my strange addiction

Part 24

Two years later...

Clarke got a promotion. She's leading her own task force now. She's happy where she is now. She worked hard for this.

'Clarke you always leave early when we're out.' Octavia whined. 'I have a case going on.' Clarke says. 'So do we.' Octavia says. 'Sorry guys I really can't stay.' Clarke says. 'Clarke!' But Clarke left. She didn't really like going out anymore. It was never really her thing, but since the thing happened she grew over it. She always preferred staying in her cozy apartment. Her apartment wasn't that cozy anymore. She moved about a year ago into a new one. It was bigger and fancier. Big apartments weren't really her thing. She didn't move into a new apartment for herself. She loved her apartment, but she loved the person for who she did it more. At least she thought she did. Clarke opened the door to her apartment. She didn't expect anyone to be home, that's why she found it strange the light was on. Clarke laid her hand on her gun. She was sure she locked the door before leaving. When she saw a shadow of someone sitting in her massive kitchen. Which she didn't need at all because she can't cook. She pulled out her gun. Only to put it back because it was someone she knew. A wave of relief washed over her. 'Hey baby.' Clarke let herself fall into the warm embrace. 'Hey. You scared me.' Clarke said. The same chuckle she'd been hearing for a few years now sounded again. She loved to hear it. Hands went down to her waist. She looked into those brown eyes like she had been for the last couple of years. Different than from before. 'I'm sorry I didn't mean to.' Clarke looked down to her feet. Hands made her look up again. 'What's wrong?' Clarke closed her eyes. She shouldn't say this. Not now. Not now her life is finally stable. She thought stable was all she wanted but now she realizes it was never what she wanted. She lost the one thing in her life she loved the most because of this. For months she spiraled about this. She built her life back up again after it happened. 'It's nothing.' It was a lie, but she couldn't break the person that was there for her. 'Madi wanted to see you so we thought we would surprise you here.' Clarke looked away again. The pure love and honesty in those eyes hurt her the most. She didn't love him like he loved her. She didn't love Bellamy Blake. 'Clarke it's definitely something and it's bothering you.' Bellamy says. 'It's just since I'm working more I rarely get the time to hang out with Raven and Octavia.' Clarke says. Which is only partially a lie. She does miss those times, but she misses those times with Lexa. But she couldn't tell Bellamy that. He trusted her when nobody did. Besides from her two best friends of course. But she knew those two would defend her if they knew she was guilty. 'You can go back to the team if you want to.' Bellamy says. 'I know, but I love this job. I just wish it wouldn't take so much time.' Clarke says. 'I can't balance it anymore. I want to spend time with Octavia and Raven and I also want to spend time with you and Madi.' Bellamy pulls her in for a hug. 'I'm sure Raven and my sister understand and I know Madi understands.' Clarke closes her eyes. She wishes she could think as easy as Bellamy. 'Madi knows you're working a lot.' Bellamy says. 'But I want to be there for her Bell.' Clarke says. Bellamy kisses the top of Clarke's head. 'You'll be okay.'

The next day Octavia invited everyone to have lunch at their house. Octavia put the last bowl of fruit salad on the table. Everyone was seated.

'Remember when you got so mad at Clarke for hooking up with me.' Bellamy jokes. 'Well I didn't know this was actually good for you.' Octavia says. Octavia had every right to be upset with her. Bellamy is her brother. He doesn't know the full story on why Octavia was so upset. Clarke didn't want him to. Lexa and Clarke had just broken up and Clarke got drunk and made a decision. Octavia didn't like it when she told her. And she had every right to. Clarke was well still is deeply in love with Lexa even though she wouldn't and still won't accept it. Clarke's smile faded as it made her think about Lexa. She did that a lot even though she tried so hard not to. Bellamy looked at his side. He saw Clarke not smiling. 'What's wrong?' He whispered. 'Nothing.' She put on a fake smile. 'Remember when you got really jealous when my dead ex husband turned out to be alive and Lexa's brother.' Octavia says. Raven rolled her eyes. 'He was hot and we just started dating.' Raven said defensively. Octavia chuckled. 'That was kind of crazy.' Clarke was fighting back tears as she heard Lexa's name. 'Can we not talk about Lexa.' It came out of her mouth before she even realized it. Bellamy was staring at her in shock. Clarke closed her eyes realizing what she just did. She fell out to her friends over a girl who she claimed to be over. She wasn't. She would never get over Lexa. She would never feel the same way about anyone but Lexa. Bellamy cleared his throat. 'Excuse me.' He said as he got up and left to the bathroom. Clarke buried her hand in her hands. Octavia stared at her. Clarke could feel her stare going through her soul. She heard Raven whisper to Octavia. Then they got up and started doing the dishes. Clarke was left alone at a dinner table not knowing what to do.