The Rebels

Chapter 19

⚠️WARNING MENTIONS OF SELF HARM PLEASE SKIP IF IT TRIGGERS YOU⚠️

"So, what are gonna do now if you don't mind me asking. I've never really done this before." I asked. I know it's just been a day, but I just needed to know. They all looked at each other. "Well we need everyone to be in most if not full health condition. So we all need to rest from yesterday, and you still need to heal." Jackson said. I want to do something. Now that I actually have the opportunity to do something that I've never done before, I need to take it and savor it as long as I can. "No I'm ok. I can just go by myself if I need to. I'll be safe and careful, I promise, just please let me do something." I pleaded. Mina then walked up to me. "Cathie, you need to heal, you're cut's still really bad. Justin said that it only takes 2 more days for the cut to close up. I don't even know how you got that." "O-oh. Well before you guys showed up, one of them kinda cut my side." They nodded their heads. "I promise you, you will have your chance, we just need you to be healed, ok?" I looked down. They don't understand. My whole life, I've been picked on an teased because of wearing a bandanna, but I know I shouldn't let my own emotions overrule my decisions because that's stupid. So, I nodded my head.

We didn't do much today. We were mostly just chilling and they were talking strategy about what to do once I'm in shape to fight properly. I just sit in the corner. I found a knife somewhere, so I'm just now sitting in some corner staring at the reflection of the blade. I know it's been a while since I've last cut, but it doesn't mean I don't think about it a lot. I've had the urges again. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it. Everything that's happened has been my fault. I ruined my sister's chance with her boyfriend, I ruined her job, I tore apart my family, I potentially killed them, I even held back The Rebels from doing their job. All of this is my fault, and I can't fix any of it. Well, I can. If I'm dead.

Without even noticing, I felt a stinging in my arm. I looked down and I saw my hand slicing the knife on my arm. "Shoot." I say under my breath. It feels relieving. I haven't done it in months, I forgot how it feels. I know I shouldn't do it, but it's the only thing I have control over. I kept on doing it a few more times. I deserve it, I know I deserve it. It's what I get for what I've done. Plus, it's the only way I can cope with everything that's going on. I see the blood that is starting to rise from the cuts. It feels therapeutic. I know that might sound crazy to some people, but you've never felt this way. You have no right to judge me for things like this if you've never been in my situation. I know it's bad for me, but it's my only option. "OH MY GOD CATHIE WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!" I looked up and Mina was rushing towards me. She grabbed my arm to look at it. I looked down and I had 15 cuts on my left arm.

"Why did you do that Cathie? Don't ever do that again oh my god." Mina kept on lecturing me on why I shouldn't cut myself again. I didn't stop her because I didn't really want to say anything. If I don't want to explain it to anyone, then I don't have to. I don't have to give anyone anything, I don't owe them. Also, I don't really know how to tell her about it. I don't know how to tell anyone anything about it.

Mina was sitting next to me in the same corner that I was sitting and she was cleaning my cuts up. Jackson went to grab the first-aid kit. They were all surrounding me. Mina was still lecturing me on why I shouldn't do that anymore. Everyone else was surrounding us and just staying silent. I wasn't crying, I couldn't feel anything, emotionally I mean. "Mina, calm down. She's alright now, I think she gets the point." Justin said. "But-" Mina tried to say, but Justin interrupted her. "Let me finish cleaning her up, you're being too emotional." Mina looked frustrated, but nonetheless, she moved over and Justin sat in her place. He glanced at me and then he started using more of the bandage to wrap around my arm. "You should be fine, this won't hold you back in any way. As long as you don't scratch or do stupid things on it. But other than that, you should be fine." Justin told me. I whispered a thank you to him and he nodded his head. "So are we just not gonna talk about what she did?!" Mina exclaimed.

"She doesn't owe us an explanation Mina. It happened and we dealt with that. We shouldn't question it, if Catherine wants to talk about it, she can." Justin told her. He then looked at me and nodded his head. What's that supposed to mean? What does he know? Whatever, I don't want to think about it a lot. Mina looks at both me and him with shock. She's acting like I'm gonna do anything to take her side. After that, she just stomped over to her bed. Everyone else went to their bed as well. Before they went to their bed, they all said that they were there for me if I wanted to talk. I went over to my bed and sat on it. Why do they care so much? They barely know me and they're already concerned about me. Why? I don't get it. Why would anyone care?