Midnight Bound || BTS JUNGKOOK WEREWOLF AU

Ch.19 Stagnant

I slam the door behind me, tears incessantly streaming down my cheeks. I'm in a daze, nothing around me feels real. I can feel the threat of vomit rising in my throat. Immediately my hand covers my mouth as I run to the bathroom and spill the remnants of the stomach into the toilet. My throat burns from my retching, exhausting me even further. As I go to flush the toilet, I hear a howl from the forest, tearing through my entire soul like I'm being burned alive. I choke on another sob, falling to the cool tile beneath me, hiding my head in between my arms, as if I'll wake up and this will all have been just a nightmare.

The look of Jungkook's face, the way he had fallen to his knees begging, it was all too much. The memory of what had just happened was already beginning to haunt the consciousness of my mind, and the worst part of it all...I was the one to blame for all this. I was the one who had said those terrible things to him. I will never forgive myself for the vial things I let slip from my mouth, but I knew the only way to make him stay away from me was to cause scars that I know would never mend themselves. Bringing up his past like that, when I know how insecure he had felt when he told me; I had crossed a line. But I had to remind myself of the reason behind my unforgivable actions. Sehun.... His life was on the line, and I don't doubt for even a second that Deena was bluffing. She had made him follow me to the house, as a reminder of what was at stake if I hadn't broken things off with...him. Deena had casted a spell on Sehun, masking his scent, thus making Jungkook unable to sense his presence.

The bathroom door creaked open. Sehun was standing in the doorframe, concern painted on his face. I could tell he was hesitant, finding me in my pitiful state on the bathroom floor. "Y/n...." he kneels down next to me and places his hand on my back trying to soothe me. I feel repulsed by his touch, I honestly just wanted to be left alone at the moment but I didn't flinch away.

"You didn't have to do this. You should have just let her take me, this...this just isn't right." I couldn't see his face but the sniffling beside me told me everything I needed to know.

I savor the feeling of the cool flooring on my cheek before slowly standing up, and walking away. I stop at the door and turn my head around to address him. "Don't blame yourself. If you want someone to blame, blame her. She's the one who made this all happen." I lean against the frame, my head feeling heavy as it hangs low. My voice comes out cracked and strained, reflecting my inner turmoil. "I'm going to let her know about what's happened. What's done is done."

Sehun remains silent on the floor, his chin is resting on his knees. I don't say anything else, not having the energy to continue any type of conversation. I shuffle towards my bedroom, finding my phone to text Deena what had happened. My vision blurs as the tears that had started to dry came rushing back as I sent the message. Telling her what had happened made it feel concrete. I fell onto my bed, burying my face in the covers to muffle my screams. I claw at the shirt I was wearing, feeling suffocated, my breathing feels forced at this point. I tuck my head into myself and close my eyes,but the foul memories from today kept replaying in my brain. Nothing helps my situation, for the one thing in life that made it worth living was now torn forceable from my grasp.

***

Three weeks. That's how many days have passed since I saw Jungkook last; not that I was counting the days. Sehun who was forced to stay by my side would update me every now and then what day of the week it was, not that I cared. I felt like an animal imprisoned in a cage. Everyday blurred into the next. I was trapped in a stagnant cycle of my own muddled reality. Even though Sehun was ordered by Deena to keep an eye on me, I was somewhat grateful for his constant presence. He reminded me to eat, to sleep...to live.

My legs carried me across my house to the bathroom, in a futile attempt to provide myself with an ounce of self care. Passing through, I could see Sehun passed out on my couch, light snores coming from his opened mouth. He looked peaceful sleeping there I thought as I proceeded to close the bathroom door behind me. Nowadays, his face was casted under a light of guilt, guilt from the position he was in. Much like me, he blamed himself for what had happened. I could see it in the way he constantly downcast his eyes when speaking with me.

Although I tried not to put any blame on him, it was hard to get rid of the nagging feeling in the back of my mind that wanted to shift it onto him. I know he could not have helped being essentially kidnapped by Deena and mind controlled as an extended puppet. During these three weeks my mind had been occupied with 'what if' scenarios, when I wasn't being haunted by the thought of the loss of Jungkook that is. What if I had never gone to Miya's house that day? What if I had noticed something was off about Sehun and had told Jungkook about it? Could I have done something different? I was tormented by the thought that I had made a mistake by completely cutting off Jungkook without a truthful explanation. Deep down I wanted to believe that Deena was bluffing when threatening Sehun's life, but I had no way of knowing. I was scared, I still am scared. Even though Deena isn't around me, I can still feel her sinister presence within Sehun's presence. Seeing him everyday is a reminder that I'm still being watched over. I'm assuming Deena wants me babysat for fear that the pack will come back. I can only assume that they have left town since I haven't been further threatened by Deena.

I stare at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, barely recognizing my face anymore. My eyes were rimmed with dark circles from my utter lack of sleep.  It truly was tormentous that I could not even flee my reality through the escapism aspect that going to sleep provides most individuals. I had told Sehun he could take up residence on my couch during his duration of staying with me. His constant presence was a reminder that life outside of my four walls existed.

I turned on the sink and leaned over, splashing the cold water onto my skin. I welcomed the chill that irradiated my body, giving me a feeling of being alive.

"I think we should go out today." Sehun's sudden voice made me jump slightly catching me off guard. I wiped my face off with a nearby towel turning to face him.

"Why? We're perfectly fine here." My voice cracked, a result of me not putting it to use very often.

Sehun sighed, crossing his arms at my statement. "Y/n, don't bullshit me. You're obviously not doing ok. You sleep more than half the day, and when you do manage to come out of your room, it's only to briefly go into the kitchen or bathroom."

I rolled my eyes and huffed out a breath, annoyed because what he was saying was true.

"I'm trying, Sehun, I really am."

His eyes softened at my slumped form. "I know you are. I just think you maybe need some help with that. I think getting away from this house for a bit, even if for a few hours, will help. A change of scenery if you will."

I turned back to the mirror, my reflection still staring back at me, contemplating his proposition. I did agree with him that a change in scenery would help my mental health, even though the mere thought of having to exist in society out in the open exhausted me. "Ok, I'll go."

I heard him shift his weight in excitement. "I think you'll feel a lot better once you breathe in some fresh air."

I silently nodded at him, walking past him towards my room to find a different change of clothes. After changing I looked at myself in the mirror, luckily since I haven't left the house in awhile a lot of my clothes were already clean and tucked away. I tried forcing a smile, the feeling foreign on my face. I read somewhere that smiling for an extended period of time tricked your body into believing it was truly feeling happiness, seemed like bullshit to me.

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HELLO!! No I have not forgotten about this book😭 I am graduating soon so I've been a little busy with all of that but I hope everyone who reads enjoys this chapter!! Wishing all of you a great day :3