adopted by Tom Harlock

Cowabanga!

When we woke up it was pouring rain so we decided to stay in the van for the day.

Tom looked like he wanted to talk, but he didn't know what to say, so he just sat there silent. I was terrified of what happened last night. A man with chocolate pudding shooting out from his nipples? What the hell. I needed to ask.

"Tom, please tell me, who was that man last night?" 

He looked at me and I could see in his eyes didn't want to talk about it, but I begged him and begged him so he gave up and started talking. "He used to be normal, he was a great friend of mine years ago. But one day he went to see his uncle Pu$$yeater--" I cut him off "PU$$YEATER? He took care of my wound yesterday, I know him!" Tom just looked at me and nodded. "Yes, well, he went to his house and when he came out he never spoke to anyone ever again. He locked himself in his house for 3 months. After he finally decided to get out, he came out in the clothes you saw him in yesterday saying he was the biggest dick fucker in the world. Nobody knew what that meant, so they didn't really care and everyone thought he'd get better in a week." Tom took a break to wipe a few tears and fart. I took the opportunity to ask him a question. "What do you think Pu$$syeater did to him?" Tom shook his head and said he has no fucking clue. "Sometimes they go out in the night together" Tom continued "and they shit in eachother's hands and then throw it at my van. Or they stand really close to my van and sing the Japanese national anthem. It scares the shit out of me when I'm alone, that's also one of the reasons I wanted a kid, to have something I can throw at them if shit gets real, y'kno?" That kind of hurt me, but I kinda get it, so I let it go. 

It was almost 8p.m. and it finally stopped raining. I asked Tom if he wanted to go for a walk to strech our legs a bit, he agreed. 

We went to a park near where our van was parked, we walked a lot. Our feet hurt. But we had a good time, so we didn't care. We sat down on a bench near a small forest. It was pitch black and I could hear someone start singing the Japanese national anthem from a distance. I looked at Tom, his eyes were closed and he was smiling, he didn't hear a thing. "Oh cowabanga!" I thought.

Before I knew it, I could see the two men Tom was talking about earlier that day. Tom finally opened his eyes and I could hear his heart start pounding. "Gallooping gremlins!" he yelled as he jumped over the bench and started running towards the van. I started running after him, but I knew the two men were very close to us. I thought I was gonna die that night.