oxford comma [l.h.]

july-crossfire

warning: may be triggering for anyone who has experienced bullemia, anorexia, or any other eating disorder.

luke was stretched out across heidi's couch asleep when she walked back out of her bedroom.

"luke, wake up."

"mhm?"

"i'm leaving now. i thought you wanted to come along," heidi whispered to him, kneeling down beside luke and running her freshly painted fingers through his hair.

luke's eyelids fluttered a few times before he opened them. his eyes were slightly bloodshot from being asleep for such a little amount of time.

"you should probably just go without me," he finally whispered as his eyes fell to heidi's.

she looked like a dream. her hair was all strung up in beautiful brown waves and her eyelids were painted with greys and blacks. her lips seemed pinker and plumper and more inviting than they had ever seemed, and that includes drunk luke's point of view in a few situations. she had a tight creme colored skirt on with a army green wool sweater draped over her torso, seemingly out of place for a party but still completely wonderous and fitting.

her hands were still in his hair as his cheeks flushed red and she felt his heartbeat speed up. "you're right. you should probably just rest," she smiled, hiding her amusement at his struggle to find a word.

luke took a deep breath and waved to her as she left.

now that he was awake, and all alone in heidi's house, why not take advantage of it? he could dance around naked, pull a prank, eat the last frozen waffle in the fridge. luke hemmings was going to be truly rebellious.

luke fell asleep shortly after.

-;-

when luke woke up again, he heard heidi slam the door. her face was red and splotchy, and her makeup was running down her face. the brown tousels that were so perfectly brushed when she left were now a sopping wet mess atop her head.

luke could hear her crying at the door. it was light enough that he could see her misery but also much too dark to be morning yet.

he knew if she saw him awake she would leave again, so he simply shut his eyes again and tried to be as nonchalant as possible.

she sniffled, threw her purse across the room, and fell to the floor infront of the door, still crying. luke squinted his eyes to see what was happening when he heard sloshing.

heidi removed her converse and threw those into the kitchen, not thinking twice or hesitating once. luke decided it was time to wake up now.

"heidi?"

heidi looked startled when his voice peirced through the silence. he saw her shadowy figure wipe under her eyes and stand up.

"hey, i forgot you were here," she smiled brightly, moving a hand over her face once more to try and erase the tears fully.

luke sat up as she stepped out of the shadows and in to the christmas light lit room. "are you okay?"

heidi took a deep breath and sunk into the couch next to luke, softly wrapping her arms around his warm torso. she was shivering, and there were goosebumps all over her arms and legs. she curled her legs up on the couch too as luke draped a blanket over them both and rubbed heidi's back gently.

"i am now," she softly whispered, closing her eyes and melting in to luke even more.

"heidi, talk to me, what happened?" luke whispered, snuggling her closer to him without worry for his now wet clothes.

"i'm not pretty luke. i got all dressed up tonight, i thought i looked pretty. why did i think i looked pretty," she sniffled, beginning to cry again. she buried her face in luke's chest and luke stroked her hair lovingly.

"and i got to this party and looked around at all these... perfect women who have their lives together, who have boobs and an ass and don't speak foul language all the time. girls who have jobs and straightened blonde hair and boys chasing after them and high heels. and what do i have? i have a stupid sweater and a fucking tight skirt which i was...so confident in and so proud of myself for wearing and once i got there i realized that i didn't want to be me anymore i wanted to be them so i went to the bathroom and i threw up dinner and left without even having a drink," she sobbed, heaving air in between sentences and sniffling as snot ran down her nose and over her lips and chin.

luke pulled her away from his chest gently so he could look her in the eyes. "heidi, promise me right now that you will never ever do that again," luke whispered, pushing the hair out of her face delicately.

heidi just whimpered and threw her arms around his neck again, convulsing in sobs. "don't look at me, luke. i don't want you to see me cry."

"heidi?"

"what?"

"promise me."

heidi tilted her head to kiss his lower cheek and then basically collapsed in his arms with exhaustion. "can you please stay with me tonight?"

luke ignored the fact that she hadn't answered him and simply wiped a single tear from his eye. "of course."

luke picked heidi up in the way that grooms do at their weddings, with his arms under her knees and cradling her back. she tucked into him, looking smaller than luke had ever seen her look, and as they got to heidi's bedroom he set her down and tucked both of them in.

"goodnight, luke," heidi whispered, grabbing one of his arms and snuggling closer as the dark closed in on them.

"heidi?" luke was glad it was dark because there were still baby tears in his eyes.

"mhm?"

"i think you're beautiful. much more beautiful than all those other girls. i think you looked really really pretty tonight and i liked the skirt you wore. i just wanted you to know that," luke whispered, closing his eyes and falling soundly in to slumber.

heidi sniffled, but this time out of happiness. "luke?"

"yeah?"

"i promise."

-
if you have bullemia or know someone who might have bullemia, please look in to therapy or talk to a trusted adult. seriously, i know i sound robotic right now but therapy really helps, i speak from personal experience. you will not be the weird kid for asking for help. i know it's hard, but you need to put your well being first. if you think someone you know has bullemia, you must confront them or their parents to make sure they get the help they need. they may hate you, and i know this because i have also been in this situation, but it always makes me feel better when i repeat this to myself: "at least they'll be alive and hating me." it puts things into perspective. this chapter hit home for me, so i apoligize if this was triggering in any way to you. i love you, you are beautiful, and you deserve to be here. thank you for reading.