Elizabeth Ice went to Manchester to find herself and reasons for living. Her life changed when she met the actor who was her main hero of her dreams. But no love between a fan and an actor had been never possible...
I had been living in England for a whole week, I had visited many awesome places and I was sure I would remember the feelings that I had experienced there for a long time. I was enchanted by Manchester's true beauty: low European buildings that made you feel comfortable as if you were at home; nicely arranged parks and squares, where you felt closeness to nature, bridges as if they were created by fairytale teller and picturesque sunsets. I didn't like the last ones – they made me recall my terrible childhood reminiscenses and were associated with the end of something wonderful – in spite of the busy day and in spite of my wish to live on that day, it ended and its happiness ended too. I didn't live happily for several years, but sunsets always woke up some feelings, sad ones, rather than happy ones, but I was glad to feel something I had felt before – life sense, but not routine indifference to everything. But I was again distracted – I liked sunsets in England very much and I found them romantic as if I lived in France.
A list of places that I had dreamed to visit in Manchester was being gradually deminished, as I travelled every day. Sometimes Loren accompanied me and we were talking about everything in the world looking at unforgettable landscapes. But mostly I went alone and enjoyed peace that came upon me. As I mentioned above, my list included not only places that I was eager to see but it also included actions that I would never perform, such as: going to casting session in a movie, taking a ride on the tremendous Ferris wheel, working for a couple of days in England and visiting a night club (I decided not to mention routine wishes as there was no sense). I realized clearly that the only thing that I could do from my list was taking a ride on the Ferris wheel. But I hoped in my heart that I could make other wishes come true: that was why I turned on my computer and searched for casting sessions that would be held in the nearest future.
I found out in the official site of N-th motion picture studio that casting session would be held the next morning, at early hour in the other part of the city, in a small theatre. That was why I decided to visit it. Obviously, I was excited and overwhelmed with emotions: I was always scared of the stage. And at the present moment I even didn't speak English fluently to try to cast for the role. I didn't know what lines I should learn by heart and decided to memorize several paragraphs from "Jane Eyre" as I used to.
A year ago I read this book and thought myself to be the principal heroine. But the problem was that I read it in Russian, it was more difficult to read such composition in English, to speak nothing of drilling and killing. But I decided not to give up: I started learning by heart after I had planned my future journey studying the map carefully.
Time passed, and daytime was changed to nighttime long ago, but I tried to learn that awful but very sensitive abstract by heart. It didn't want to be memorized by me. Words were mixed in my head, and even translation from Russian into English in my mind – thouroughly tested method – didn't help me. Instead of "Be not far from me, for trouble is near: there is none to help." It was near: and as I had lifted no petition to Heaven to avert it - as I had neither joined my hands, nor bent my knees, nor moved my lips - it came: in full heavy swing the torrent poured over me. The whole consciousness of my life lorn, my love lost, my hope quenched, my faith death-struck, swayed full and mighty above me in one sullen mass. That bitter hour cannot be described: in truth, "the waters came into my soul; I sank in deep mire: I felt no standing; I came into deep waters; the floods overflowed me." I recited something else, but later I noticed some progress – words that I tried to make sentences of started being arranged at proper places.
Most likely, I should call Loren for help, but I didn't want my new friend to laugh at my naivety and stupid expectations. Therefore, I continued my literature torture alone, that, surely, brought some results.
I went to bed late at night. My alarm clock should ring in 4 hours and it should help me to wake up in a new world and I should be a new girl myself: without painful breakup, fatal mistakes and burden that I couldn't leave behind, as though I tried very hard. I was sure, I wasn't able to sleep that night, but Jane Eyre's misfortunes made me tired and I fell asleep without any problems. But before I slept tightly I thought about future that couldn't be such as I wanted. But who knows – maybe I would have some gift of the destiny at the crossroads?
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