The Cabin

22 - Panic, Darkness, Sadness

Seonghwa drove himself the distance to the nearest electronics store, being nearly halfway there in record time due to speeding and shortcuts.

"Shortcuts" meaning going through the woods on accident after swerving past a squirrel.

"Speeding" meaning going as fast as he possible could to escape the wrath of a family whose camp he crashed through.

The entire ride down, he sang every word of his favorite songs.

After a messy attempt to get himself back on the road, he rolled down another hill, pieces of the black car he owned getting dented and scratched. "I knew my rent was gon' be late about a week ago," Seonghwa sang, clapping his hands excitedly as he ended up in the middle of traffic on a busy highway. The minute his car landed, he sped off to the store.

To sum it up, Seonghwa never got his driver's license legitimately. Mingi printed one for him secretly when he worked as a notary.

Seonghwa pulled into the parking lot quickly, walking out of his car and into the store with confidence. The employees immedia recognized him.

"Park Seonghwa! Let me guess, you need a new TV," a man did finger guns at him. He smiled back, causing a nearby woman to mentally break up with her husband for a few seconds.

He ran a hand through his hair. "You know it!"

"So, the dog knocked this one over, too?" The employee asked, bringing a box of the exact TV Seonghwa needed to a dolley.

Seonghwa laughed. His earrings dangled and gleamed in the florescent lights. "No," he took his credit card out, "This time I put a hole in it and tied a pretty bow around it."

San pulled you into the front of the cabin, walking with you down a shoveled trail. The snow covered most of the trees and plants, but there was somehow flowers peeking through the white blanket. He wore his hood above his head, just barely leaving his bangs out in the open. His cheekbones were highlighted by the pale light of the Sun. He turned to you, his hand coming up to touch your soft hair.

With a piece between his fingers, he twirled it around and smiled at you.

"You look so beautiful in the snow," he broke the serenity of the silence. His voice pulled you out of the trance you had been trapped in. Oh, right, you thought. We came here to talk. There wasn't a single bone in your body that hadn't prepared to have a discussion like this with the boy who had fawned over you since the first moment he laid eyes on you. There also wasn't a single bone in your body ready to talk about any of it with him.

San took a deep inhale through his nose, smiling as he did so. "The wintertime always smells so nice here. I normally hate the cold. I honestly prefer summertime over everything else, but right now, spending the cold with you doesn't seem so bad. In fact, I prefer the winter right at this moment. It makes your nose all cute and pink, like your cheeks," He smiled, his eyes practically shut.

You felt part of your heart break as you noticed that familiar glint in his eyes. His smile didn't quite reach his eyes like it usually did, foreshadowing the words that were fixing to come out of his mouth.

His hands let your hair fall, going down to their sides as his gaze averted to the ground. "Y/N," his voice cracked a little as he nervously searched for the right words in his brain. San hadn't felt like this in a long time, and it scared him. He was terrified for you. He was terrified for his friend, the very boy who saved his life (and his dog's life) so long ago. He was terrified for himself.

Love was really a terrifying thing to him. With three words, he could experience the most euphoric feeling known to the world. That bright light of someone accepting your love, that warmth that came with feeling safe in their arms. The happiness that fills your soul, knowing you'll live happily ever after at least once.

With three words, he could experience the most heart-wrenching sadness he ever will. He'll be left to drown in the emotions that slowly kill him from the inside until it seeps out of his open mouth and eyes, choking him silently and painfully. He'll be one touch away from shattering to pieces and being left to blow away in the wind. His mind would become infested with cobwebs and worms.

He's already given himself in to you. What a foolish mistake.

His head snapped up, eyes locking onto your own as you whispered a delicate, "Yes, San?"

He wanted to respond. His mind was doing backflips trying to control itself. He could feel it fighting off the fear, the self destruction, the flight trying to take over. The military in his brain could only hold out for so much longer before they had to retreat and force San into backing out of his confession.

The tiny voices of strength being killed off by the monster that is called Fear echoed in his head. I love you! I love you! I love you! they chanted. He opened his mouth to say it, but the words hid themselves in his chest. They didn't want to come out. Suddenly, the slugs in his throat slimed around, choking him up further. He couldn't breathe.

The world around him began to be sucked in by a black hole beneath his feet, taking everything but him and you. San felt you began to slip away as well, but upon lifting his head back up he realized it wasn't you at all. A shroud of darkness encased your figure, your eyes red like a demon's.

"I'll never love you, dog."

The words entered his brain, stealing every rational thought of you returning his feelings or just not rejecting him. They grabbed the words fighting to escape his chest with their fiery dark hands, scarfing them down and demolishing his heart to pieces. Even so, his heart still continued to beat your name.

San's body began to shake. You reached your hands out to catch him as his body gave out, his eyes wide with fear and warm tears falling down his cold face.

You reached your hand on his cheek. "San? San! Get up, San!" You shook his shoulders when he refused to move, only shutting his eyes and sobbing into your hand.

I can't do it, he defeatedly mulled. I can't tell her I love her.