He can change~ Monty&Winston- 13 reasons why fanfic

Chapter 11: Despicable

 'For the longest time I had feared to be who I was, I had struggled to fit in, I feared to label myself as gay. Mostly it was because of my drunken abusive father.. he didn't like me spending so much time with the guys, he always thought that they would get the wrong idea.. I remembered my childhood very vividly, I remembered him seeing two guys holding hands or kissing when we went to the store on several occasions, he had noticed my curiosity sending him into boiling of rage, each time he would roughly grab my wrist just to bring me home so he could beat the shit out of me as he usually does, for as long as I could remember.. He always treated me like shit whilst he treated Estella with more respect at times, but whenever she tried to stand up for me, sometimes she would be in the middle of the crossfire. For years I feared to be who I was because of him.. but now I'm not afraid to be with Winston.. but I knew deep inside if he decided to show up to my trial, and he found out about my relationship with him, he would end up killing me himself, and just the thought of it, gave me an uneasy feeling.'

During most of my remaining time in jail, I spent it mainly in therapy sessions; I ended learning to be more accepting of myself and how I identify, and I also learned that I shouldn't suppress my anger, nor do I need to initiate it with my fists, my therapist had discussed with me about the many coping mechanisms that I would possibly need 'for when I do get out'. Besides after what I was informed by Winston, I had begun to feel mixed emotions. A part of me was ecstatic, I've been meekly waiting for the day to witness Alex and Clay get exposed along with his dumb and thick-headed friends. Tyler on the other hand, I wasn't exactly planning on watching him suffer. After all, I made him this way.. I fucked his life up.. I made him feel terrified wherever he went. I made him almost shoot up a school.. I fucked him up mentally.. deep down I wished I could take it back but I know I can't.. therefore I didn't want him to undergo the amount of suffering the others will.    

Another part of me was anxious and overwhelmed. Because as I said before; people like me don't get trials. Bryce didn't. So how come, I was the one that deserved to get one, not only that but I was petrified of my dad knowing what happened the night that Bryce died, he was already aware of the fact that I was gay but if he learned the truth on my whereabouts that night or more importantly that I spent two nights with a guy. I was one hundred percent certain that he would kill me with his bare hands, even if it meant going to prison himself, it would've all been worth it for him. The possibility of him doing such a thing just made my stomach churn. I knew one way or another he would find out and it terrified me for what he could do 

However, there was one thing in my life that I had felt hadn't gone to shit. 

*later that day in the visitation room*

-

Just a few moments later, I was brought to the same visitation room where my dad spit at me for being gay, and the same room where Winston constantly visited me, the past couple of months ago.  "You have 5 minutes," he calmly said as he led me to Estela, Winston, and Deigo. Before I had a chance to sit down, Estela hugged me tightly, as she sobbed silently, quickly pulling away. We all sat down at the table "so, my therapist informed me that my trial is next week. Does anyone have any entail who is going to be involved?" Winston was the first to speak. Deigo did some snooping around from what I've been told but I knew Winston was exceedingly eager to discover the truth, at any cost "for the past few months I've observed Clay and his friends, including the person who killed Bryce; Alex Standall, and from what I've been told from Diaz and Nora.. that everyone but Justin Foley will be included in your trial" nonchalantly I nodded, Winston had informed me that Alex was taken into custody not to long ago for confessing the truth about killing my former best friend, what he did fucking pissed me off. Bryce and I weren't on good terms by the time of his death but, I never wished death upon him. As for Alex, I had to admit that he had the guts to confess that he did it without having any of his friends or his daddy to bail him out. 

"what about anyone else from Liberty or out of the school?" Winston knew the question was for Deigo since he would if any the jocks would back me up and for my sister since I had a dreadful idea about who would be there as well. Causing me to feel agitated "well, it sounds like the majority of the football team will be there on your side besides Charlie and Zach." Diego responded as I turned my focus towards my sister, who had that same look in her eyes whenever she caught me at an edge of a beating "Monty I think you should know.. dad and mom will be at your trial as well" 

just those few words, brought me agony and suffering   

I felt like everything was closing in on me.. 

Choking, Suffocating. No sense of salvation. 

Exactly how I felt my entire life because of him. Specifically my childhood... 

Now it's just a matter of time, he finishes the job. 

-

A/N- Has it really been 10 months? Holy crap, I'm sorry for not updating in a long time. I've just been busy with other fanfics, plus writer's block as well, I'm hoping to finish this fanfic before I get an apartment since I won't have Wifi for 6 months when I do, unfortunately, but I should be done by then since there are only 5 more chapters left. Until then stay tuned for the next chapter which should hopefully be out in a couple of days or a week.