rachel, please don't leave." Jesse begged me and tried grabbing my hand so I could look at him.

I turned around and watched his clear blue eyes watering like he's crying but the tears won't fall.

"It's not fair, okay? Two years, Jesse, two years. You did not call, you did not text, nothing. And I waited, every single day of my life to see if you would text me and come back to me.

"I didn't even care that it was you who left and betrayed me. I wanted to see you. To hear you, to talk to you again. And then, just because we managed to go to the same school now you want to fix everything and go back to what we were just by saying a meaningless apology? I can't do that. I won't." By the time I finished talking my eyes were filled with tears and I was standing up to leave the Coffee Shop with every ounce of bravery I had left.

He grabbed my hand which made me look at him again, and he looked hurt. Like someone had punched him. After a few seconds, he replied with a soft voice.

"I understand but before you leave, I just wanted to tell you that you have every right to leave me right here and never talk to me again. All I want you to know is that I never ever stopped loving you."

I closed my eyes and let the tears fall off while I just nodded, and left the place.