The Rebels

Chapter 11

Honestly, I want to go out for lunch. I need to get out more anyway. Not in the way that feeds my social life, but I'm always stuck here. Mostly because I can't go anywhere else, plus it's not like people invite me to places or that I have any friends. It's fine though. It's been happening to me for years, so I'm used to it. I should probably change though because even though I showered, I still feel icky if I don't at least change. I opened my closet and I have no clue what to wear. Not like I'm actually needing to look nice, but most of the clothes that they make me have is plain and boring. I did a little research on fashion from back then and it actually looks great. There was this thing called graphic t-shirts. Those looked so cool and if it weren't for this whole thing to happen, I would have so many of those in my closet right now. I guess a black long sleeve shirt and white sweatpants will work. It's not that bad.

I stuff my earbuds, Ipod, and wallet into my pocket and head to the door. I wrote down on a piece of paper that I was gone for lunch and that I'll be back whenever. I'll try to be back for dinner, but I don't know for sure and I don't want to give my parents any promises. I have no idea what to get for lunch. I'm not really a picky eater, I'm not craving anything either. Wait, now I'm craving mozzarella sticks. Those are the best food I've ever put into my mouth, hands down. Not a lot of people sell it anymore because people are more focused on government required food. Whatever, sucks to be them. I know where to get them at.

I walked into the silver building-no I can't pronounce the name of the place-and walk right up to the cashier. My anxiety is already kicking in, I can already feel my hands shaking. "What can I get for you ma'am?" His voice fits with him. His skin is pale white and he has curly red hair. But like everyone else's voice, it's monotone. "U-um I'll just take a bag of m-mozzarella sticks please. A small container of nuggets too, please." My voice came out more high pitched than I was expecting it. I hate it. "That'll be $6.89 please." I handed him 7 dollars and said to keep the change. I don't like having coins on me. Coins feel like a drag in my opinion. I don't mind fried food honestly. I mean, it tastes good but after a while I would get tired of it. I don't know how people could eat it everyday though.

After a while the guy handed me a brown paper bag and sent me on my way. I double checked the bag of course because even nowadays people still get your orders wrong. When it was right, I started walking to the library. I put in one of my earbuds and strolled. The first song that popped up was "acting like that" by Yungblud featuring Machine Gun Kelly. Two of my favorite artists in one song, just, yes. "Who's that knocking at four in the morning?" People aren't staring at me because they're programmed to focus on the stuff they're supposed to do, but I do get some glances. That's what normal is for me, whatever normal is. Normal doesn't exist anymore. It never did. I don't know why people are all about making people "normal" if normal doesn't exist. There is no normal but people hate on gay and black people because they're "not normal". That's crap. Anyway, I'm thinking about what I would do if I got caught. Would I fight them off? Will I run? What will my family do? Are they safe with me in their home? I feel bad for my family because they have me on their record and if I get caught they would suffer while I could possibly run off to god knows where. I know for a fact that my family would be better off without me. For their own safety. That's a fact, but I don;t know why I still stay with them. I love them, but I don't deserve them.

"You're way too hot to be actin' like that" After what seems like forever and my paranoia off the charts, I finally get there in one piece. It really is beautiful. All of the vibes growing around it are just gorgeous. I walked in and headed straight for the roof. This feels more like home then my actual house. I've never considered that home. Mostly because of all the stuff the government does. I hate it, and I rarely use the word hate. When I got up on the roof I fixed my tangled hair into a messy bun and then fixed my lunch. I set down four napkins on the ground and set my food down. I can smell the saltiness of the fries and the cheese from the mozzarella sticks. My mouth is already watering. I first bit into the mozzarella sticks and the cheese is still warm and stretchy. It's so good. I haven't had good food in a while. I'm thankful that I get food in general, but the food really makes me puke. I would think even a plain salad is better than the food we're forced to eat. "Now I can't sleep, I'm all alone
And what we reaped is what we've sown" I wish life was this peaceful. It's quiet, but the good kind of quiet. It's nice. I can finally be myself here, but I don't know who I am. That might sound so weird, but when you pretend to be someone else for your whole life, you never get to truly be who you are. It's hard discovering yourself, but from what I know, it's worth it in the end.

I didn't bring my book with me, I'm so disappointed in myself. Well, I'm at a library so I'm sure I'll find something else that will make me satisfied. I walked down the stairs and started browsing through the shelves. I'm so glad that most of these books are still in great condition. I don't know what I would've done if I didn't have them. I then stumble upon a book I've already read but it's one of my favorites. It's called "Divergent" by Veronica Roth. Oh my god this book is one of my all time favorites. I've read the other two but they were kinda garbage. This will definitely do. I walked back up to the roof and sat down on the cold concrete floor. I grabbed my Ipod and reshuffled my playlist and the song that came up was "Love Me or Leave me" by Little Mix. I know I'm more into alternative music and stuff, but sometimes I honestly like slow, sad music. Make fun of me all you want, but these songs tell a story. And if you listen closely, you might be able to relate to it. "You used to tell me that you loved me once What happened?"

I opened the book and I briefly looked through it to make sure it's in good shape. Thank god it is. I mean, I already knew that, but I just wanted to make sure. I then went to the first page and then started reading. It's crazy how words on a page can make you go to a whole other world, but you still stay in the present. Like, you can get into the story so much to the point where you just become the character and you're in that world. You feel everything that the characters feel and it just feeling, incredible. "You're lying and you know I know
Baby, what have we become?" That's why I like reading. It helps me escape this horrible place. One thing I like about Divergent is that it's all about being different. Tris is so different and because of that, she gets a tangent on her back and people want to kill her. See how similar that is to right now? It's crazy.

"You can take this heart Heal it or break it all apart No, this isn't fair Love me or leave me here" My favorite character is Four by the way, or, as a spoiler, his name is Tobias. He's my favorite character for many reasons, but I'm too mentally exhausted to explain why. Anyway, I feel like his and Tris' relationship was well planned out, but I don't pay attention to the romance. Anyway, the only difference between me and Tris besides the age gap is the fact that she was actually able to express herself. I can't for many reasons. Oh wait, I forgot, it's a book. It's all scripted out. This, what I'm facing, it is real life and it's not some fairytale that has a happy ending. Nonetheless, it's a good read that I definitely recommend. "Do you remember when you loved me once?
What happened? What happened?" The music that they play on the radio is so boring. It has no meaning to them and it just sounds so shallow. Don't get me wrong, those artists must've had some sort of meaning behind their songs, but now all of them just blend together. Nothing different as usual. See, this is so so frustrating. Not being different shouldn't be normal. Normal doesn't even exist! I hope The Rebels are close to something. We all need it. "You're turning away like you hate me Do you hate me? Do you hate me?"

A bit of a shorter chapter today my people. I hope y'all still like it anyway, if anyone reads this. I try, really hard. Anyway, love you all ❤️