Jayden's Diary

Jayden's Diary: Pt 16

Today's the last day of school then we go on spring break. I wasn't doing anything but working day shifts at the Salaam Restaurant. It Was Pisces Season and Dwayne's birthday was coming up I had plans to take him out but my manager scheduled me to work on his birthday I was upset about that but I made it up to him. I still took him out though we went to Navy Pier and to the Cheesecake Factory up north.. We had fun, I had a great time that day. My dad was recently released from prison and wanted to see me so my aunt on my dad side visited my mom to come pick me up.. This was before I took Dwayne out for his happy belated.. Everybody was in Dolton aka the Suburbs at my great aunt's house.. soon as I stepped out everybody was happy to see me you heard hey's, hi's, compliments and I miss you's whenever I looked around so I'm guessing I wasn't the only one they haven't seen for a long time. As I got done greeting family members I continued walking toward my aunts house because it was cold outside then this car pulls up I'm the drive way, as I'm walking I'm looking and there he was, my dad. I thought everyone was joking when they said it would be like looking in the mirror if he stood in front of me but that was not a metaphor they were serious and I was so shocked to see that this man and I looked so much alike that it was weird in a way. He gave me the biggest hug I've ever had then he kissed my forehead and said he missed me and started talking about the last time he saw me I was 2 years old and compared then to now I was just stood there silently and looked at him because I couldn't believe how much we looked alike it was so weird to me then somebody else wanted to talk to him and he said he'll see me inside in just walked away all speechless.. I wanted to talk but I couldn't and I was so crazy to me but went inside and greeted everybody else when I saw my cousin Tiveona, I was so happy to see her chocolate self she's so funny and was there to help me move on from the past when I was in denial but I made it through with her help, it's nothing major now but we talked and she clarified a few things for me and after they were I thanked her for her help because I'd probably be confused.. I had a friend name Jeremy he was flirty but definitely a Thot and Tiveona basically stopped me from doing something i probably would've regretted he had a whole girlfriend but had a friends list full of gays I feel sorry for anybody that fell victim and I feel bad for his girlfriend but most of all I was thankful Tiveona was the type to investigate something if it didn't seem right to her. She was the real MVP but we started talking about how she was, what her school was like, if she was talking to anybody and there so much but that's none if your business anyways after we were done talking I went downstairs and played around with they little kids.. They were dancing and was trying to teach me how to do the D-Low Shuffle and the Kemo Step oh my god it was hilarious to watch I had them kids rolling because I didn't know what I was doing but I watched the video a couple times then I watched them do it... I tried one more time then after that I gave up and let them have fun.. When I came back upstairs my grandmother told me my dad was looking for me, said he was in the room with the blue door across from the bathroom when I opened the door he in the mirror.. I laughed because I'm always in the mirror and it was just funny to see him, a reflection of myself, in the mirror grooming himself then he sat down and asked me to have a sit with him.. I stood up for a minute to stare at him for awhile.. He smiled with a smile like mines and asked what with a curious look on his face I shook my head and said nothing then I looked down and laughed under my breathe then he started talking about how he's aiming for prospect in his life and me not knowing him and him not knowing me I had no choice but to just listen to what he has to say and just take his word for it he asked me if I had anything I wanted to talk to him about or tell him I thought about it for a minute.. There was a lot of stuff I could've talked to him about but none if the things didn't seem like something a son would talk about with his dad.. And I mean like the whole dating guys thing and whether he'd be willing to fully accept that or not but I wasn't comfortable talking about it because I just met him I wanted to get yo know him better first before I dropped anything big on him so I told him no there wasn't anything I wanted to talk about even though It felt like he already knew that I'm gay I think he wanted me to tell him and it was probably the right way to handle that situation but it didn't lead to us having "that" conversation so he said alright and I left the room. I stepped outside and called my mom to tell her about everything I forgot my jacket inside but I didn't mind cooling off a bit when my mom answered I asked her what she was doing and stuff but it turns out my brother mark answered the phone so I talked to him about everything he was laughing then my Tiveona came outside and asked me what was I doing I told her nothing she said my dad was looking for me so come in so I told my brother I'll call him back then I went back in and my dad wanted to take pictures with me before everybody left back to the city my dad asked me if I wanted to stay the night and spend some time with him but I had school that next day, remember this all happened before Dwayne's Birthday, so I went home that night and went to school that next day I asked my mom if I could go over my aunt house she said it was alright with her so road the bus with my cousins and I talked to my favorite cousin Asja about it all she was like oh muh g... I showed her pictures of my dad and I and she was struck by how much we looked alike but I told her that him and I are nothing alike though.. I can tell he has prior focuses and that I should choice my words carefully because He seems like he could twist them around very well.. My mom advised me to get to know him but I should take caution because he turn tables and flips them over at his boiling point he seems really calm to me I told Asja but if he could flip like that then I should be careful what I say which scared me because I wanted to tell him about the whole homosexual thing but I didn't wanna be the reason he just suddenly goes out of control so I wanted for a while to tell him. When I finally decided to tell him I had skipped states and haven't heard from him for months. When I told him I sent it through texts at first then he asked me to call him I avoided calling him for a few days to prepare for anything he has to say about it and there was nothing negative he had to say so I was worked up for nothing.. so I thought. One day he called my mom and they had a long talk about me and sexual preference and she said he had a lot to say about it. I asked her what did he say she tried to sugarcoat it but I wanted to hear word from word.. She had this app on her phone that records conversations and replayed it for me and I heard everything he had to say then I asked her why couldn't he just tell me this instead of you she said she doesn't know, I told her if he can't accept me for who I am then why bother trying my mom looks at me and says that's your father you should at lease try to create a bond with him.. I paused then I shook my head and went in my room and got on the phone with gay friend Brandon and vented to him he said it'll be cool just be easy.. I said yeah well I'm glad I got to tell him and he knows now but it is what it is.. Brandon was like I should still try to talk to him, call him right now I'm like alright I'll call you back then I hung up and turned my phone and laid down with a million thought running through my mind so I turned my tv on until I went to sleep..

To be continued...