Viscious

Roses.

           The phone call was tough, much tougher than I expected. He gave me the details for the services. Two days from now, and graveside. Apparently she didn't want to have a visitation. Dallas kept trying to talk about us, and it was scaring me. Kellan had me sitting on his knees, and I didn't want to be cruel to Dallas's feelings, but I also didn't want any more excruciating injuries to deal with. I was already self conscious and hurting enough.

          "Alina. I hope you don't think I was in with your dad on his weird ass outburst. He hadn't even let in to me that he was going to say anything like that. I know you probably can't say anything outright, but something is wrong. It's not drugs. I know you better. Even if you no longer want me, I just want you to know that you can come to me for help if you need it. I don't want you to feel trapped."

         "Dad's been wacky for a while now. He has been short with me and judgemental every since he made things official with his now wife. I guess he's uncomfortable with his baggage from his first marriage, I am that baggage." I force a laugh. "I didn't expect him to be happy for me now, or sympathetic towards me over mom. She  always said he was insensitive and abrasive. She didn't lie..."

         "Are you okay?"

         "I will be, Dallas. I will be. You should focus on yourself though. You pulled away from me for whatever reasons, there was something more that you wanted. I hope you find that in someone else. You shouldn't feel obligated to care for me or hold yourself back to try to help me. I am going to be alright. The question is, are you? You need to take better care of yourself. You owe me nothing." I try to redirect the conversation.

         It hurts even though we could never be, to officially let go of the only person left who cares about me to any extent, but to have him  dropping in and contacting me is a risk to his life. I don't want anyone else to die, and I fear that Kellan would try to make me be the one to hurt him. I can hear his shaky breath, and guilt squeezes my heart like a vice. I want to cry, but I can't allow myself.

        "I know. I know. I want to though. I want to help you. To talk to you. I suppose that I fucked up, but I've already confessed that. And now I just can't let go. All I'm doing is causing you trouble, but I can't stop it. I just...I...I'm going to come out and say it. He's hurting you. You walk softly and gingerly, you have bandages. You don't word things as you used to, or use your energy and mannerisms. He guards you constantly. He's right by you now, I would bet every dollar I have. Alina, listen to me closely. You don't have to confirm my suspicions, but I am going nowhere. I can't help myself. I at least want to speak to you. You can't cut me out, I'm begging you. I'll be friends with that man if I got to..." He sighs.

"I'm just going to get off here. Congratulations on your new dog. I'm so sorry about your mom. I hope you are being honest Alina. I really hope he's good to you. See you in two days, check your porch in the morning. I love you..." He hangs up abruptly.

"Where was that love when he was with you? Don't let him fuck with your head. He's not found another rebound from Sam when she dumped him, so here he comes now that you've moved on to try to manipulate you again. He rode over here with that mother fucker, and he's going to tell you he didn't know? Ha! Even daddy-o said they came here intending to confront you." He kneads my shoulders, paying extra attention to the tightness in my neck.

"Not everyone you'll lose is a loss baby girl. You'll make new friends, make a new family. You'll grow, and in time you won't feel so bad. It's just tough right now. I'll make it better." He kisses my neck and my eyes roll before I quickly shut them. He doesn't mean this. This is all lies. If Dallas lies, then certainly Kellan lies. He uses everyone else to make himself look better, twisting my misfortunes to appear the better option. He's all I have though, just he and the dogs until I am free. Or dead.