Shelter // H.S.

Chapter 18

"What if I can't calm down

And I don't have that in my bloodline?

And what if the faces of the holy

Are just faces from a fantasy and I

I can't see it through their eyes?

Although that I try"

Harry

"Okay... yeah, okay. Goodbye, Harry."

I watch as Dallas turns around and starts down the stairs. I shut the door behind me, hearing the sound of her steps fade and eventually disappear.

As soon as the door clicks shut behind me I let out the sob I had been holding back for what felt like forever having her at my doorstep. I press my back against the door and squeeze my eyes shut, releasing the puff of air that I had been sitting on the whole time I looked at her. Sharp pain shoots through my chest, releasing as I choke on my breaths, my eyes brimming with tears.

It felt like knives had entered every which way of my body to try and remain put together in front of her. I was hurting so badly keeping up the facade I was barely able to portray.

The last thing I wanted to do was to turn her away, but it was also the only thing I could do. I regret it. It hurts knowing that she's probably thinking I despise her now.

I don't. Not even a little bit.

And that's what is so hard. I don't dislike her.

When I turned the handle and I was met with her face, everything halted. My breathing and my thoughts were stilled, and the world around me stopped like it does every time I'm around her. I wasn't able to hold a conversation in the moment and it only made things worse, knowing that I may have ruined something really great.

How else was I supposed to present myself after spending the last hour crouched in the corner of my shower hyperventilating and crying my eyes out?

Last night was the result of alcohol and an adrenaline rush. I was on such a high that all of my worries flew out the window and I was able to just be present and in the moment for once. Some of those things I said and did last night was very out of character for me. I've never taken a girl on a date before, and I especially have never kissed someone and felt the way I did kissing Dallas.

Waking up this morning, all of my actions caught up with me. I sulked around my apartment all day, flashbacks from last night playing through my head, like a TV with a broken remote that won't let you change the channel.

I pick myself up off of the floor and walk towards my bedroom, passing through to the door that leads to my bathroom. The steam has spread from the open bathroom door into my room, fogging up the mirror and producing a layer of condensation on the counters.

I walk through the thick steam that consumes the air to the shower that's still running, a slow drip falling from the faucet. I could hear the water dripping through my entire interaction with Dallas, the sound piercing through my ears as I tried my best to remain calm in front of her.

I shut it off so quickly as I rushed to answer the door, I hadn't even turned it off all the way. The moisture in the air makes it harder to breathe. I open the shower door and reach at the handle to turn the water completely  off.

Dallas had first knocked when I was still sitting stagnant on the tile floor. I had just barely calmed myself down from the anxiety attack I was having.