fourty four

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it has been more than
a year since i have written.
i didn't feel the need to,
because you came back into my life.
but, you're gone again.
and i know i shouldn't have let you in
for a second time.
you have consumed me whole
for almost four years now.
so i ask
how can you feel like home to me,
when i so clearly mean nothing to you.
am i too trusting? too loyal?
too naive?
why do i feel like punishing myself
for your actions?
and how do i get rid of you?
i don't want you to consume me.
i don't remember my life without you.

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