Out Of The Dark

Many Ways

Hi I've started an Original Story called Sweet Eleanor, Death which is set in a dystopian cyberpunk world. If you could check it out that would be great, I'm quite proud of it so far and I've started it so when I finish this it can be my next writing work. I hope you enjoy my writing, please Vote, Comment and ask any questions you want.

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12th March

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Chapter 13

Johanna's POV

I push the limp bits of food around the tray, unappetised.

The doctor sighs. "Ms Mason, you need to eat."

"I'm not hungry," I insist. "Do you know when I can have visitors? That's why I'm here, isn't it? In the Capitol? You could've just left me in thirteen otherwise."

"I don't know."

"Great," I reply, my eyebrows raising.

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I stare at Finnick and Peeta in silence. "Snow's dead," Finnick says bluntly.

"You think I don't know that? It's all I hear, and at least it's good."

"How are you feeling?" 

"Like my lungs are ripping themselves apart. But apparently that's already happened and the feeling is just them repairing themselves. Weird, right?"

Finnick just sits there, unmoving. Something about his body language, the tense speaking, alerts me.

"What's happened?" I ask. "Not with Snow or Coin, I know about that. Is everyone okay? Katniss? I mean, she's insufferable when she's being the saviour of every being, but she's not too bad altogether."

Peeta is the one who speaks, unsurprisingly. "She's okay, I think, just in a coma."

"That's nice," I reply, "we could start a little club. Do you think that'd be fun?"

They completely ignore this, and Finnick just looks at me darkly. "Johanna," Finnick begins, "Hazel... she..."

I try to get up, but am restricted by all the wires. "What happened to Hazel? Is she okay?"

"I'm so sorry. There was an explosion, and she-"

"Stop-"

"She was trying to save their lives, Johanna... She wanted you to know that she was trying to save them."

"Stop" I whisper sharply. "Just stop. She's not-"

My throat catches at the words. So many years building up barriers to have them crashing all down. Training myself to be indifferent.

In that second I remind myself of Katniss. Barriers fallen down by a hole made for one person to come through. 

"Johanna, I'm so sorry," Peeta says.

"Get out."

"Johanna..."

"GET OUT."

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I won't let anyone come near me. 

There was no point in putting up these walls if I'm just going to allow them down. 

I promised I wouldn't fall in love. Not again.

And I won't again.

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The last time I'd saw her, she was like the lifeline I needed.

An amazing healer, of the physical and the heart.

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I remember she was growing her hair back out. It came down past her ears in black corkscrews lined with brown. She looked so precious, fragile. It's not surprising that she broke. 

I remember her hazel eyes, just like her name, undying burning embers.

I remember her spirit. She was never proud of where she came from but I knew she was proud to help people. And I was proud to know her. And I loved her. So so much.

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Finnick's POV

I leave Katniss's new room after only half an hour after having talked to her for a while, and then am drawn further down the corridors.

"... you can't do that it isn't-"

"I can do whatever I want. I'm not staying here."

"Johanna you can't-"

I open the door, seeing Peeta trying to calm down a clearly angry Johanna.

"Finnick," Johanna says, glaring at me, "tell Peeta that I can do whatever I want, because he doesn't seem to believe me."

"She's trying to discharge herself," Peeta interjects.

"You're trying to do what?" 

Johanna starts turning dials on the small computers next to her hospital bed. "There's no point in me staying any longer. It's within my right to discharge myself. I'm sure the Capitol would've loved me to leave quickly anyway."

"Johanna, no."

"Excuse me?"

I hold my posture back up. "You can't."

"I think you'll find," she smiles angrily, "that I actually rather can."

"Maybe, but you should stay here. I know you don't want to, but they're trying to help you."

"I have no reason to get better," she shoots at both me and Peeta. "I didn't care before Hazel came, and I certainly don't care anymore."

"Johanna, please," Peeta begs, "Hazel was an amazing person. Of course you're going to be the most hurt by this. We'll never know how that feels, but-"

"Oh, yeah, right," she scoffs. "Like you wanted to live when you thought Katniss was dead. Like Katniss was when she thought you were. Well I'm sorry I don't understand your heterosexual culture, but I don't think we're altogether that different. We're both in love."

"I- I didn't realise you thought that we thought it made you different."

"We don't," I say. "Peeta just meant that you were the closest, really. Even if we were engaged. That... it doesn't change how close you were to Hazel."

Johanna's eyes start to look glassy, but she manages to hide it. If she's ever come close to crying before, I've not seen it.

"She's not coming back," Johanna whimpers fiercely. "She was trying to save lives, but she should've left them. She was so much more important."

"Johanna-"

"No, I'm going. I can't stay here. They think it was heroic here. It wasn't. It was just stupid, a waste of the life she could've lived."

And she finally breaks. Tears stream and the walls crumble down. Everything seems to mush together, comforting and screaming and sadness. Trying to stop her from changing the dials of drugs to something fatal, and the nurse eventually coming and having to sedate her.

Grief comes in many ways. Sombre, numbness, humbling and just downright ugly screaming for the one who was ripped from you.