love poems.

eighty one (a conglomerate)

i mourn for the death of our relationship like it's my new religion.

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i'm sorry. i'm sorry i wasn't enough.
eleanor. you are enough- you were enough.

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you tore out my heart is such a violent phrase that i find myself using when describing us ending. it was a murder, what you did, it was a murder. you murdered our relationship. you murdered it and then ripped out my heart and took it with you when you left like a keepsake.

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every time i find another piece of you in my life i run in the other direction. maybe both you and i are becoming masters of avoidance. you avoid me like i am a bomb that is set to explode and i avoid you to save myself from another goodbye.

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you wore the formal shirt you wore to our first dance together again after we separated. i don't understand why a shirt is so important to me. all i know is i haven't touched the sweater i wore on our first date. and i don't plan on ever wearing the sweatshirt i wore when you broke my heart. maybe it's my own form of being sentimental and maybe the little things mean too much to me.

did you realize it was the same shirt? or am i the once forced to remember every detail, every single moment for the rest of my life?

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you were kind to me up until you broke up with me. you were so nice. what happened? you're so mean now. you're so cold now. were you ever warm at all? did i imagine it?

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you make me so hateful. you make me want to yell and scream and cut off everyone i've ever loved.

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i think i wait for people to leave me.
i have never left first.
and then when they do, it is like the end of the world, but at least i waited for them to leave first, at least i waited, at least i loved last.
you understand that? i loved last. i still do. do you understand? i will always love last. despite all circumstances and reasons not to, i love last.