Recap: Chapter 23
He was unbuttoning her blouse; she could feel the wind softly caresses her bare skin as it breezed through the room. His trail of kisses was warm and left her aching for more, needing more. Ariel opened her eyes and gazed at Joe. It was time...it was time to tell him the truth...the ugly truth about her. Would he still love her after she confesses her fear? Her secret?
"I'm scared."
Two simple words filled with fear and uncertainties in her voice. Joe immediately lifted his body off her and glanced at her face. Ariel lowered her head in shame, and avoided eye contact. Did I scare her? Joe berated himself, why am I so stupid when it comes to Ariel?
"I'm sorry Ariel, I didn't mean to scare you...I shouldn't have...."
Ariel grabbed her husband's hands and held it firmly in hers.
"Will...you still love me...will you still love me after I tell you the truth about me?" She asked.
What truth? Joe felt his heart ached as his wife's voice lowered and she tried to hide her face behind her hair. What was going on? Ariel squeezed his hands so tight he could see blood flushing red against his skin. Where was his strong, stubborn wife? Joe gently untangled from his wife's hold and hugged her from behind. He covered her back with his body and held her snugly in his arms.
"Are you afraid that I'll stop loving you because of your truth? What do I need to do to prove my love to you Ariel?" He asked completely at a loss of what to say to comfort her.
"Please listen, I don't want to ever repeat this again..."
After a long silence, Ariel finally heaved a huge sigh and moved out of Joe's arms.
"You know what I fear the most?"
Another long silence before Ariel finally whispered,
"Love.....It's really scary isn't it?... to be filled with such happiness, to be so high on love that...once your heart breaks and the love is gone you're left with ... emptiness, what do you replaced your wounded heart with?
I watched my parents' relationship deteriorated before my eyes. Their love fading until it no longer exists; instead... in its place they filled it with hatred, anger, violence, pain. Their hatred is in me Joe. My father's blood is in me...the blood that turned love into such cruel hate flows in every part of my body. Did you know my father won't even blink an eye if he really did kill my mother? The same woman he once loved? Did you know that I sometime wanted to kill my father? This hatred I have in me just won't disappear. This ugly, hateful part of me don't want you to love me. I don't want to love you...if I don't love you and you don't love me....then it won't hurt so much if one day you stopped loving me...I don't want to hurt you if your feelings change, I don't know what I'll do if my feelings change..."
Joe pulled Ariel against his chest and enveloped his arms around her.
"Stupid fool."
Joe whispered in her ear and laughed. He did not realize how tense his body became while waiting for his wife to confess her secret. Joe tilted Ariel's chin upward and forced her to look into his eyes. He leaned in and tightened his hold on her. Every time Ariel averted her eyes, her husband would lift her chin up and forced her to look at him. She saw concern in his eyes, warmth, love; he was sending her a message.
Ariel nodded mutely indicating she understood his message. Her husband grinned and gently laid his chin on top of her head. With their arms weaved around each other, Ariel sighed loudly trying to let go of all her worries.
Stupid fool.
Joe called her a stupid fool, normally Ariel would not tolerate such name calling...but this time her husband was right. She was a stupid fool, why did she put herself through so much torture and made everything so complicated when it didn't need to be? She was afraid...afraid of losing Joe's love, afraid of what she'll become...afraid of becoming like her father. After all, his blood flows in her body. Again, Ariel sighed deeply; at least now Joe knows the truth about her. For now she was safely in his embrace and that was all that matter, she wanted to savor their moments together.
He was holding her...even after her confession he was still holding her.
After a long silence of hugging, Joe lifted Ariel and placed her on his lap.
"Ariel, you are not your father. You are not your mother. You are my wife, the mother of our daughter and the woman I love....I can't guarantee what tomorrow brings, but this much I know is true...I love you even more today than yesterday and I will love you even more tomorrow. If one day your love turns into hate, I will make you fall in love with me all over again. Even if we're both old, and wrinkled like dried up grapes and you realized you hate my guts, I will still love you and I will still make you fall in love with me all over again and again and again until you get it into your head that I want no one but you and I need no one but you."
"People say men with a smooth tongue and honey words are natural born players." Ariel said gruffly, trying to hide her smile.
What he said was so cliché and if she was not mistaken her husband probably took some of the lines from the movies, if not the movies then definitely from Chun but at this point she didn't care. She already knew the dept of his love when he forced her to gaze into his eyes. But how long will this love last? Ariel knew she was being cynical, but she couldn't help wondering. As if Joe read her mind, she heard him answered,
"We have a Lifetime and beyond Ariel. Don't push me away; give me a chance to show you for the rest of our lives...and you have my permission to shoot me if for some odd reason I stopped loving you...I'll even write it as a will, a declaration so you won't get in trouble..."
Ariel felt an aching lump rose in her throat, she didn't know whether she to laugh or cry. She knew her husband was joking but didn't he realized she could really kill him if he ever stopped loving her? That was the very thing she feared. Joe chuckled and kissed his wife's stunned open mouth.
"A life time and beyond Ariel, let me prove it to you."
(A/N: I'm blushing like crazy and gagging over what Joe said. Really, like isn't that a little bit over the top? Come on man, now your wifey Ariel will never believe you! hahaha, but of course it's a story and of course she's going to have to believe him eventually right? Sorry for the rambling ^_^)
