the only consistent thing about me is my inconsistency. i change faster than i can keep track of, i dont even know who i am today, who ill be tomorrow. i wish i had more control, i wish things were easier.
i also dont though.
its stupid and self destructive but i crave normalcy. im so grossly attached to this idea of the lonely poet that im completely abandoning all other aspects of my life to pursue that instead. i want to keep chasing that, but i dont know what i do when i reach it, when i become the lonely poet i idolise so much in my head.
maybe if you were still here, youd underdstand. but you're not, and theres no point in entertaining the fantasy that youd ever come back to a fucking mess like me.
