Shelter // NIKKI BELLA | AJ STYLES

24 ▼N A G G I N G thoughts.

"Be bold with your heart
and take risks despite your fear,
life doesn't pass without pain
so we might as well
pretend we have control"
R. Clift

△△△

“Do you regret doing the things you have done because if you do then they never happened” He shook his head, dismissing them with his tone and I couldn’t help my eyes widening as I wasn’t expecting him to say that.

“John…”

“I understand how lonely things can get. I know I unintentionally neglect you so if you had a moment of weakness and slipped up then we will close that door and move forward. So I will ask you, do you regret it?” His blue eyes stared intently into mine while I processed his words.

Apart of me knew I could so easily say yes and have the life we once had where I had heart eyes for my superman. And it almost slipped out of my mind until another pair of blue eyes filled it and I saw Allen. I saw the man that made me feel safe, had been there for me emotionally and provided a comfort I had forgotten. A man that had truly stolen my heart and made me feel like I belonged when I felt so displaced since my return.

“I wish I could say what you want me to so that you won’t look at me the way you are now but I can’t. I don’t regret it because it has made me happy and feel things that have been missing between us…”

I shook away the memories of what had happened earlier in the week and focused on the man in the car beside me. I had mentioned to Allen that I would be driving down to Phoenix from LA since the baby shower was taking place the day after a live show we had. He wasn’t going to have me driving for six hours by myself though and Baron had flown home so here we were.

“So, you really haven’t seen your sister since Christmas?” Allen questioned while I nodded. “Does she know what happened between us on that day?”

The day I had made my way to a random motel Allen had been staying in at the time felt like a lifetime ago. Our kiss shared outside the building was an impulsive moment but the effort I had taken then was the start of me detaching from John and I hadn’t fully realized it until now.

“The only person I have told about us is Baron.” I had been tempted to share how I felt with a few people in my life but the fear of being judged always overpowered it. The thing that weighed most on me is how much I had fought to defend my relationship to everyone around me, only for it to be tarnished by my own actions.

He nodded seeming to understand, “I just assumed with the two of you being twins and all it might have slipped out”

“Which is why I have been avoiding her. My sister is loyal to me firstly but I have defended my relationship with John so many times and all of this is out of character for me. I have been cheated on multiple times in my past and swore I would never do it.” I said thoughtfully but realized as Allen spoke what it might have led to him thinking.

“I hate that our relationship has started off in that way…” He sighed while I quickly reached over and pulled his free hand into mine. 

“I didn’t mean to make you think of that, but it is our reality. Unless we wait…”

“I have been waiting. Ever since that night of the rumble the wait has been unbearable.”

I giggled, “I didn’t mean abstain, Allen”

He chuckled while his cheeks reddened, and I hadn’t thought about just how frustrated he might have been. It's not that I didn’t think about being with him after the one night we had been together, but my other emotions had surprisingly overwhelmed my sexual desires.