A Family of Flaws

Chapter Fifteen; Walking But Not Talking

*Tony's POV*

Leaving the room. Tony was leaving the room. He didn't think he would be able to manage that, but here he was peeking his head out the doorway and cautiously taking a step out. The first time he had left the room since he passed out.

Immediately, he felt his throat tighten. It had always been his one weapon, whether it be against villains or reporters, Tony Stark always had his voice to get him out of any sticky situation. And then the team came into his life, and suddenly it was hard to talk. He felt so much more confident yet so much more ashamed of everything when around them. He could talk all snarky and act like he worshipped himself, but deep down he was embarrassed by all the things he had done in his life. Though, none of them ever brought his past mistakes up, at least not to hurt him. They all liked to joke about things and they knew where the line was, they would never cross it. He shouldn't feel embarrassed like that around them, but he did.

And so his voice didn't want to work.

  Now fully outside of the room, Tony felt like retreating back and never leaving again. He was alone, no one in sight, but they could come around a corner at any moment and see him. And if that happened he knew he would not be able to form a sentence to explain that he just couldn't talk yet. Leaving the room was a big enough accomplishment and he was not going to push his luck.

  Standing there, he looked around nervously. Where should he go? Was anyone there? Pepper and Happy were out, having a meeting that she had to attend and Happy had driven her there and was watching over her. Rhodey was probably out for a run around the park, being athletic as ever, and could be out for hours at a time. And Tony had no idea what the rest of the team was up to.

The kitchen, if the team was there, would no doubt have people, and it lead straight into the main living room. Though this specific floor was Tony's (and Pepper's) floor, they had their own kitchen and living room up here but they had always used the facilities on the floor below with the team.

Tony could just stay on his floor today, sit in the living room and work through all the situations that were paralyzing his vocal cords. One step forward, towards the living room on this floor. That's all. He doesn't even have to take the elevator down to the Avengers floor. This whole process goes at his pace and no one else's.

One foot finally took a step towards the room he was trying to make it to, though anxiety tried to lock up every joint and muscle that had been put into that singular movement. But with some more logistics, Tony calmed his anxious thoughts and took another step. The living room was hardly close to the bedroom, at this pace he really doubted he would make it to the room he was desperately trying to get to. That didn't mean he wouldn't try though.

Step forward and breathe. Step forward and breathe. The process would repeat, feeling never ending. The anxiety would come back every time, Tony feared that he would turn the final corner into the living room and be confronted by the whole team, even though none of them would invade his privacy in such a way.

Another step. A deep breathe in and a long breathe out. Taking a glance back, Tony felt a sinking feeling settle in his chest. He was barely ten feet from the door. All that effort and he was barely halfway down the long hallway.

The anxiety was irrational. The team was not in the living room, they weren't even on this floor (if they were in the building at all). Pepper, Happy, and Rhodey weren't here either. There was nothing he had to worry about, nobody was there to make him freeze up or feel embarrassed.

His thoughts were flooding through him like a tsunami, drowning him in anxiety and stress and fear. Through the muddled reality that had overtaken his world as the flood washed across his mind, Tony could barely make out the sight of his body taking step after step.