"Well, your mama kept you
But your daddy left you
And I should've done you just the same
But I came to love you
Am I born to bleed?
Any old time, you keep me waitin'
Waitin', waitin"
Harry
"This trip will be good for you, don't you think?"
My eyes are trained on the array of books on the shelf behind Dr. Louden's head, as I hear him speak but I don't quite hear him speak.
He awaits my answer, and the silence in his office is deafening, the low rumble of the air conditioning unit serving as white noise for my disarray of thoughts.
"Harry?" He asks, snapping me out of my trance and directing my attention back to him.
He looks at me expectantly before repeating his question.
I knew he was going to ask me this question when I brought up the trip, but did he really have to?
I swallow deeply before answering.
"I.... guess so? I mean I— I don't know." I stutter, feeling the weight of anxiety build more and more in my chest as I struggle to find a real answer.
Will this trip be good for me? I have to be overthinking this. It's just a fun weekend getaway, right? Just me, Niall, Carson, and whoever the hell her plus one is in the woods for 72 hours.
Just me, Niall and Carson in the woods for 72 hours.
Just me and Niall in the woods for 72 hours.
Just me in the woods for 72 hours.
I shudder and try to shake away the intrusive thoughts that begin to fill my head without my permission, my mind running to every worst case scenario.
"Look at it this way." Dr. Louden says, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees, clasping his hands together. "You have made tremendous progress since I first met you, Harry. I don't think there's anything that should be holding you back from going on this trip with your friends."
He pauses for a moment before asking his next question. "How many years has it been since you were out there like that?"
"It's been uhh... it's been 4 years." I confirm, pinching my top lip between my index finger and thumb, my most common nervous habit.
Dr. Louden is one of two people in this world who know the whole truth about my upbringing. He knows about my mom, and how her sudden departure out of my life caused me to develop abandonment issues and anxiety. He knows my dad raised me to be able to live off of the land, and how I was so desperate to remove myself from my father once I turned 18. He knows how what I went through caused me to develop a fear of the woods.
Niall is the only person who knows the whole truth. He's the only person in this world that I truly and wholeheartedly trust.
"Let's circle back a little. So let me ask you this, what is the... feeling that you are most worried to get while you're out there?" He places his chin in his hand and looks at me quizzingly.
"I guess just feeling exposed? When there's nothing or no one around to protect me, and I'm alone. During those times as a kid, I was lost out in the open because he put me there. That added fear of knowing he made me be alone, that he wanted me to be alone, is what scared me the most."
"I see. So, what you're saying is that you're afraid that while you're out there, it's not necessarily that you'll be physically alone, but that his control over you will hang over your head like it did as a child?" He ponders.
YOU ARE READING
Shelter // H.S.
Fanfiction[18+] A co-written novel. "You will shelter me, my love, and I will shelter you." Harry keeps to himself. He has his job, his apartment, his therapy appointments and all the entertainment he needs third wheeling his best friend Niall and his girlfri...
