Out Of The Dark

Trapped In Your Head

I MADE A MISTAKE. I don't know where it was but at some point I distinctly remember making Finnick say something about chess and I think Peeta just looks at him confused.

I have realised the error. In CF there is that nice scene that was cut out of the damned film where they're all kinda hallp and Katniss has a broken ankle and they're tossing a bag of sweets around while these people try to interrogate them and it says that Peeta and Haymitch were playing chess.

I am very annoyed with myself for making this error, and I remember last night something just bugging me and then I realised it was that Chess exists in the Districts. I was trying to use it as something to get a sad reaction out of because Finnick was in the Capitol and so he knows loads of stuff that makes no sense to anyone else until I realised yesterday that... it doesn't work...

BUt anyway enjoy.

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4th March

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Chapter 12

Katniss's POV

I hear a scream and shake myself awake, trying to comprehend where it came from. 

"Prim?" I say, looking to the expanse of bed next to me. Instead, Buttercup stares up at me.

I get up, walk to the stairs. It's my house in the Victor's Village, of course it is. The smell of pancakes wafts from the Kitchen, and I go down to see my Mom and Dad making breakfast. "Hello, Katniss," he says.

"Dad," I say, running up to him and wrapping my arms around him. 

"I'm sorry about your friend Hazel."

"Who's Hazel?"

And then I hear a familiar voice, one that is not my father's, yet it comes out of his mouth. "Wake up, Katniss. Please."

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I jolt a little, I think. A cold breeze makes the hairs on the back of my arm stand up, and I think I hear a fan whirring somewhere in the room. A slightly muffled beeping is steady in the background.

I try to open my eyes, but nothing happens; for a second I think I might be blind, but I can't move any other part of me either. Surely death isn't like this?

I hear a door creak open, and a voice I don't know. "You need to go now, Mr. Mellark."

"Oh, okay," I hear Peeta say from beside me. "Can I ask you something? Is she going to wake up?"

"I hope so, but we can't really say. She'll probably be okay."

And the door creaks again, leaving me in silence.

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Consciousness comes and goes like a pendulum in a clock, swinging back and forth across the line at the edge of reality. The pendulum has started to slow now, though, and sometimes I can stay conscious for what feels like hours.

Sometimes I can hear voices, but not the ones in my head- actual voices. Of people.

I learn the voices of probably two doctors or nurses who come and go quite frequently. Peeta's there quite often - I hear him come in the room, occasionally talk a little, and leave. Other than that the only way I know he's there is if I can hear breathing, or the air just feels a little disturbed. Finnick visits a bit, and he talks a lot more. He reminds me of Annie's pregnancy and tells me about the wedding they're planning together- down on the beach, waves behind them. From what he says it sounds beautiful.

I think Haymitch comes once, and he talks a bit, but he seems rather drunk and not much of what he says makes sense.

And my Mom visits, of course, even if not as much as I'd like. She explains about Prim, who is alive, but apparently just has a lot of burns like me- if not, more.

 I don't know where she got the burns from.

I don't even know where I got the burns from, but that explains the weird sensation on my skin.

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The loud noises from somewhere build up after a while. Banging, crashing, shouting.

It's all outside the room, but I want it to stop still. I want to rip it away, get rid of the noise that's stuck in my head, the head that I can't escape.

When they become too bad, I can feel the doctors wheel my bed to another room, and it stops.

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"It could help if you hold her hand."

"No," he replies softly. "I don't know if she'd want that."

The nurse is silent for a minute, then, "She's in a coma, Mr. Mellark. It's the advice we give to everyone because it helps both you and the patient."

I can hear Peeta take a deep intake of breath, and then he's quiet again.

"I'll leave you in peace."

I hear the door open and close again.

"Katniss... I don't know if you can hear me or not, apparently you can."

It's the first time he's talked properly.

"I... I miss you. I do. Haymitch is back from the Capitol, and they're sending more and more hovercrafts. Annie's coming back soon, which Finnick's really happy about, but I guess he's already told you." I hear a sharp intake of breath. "I don't know what to say. There's nothing I could say that'd really be important. But if you can hear me, I want you to know I care. And I'm sorry for all the hurt I've caused you, and I want you to know I'll be here whenever you need me, and I'll stay away when you want. My feelings fluctuate. Sometimes I don't understand how I feel, and sometimes I'm so sure of it I feel like I could fly away somewhere better. Sometimes I think I used to love you, other times I know I still do. And I know you care about me, or you did. And what happened in your life isn't your fault. Sometimes I feel guilty that you spared my life, but I know I'd do the same for you."

I can't see him, but the sound of his voice paints a picture in my head of how he may look, like he's transferred the canvas he paints on into my brain, and it's creating a painting of the world I can't see.

And then the door opens and closes once more, and he's gone. So abruptly.

Leaving me trapped once again in my head, the painting fading away again as I try to grasp to the images of who I love.

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Peeta's POV

"Sometimes I feel guilty that you spared my life," I say to the unmoving body in front of me, "but I know I'd do the same for you." 

She doesn't flinch. Her eyelids don't flutter

The beep of the heart monitor is consistent, unwavering. So steady I wonder if it's broken.

Something catches in the corner of my eye and I turn to the window.

The nurse waves to me through it, beckoning me outside. I get one last glimpse of Katniss before I leave.

The nurse directs me down a corridor. "Something there for you," is all he says. 

I make my way down the corridor the way he showed me until I see a door Haymitch is standing outside.

I give him a glare of confusion, which slowly melts off my face as I see what it is.