A Family of Flaws

Chapter Eleven; A Soldier's Assessment

*Bucky's POV*

Bucky had a rough time fitting in with the rest of the team. He was much different from the rest of them, clearly, but Steve was always there to try and push aside the awkwardness. But he did feel safer since he joined the team.

Unfortunately, every single one of them was messed up in some terrible way. Which meant that Bucky was a worried mess and he was not going to let any of them know (other than Steve because Bucky couldn't hide anything from that man).

Oh, and news flash, Tony had a fucking anxiety attack and now Natasha and Clint said it was because he was worried about the team. And Rhodey decided it was a good idea to keep whatever him and Tony talked about a secret. Bucky was stressed the hell out and it was starting to show.

Because Bucky baked when he was stressed.

"Uh, can anyone explain why there is a shit ton of cookies on the counter?" Barton asked dryly, wandering into the kitchen like the cocky bastard he was. Steve only held out his hand and shook his head, silently telling the archer to keep his mouth shut and let Bucky be. It was smart to listen.

"Don't complain. We have unlimited chocolate chip cookies." Sam interrupted, munching on some of the cookies at the kitchen table like everything was fine. Bucky really wished he could do something other than bake when he was stressed, sadly that wasn't the case.

Wanda waltzed in about twenty minutes later, just as confused as Barton was. "Is there a reason Mr. Barnes is... baking?" With a sigh, Steve wandered off into the living room. The only good thing about Bucky's stressful baking is that it left Steve absolutely exasperated by everything. Rather entertaining, if you asked him.

  "Oh, Mr. I-Never-Smile is worried." Barton drawled, sitting down beside Sam and grabbing one of the many cookies. "This is not how I imagined you would cope." This lead to Bucky starting another batch of cookies, trying to ignore the other ways that he could cope.

  Barton had a right to be confused. Bucky hardly spoke or displayed anything that would hint at what he was thinking (well, he tried not to). And he was well aware that he was terrible at it. If he was nervous or scared or angry or happy, he wanted to push the feelings away so that nobody wanted to get closer with him (if people knew he wasn't a heartless, emotionless soldier than they might want to be friends and then they could get hurt) but he was also constantly getting distracted (unfortunately, Bucky had severe ADHD, though it was a common condition among the heroes) which led to him forgetting to keep his face blank and then everyone got a glimpse of what he was actually feeling.

  It wasn't Bucky's fault that his body couldn't keep his emotions on the inside! And right now he could only assume that every single worry he had bottled up inside of him was leaking through. If he actually took his ADHD meds this morning then this wouldn't be happening. It's not like ADHD means that you can't focus or you get distracted easily, but most people do suffer from that when they have the condition and Bucky definitely falls under that category. He didn't take his meds this morning so now he was having a lot more trouble focusing and now his emotions were practically broadcasting themselves to everyone in the kitchen and living room.

  When Bucky did take his meds (or if he just concentrated a little harder, which he could do if things were really serious) he was normally able to hide all emotions, though Steve could always tell what he was feeling. And turns out the other Avengers were learning how to read Bucky like a book as well.

  Bucky's thoughts, as sporadic as they are, turned back to the other ways of coping. He cringed, trying to keep his face neutral. When he was first released from HYDRA, Bucky was confused and scared, so he had turned to other ways of coping.