A Family of Flaws

Chapter Thirty; Blank

*Peter's POV*

  That numbing sensation really made the whole experience of entering the Tower all the more surreal. It already felt like a dream, and not in the everything-good-is-coming-true sort of way, more in the nothing-even-feels-real-anymore way. His limbs were a strange type of heavy that weighed him down, and he would have been comforted by this fact as it made him feel like he was, at the very least, still attached to the planet, but they were so heavy that they felt like they were about to drag him through the ground and keep taking him, forcing him down and down and down forever.

  Though, the numbness seemed to cool the simmering anger in his chest and his mind had a hazy fog of calm overtaking it. His thoughts swam with snippets of memories from the past few weeks, specifically the the last few hectic days, and he could barely conceal a physical cringe from overtaking his features. He was so royally screwed.

  Peter didn't even know where to focus his thoughts. There was a part of him that was really weirded out to be in the Tower as Peter. Out of his costume, without his mask, unprotected without his witty remarks. Everything was going to be so strange, the possibility of running into the Avengers as a different person, knowing them and being met with eyes that hold no recognition. But that also offers a feeling of safety. A new start, a way for him to keep his head down and focus on being a good intern. No time for personal relations. Just work.

  It would be hard, he already knew that. Even from such little time spent with the Avengers, he really likes them, and he was scared to admit that he got a little jittery with excitement when he thought about going on a mission with them.

But that was exactly why keeping himself distanced from anything personal was going to be so important for this internship. He was fucked as Spider-Man, utterly attached to a group of people he barely knew, and he was aware that he needed to figure that whole situation out soon, but he could ignore that for now. The real pressing issue was that he needed to avoid that same problem from becoming present as Peter. And maybe there really was something wrong with him, if he felt that the two aspects of himself weren't even the same person, but everything would be so much cleaner if he just kept that distinction up. If he tried to look too hard inwards and got a good look at who he truly is at his core, he might just discover all the different aspects of Peter and Spider-Man that overlap, and realize that they really are the same person. And, honestly, that would complicate things even further, so screw dealing with his problems.

The easiest part should actually be keeping the Avengers from looking too closely at himself. Sure, Peter might find himself caring about them as Spider-Man, and he might even fall for them outside of the suit as well, but if he can keep them from being interested in Peter, then he would consider himself in the clear. That shouldn't even be hard. He might have been picked as an intern for Tony Stark, but that was all he was to the man. An intern. The other Avengers shouldn't even be involved. As Peter, Mr. Stark should do nothing more than concern himself with how useful Peter is, and the rest of the Avengers shouldn't even know of his existence. In the case of them happening upon him, however, it shouldn't be anything more than a passing glance. Peter is normal. He's forgettable and awkward and a nervous wreck, but painfully invisible. He was as average as someone can come. And Spider-Man is funny and witty and the center of attention. He likes it like that. Peter likes it to be that way. The two separate people that he plays can't be anything alike.

Peter's best opportunity in his life was also going to be his biggest risk, and he really just wanted this to go well. One thing in his life could be good, right? Things at home had gone to shit, his friendships were currently in shambles, and his superhero life was only getting more complicated. But this internship was his saving grace.