Elizabeth Ice went to Manchester to find herself and reasons for living. Her life changed when she met the actor who was her main hero of her dreams. But no love between a fan and an actor had been never possible...
The voyage started only half hour ago, but my mind had been already filled with memories that I tried to leave behind vainly in the past from which I ran. The realized and forgotten dreams, plans and wishes were flying in my head. Those ideas changed more often than they should be. A month ago I couldn't even imagine that I would fly to Manchester alone.
Burying in thought, I took out my copybook from the light-pink pack-sack and started rereading it. The copybook was always important to me, especially when I was a teenager. When I planned this journey, I wanted to get everything out of my mind and to live at the moment. And I took the diary just in case! The diary that I hadn't put aside for several years. And the moment has come! Again I'm analyzing the past mistakes and blame myself for the only chance to be happy. But who knows, maybe I could find the way one day?
"One day we all become serious and stressed adults, and the present moments of our youth will fade away. Everything started so quickly: independence ideas awoke an echo in my heart that experienced sincere love and true friendship. These events started unexpectedly in my life. And happiness accompanied them for a long lifetime."
Thoughts of painful breakup, songs and the book distracted me from the voyage. That was why 15-hour journey was like a second. Surely, the reminiscences always brought me into depths, but this time I was absorbed in reading and listening to music. So, in the end of my travel these activities made me sick. Heavy novel "After we collided" took the most part of my sack, but I refused leaving the country for a month without my favourite book. I hope that I would study the state and have fun all the time. But lonely evenings should be certainly brightened up by doing something: and the best way would be reading thoroughly the novel. Honestly, I couldn't say for sure how many times I've read the novel and watched the movie. But it doesn't matter! The love story of Tessa and Hardin runs through my heart every time like for the first time. Maybe, I could find true love and my faith in love would return. I adore modern literature, especially the books, which are focused on the teenage relationships. But it seems to me that lifetime love is a fairytale. Think for yourselves, sometime later the relationships stopped being passionate. Why should you keep them safe, if there is no passion? I agree, marriage and family prove them to be worth keeping to a certain extent. But they would never replace the emptiness inside that would be there when you lost yourself after "lifetime love" had disappeared.
As soon as I leave the airport hall, I feel chill November wind that hits me in the face as someone slaps my cheek. Fortunately, the sun rays smooth the hit, though they are trying to kill mirk of rain. As good luck would have it, I didn't wear glasses that would make me blind in a blink of an eye. I tried not to be surprised looking around: I was studying attentively a huge building of the airport lighted with blue lamps that made me recall an oceanarium. When I came out in the street, I felt again that I was a little girl in this tremendous city where every citizen hurried to meet own destiny.
When I caught a taxi, I told the driver in poor English the address of a small house that I rented for a month. I could hardly solve the problem of renting for a month. Well, I didn't manage to solve it at all. But my mum arranged the matter with the realtor because she herself went through this when she was young. To rent a flat in Great Britain for a month was not an easy matter because of a short period of renting.
Driving to my temporary accommodation was rather long. Though, I could enjoy the view from the window. It reminded me of the pictures from my English textbooks. At school every year in August I liked examining the textbook on my favourite subject and thinking if I could speak English more freely by the end of my school year. I tended to understand English speech better not only because of the lessons but also because of watching TV series in my childhood the story of which I knew by heart. I wasn't sure it would work out, but my English was improved, including oral speech. I couldn't even think that in 3 years of my "independent studying English" such method would be distributed mostly among "teachers" who were selling these courses. They promised that "you could speak English like you speak your native language". Every day social networks are continuously being filled with these advertisements. Therefore, it's difficult to find a gifted teacher. And such courses for studying everything in the world have already become a fruitful ground for impostors. By the way, that was the reason for my deleting Instagram. The other reason was absence of offline-life that disappeared after deleting the account. Wouldn't I travel to the other part of the world then!
As soon as I saw "my" house, my heart was filled with scare – exactly a house from a horror movie. I forced myself, I sent away life instinct and I knocked at the fragile door that was opened wide in a minute. There appeared a stout woman with hair tied in a bundle and golden smile as if I were ready to buy this ruin and all shabby houses nearby at the moment. Well, my adventurous journey has just begun, and I've been already regretted my choice – dusty and bright city where weather bit the face like poison and country houses that looked as if something horrible were going to be happened. But it shouldn't be me who might complain, because the place where I had come from wasn't better like myself, not a whit.
"I have been tired of waiting for you, come in quickly. How was your journey?" The woman asked smiling artificially.
"Thank you for your interest. It wasn't bad. Time flew faster than I had expected," I answered hoping that I said cliché correctly.
When we came in a small house I started realizing that it wasn't as bad as it had seemed at first. The room was nicely arranged: there were colourful pillows and lap rug of the season colour– orange yellow.
I love autumn. It makes me feel changes and gives calmness in cold evenings when it is possible to enjoy hot tea and a book. But I almost forgot to mention that there were just lonely hours of reading, when I was trembling from cold and was constantly dreaming of nonexistent love. Though I like recalling myself better when I was reading a book and drinking hot tea, even it has never happened. I often imagine my dreams in reality, but I know they will never come true. Sometimes I even take notes of my dreams, if I would like to remember them. It's a pity it is just a dream. A dream of love that will always be wonderful and passionate as it has been in the first days. A dream of work, where you are eager to go every day. A dream of purpose in life. A dream of awakening in the morning with a smile. Let it happen in a day at least. Just a dream.
At all events, I liked the house. Getting out of the taxi I was glad that I had overcome the wish to get back to the airport and buy one-way ticket to the city from which I wanted to escape and I could do it.
After I have spoken on the coming month to the hostess I estimated my English again and realized it would be improved. Though I understood what people around were talking about and I didn't look like a doll with clumsy makeup and wide eyes, that reflected nothing. When my new "friend" left, I heard silence. All my life I lived in a big city, so I got used to almost imperceptible noise. But now I felt as if I were in another world where I had never been before, but where I should have been. It was for the first time when my thoughts didn't trouble me and I relaxed for a long period of time. I hardly believed that this journey would revive my joyance of life.
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